Finding Myself
[Pinky Ghelani’s Blog Post at Babylove Network, after her last (past) pregnancy – 2014).
Arian is now 3 months old. Time flies when you are in new born haze! The joke is that a new mum barely gets time to change and brush her teeth let alone watch her favorite show on TV or catch up with girlfriends.
I remember with Ariyana I left the house for the first time on my own after 5 months. I kid you not (pardon the pun).
With the second baby, it was easier for me and partly for my sanity, for me to be able to go out and catch up with life.They do say the second baby is easier, and as a mum you have already gone through the motions so the second time around you know what to expect and you can prepare yourself to deal.
As much as I needed to catch up with my friends, get my threading done, be seen at social events – I needed to remind myself of who I am. I am a mother of two – this is first. I am then wife and then I am model/editor/media personality/social butterfly, etc. But the fact is that with this pregnancy I had lost myself and I was keen to find myself again.
There is a saying ‘Children are not a distraction from important work, they are the important work’. When I read this I realized I found myself again. I understood that my role in my world had altered again. As much as I want to go out there and do everything – my priorities have changed. I am a mother. I am molding the future. My lessons are valuable as what I teach these little beings will far outlive me. It then dawned on me that this is the work I am meant to be doing.
I love being a mother. Like many, I sometimes feel that I am getting it wrong. Sometimes I lose my cool with my 4 year old and snap, and then I feel like a horrible mum. Sometimes I ask my husband to handle my baby because I need another hour of sleep and I feel like I did something wrong. Being a mum is hard work.
Being a parent makes me feel challenged but the rewards are huge. I read something on FaceBook about being a parent and how worry goes hand in hand with this role. As parents we worry – are they hot, are they cold? Did they eat enough, did they poop enough? Is this the right school, will they make friends? Are these friends the right friends? Is this person the right spouse? Did they get home safe? Will they make good parents?
But even with this worry mums are overcome with immense faith.
We have faith that we are doing the best we can. That if they fall and cut themselves they will heal. That the horrible fever and flu will pass with enough TLC. That their friends are good people and that their destinies are blessed, that they will go through life as they are meant to and learn lessons just as we did, and that if anything was to happen – as a parent – it is our role to be there for them, and hug them and tell them all will be ok.
This is a job that never ends but the rewards are significant and life changing. I am proud to be a mother and am so thrilled that I was able to understand what my role in their lives is. So what if I have to be childlike and act like a pre-schooler to be able to play with my pre-schooler. I make faces, jump like a bunny, play hide and seek and sing songs. So what if my 3 month old spits up on me just as I have gotten dressed to go out and he ruined my new blouse. So what if either one wakes me up in the wee hours of the morning just because they need a cuddle and some comfort. They take center stage – everything else is secondary.
Being a mum is interesting, every day is different, every day is new – the kids continue to surprise me and inspire me and I wonder what life would be without them. I have so much purpose with them. Motherhood is a journey where we must go within first to find ourselves, accept and realize who we have become, embrace this person and be the best possible mother we can be – the little souls that we brought into the world bank on us to be consistent and present – these are tiny demands that I enjoy meeting time and time again.
Rediscover yourself in motherhood.