Fatherhood vision drove me

Benson Ndungu was brought up by a no-nonsense, authoritarian father. This saw him overcome hurdles in life to become a crown diamond manager (the highest level of achievement) and a teacher in health matters at the Dynapharm International Company. However, his biggest quest was to be an exemplary father; he had a desire to be lenient with his offspring, and to create a close and loving relationship with them as they grew up—something he did not experience in his early childhood and youth. He walks our writer down memory lane.

The beginning
I met my wife Anne in 1982 and married her a year later, on the 10th of December at an elaborate wedding in Nairobi, followed by a reception in Nakuru where she hails from. At that time I had a dream of having five children with her. In our first year of marriage, she announced that we were expecting and my fatherhood instinct was aroused. It reinforced my determination to be a hands-on father. There were often visits to consult the doctor and of course I accompanied her to as many visits as I could. I was actively engaged in her pregnancy, and I would ask the gynaecologist questions regarding the health of my wife and our forthcoming baby. Above that, we were great friends with my wife and I made sure that any need she had was granted. Furthermore, we did not have a house help and so we did most of the house chores together. We did the booking of the hospital in advance, and did all necessary preparations beforehand.

Always late…
Fate or bad timing had Ben miss out on the birth of all his three children though he really wished to be present. On 18th September 1984. a month short of celebrating my 32nd birthday. I went on a short business trip only to come home and find my wife absent. There were no mobile phones then but a landline call to Jamaa hospital had me confirm that she had been admitted for the delivery of our firstborn. I knew the baby was almost due but never thought it would be that soon. I made my way there and was just in time to hear the nurse’s announcement that we had a baby boy. He had been promptly delivered through C-section as he was in distress. We named him Victor. Missing out on his birth was unplanned but I vowed to be present for the next time.

Soon after my sweetheart was expecting our second born. This time she left to visit her friend in Kiambu. She got unwell, had to see a doctor and was advised that it would be risky to wait till her due date to report to hospital. And so on the 7th of January 1986 she checked into a district hospital and delivered a baby girl. Rebecca. I was missing in action, again. The quick decision saved the baby as she was in distress though. When Becky was almost two. we realized we were expecting twins. It was our happiest moment.

The pregnancy went smoothly and two weeks into her EDD Anne checked into hospital as was the doctor’s advice, to have our twins. We arrived in hospital just as the fraternal newborns were being whisked away to the nursery as they had developed complications during birth. The infants were admitted for eight days after which the boy, Stanley succumbed to the complications and passed on. The girl, Kezziah survived and that is our lastborn. It was a mixed blessing. In all instances, I made sure to be close to my sweetheart and assist in nursing her back to health. She is surely a strong woman, having undergone C-section three times.

Dreams of a father
While bringing up my children a vision usually kept me going even when times were difficult: I wanted to stand aside and be counted as the proud father of three successful children irrespective of whichever career path they chose. I wanted to see my expectations of them turn out to be realities in their lives.

Victor was always keen on electrical and mechanical appliances, a fact that made me visualize him as an engineer in the electrical or aeronautical department. He was always fixing devices that were either not working or spoilt. But he has turned out in a completely different field: Photojournalism. He has faired well and I am proud of his achievements.

My older daughter seemed to have realised her career since childhood. She would get hold of newspapers and read the contents out loud for us all. The fact that she was interactive with her peers made us realise that she would one day become a journalist. She is one today. Our last born is the most talkative, most convincing and would always ensure that her way was followed. She is now training in early childhood development as a trainee teacher in one of the best schools in the country. I am thankful to God that they have all turned out to be successful. My dream was fulfilled.

Babies surely bring blessings
While we were expecting our firstborn. I did not have any source of income since I had just been retrenched from work. But who would have known that a few years later I would become the proud owner of a fleet of vehicles? Not only that but I also succeeded in giving them the best. God made his presence felt as Victor was born, and from then on. I can testify that I Steadily climbed the financial ladder.

Trying moments
As a dad. it is very frustrating to be unable to meet your children’s requirements, especially if this includes basics such as school fees.
Losing a child is also deeply painful and the experience remains deeply engraved in a parent’s heart (yes. even dads) throughout his life. For instance. I cannot forget our Stanley who would have balanced the equation of two boys and two girls in our family. Nevertheless. I am thankful and content with the three children I have.

Any dad swells with pride upon seeing I that his children have achieved the I dreams he has had for them as a father. This happens when they persistently pursue education to the highest level they can achieve, becoming outstanding personalities in society. My happiest moments must have been during graduation, witnessing | outstanding excellent performance of my children in their careers. I am [ also happy to see my children become independent and able to cater to their own needs at an early age.

Fathers of today
In the past, fathers were conscious about their family’s needs. They would rather have had their skin scraped, their backs scorched by the sun while toiling to provide for their families. Sadly today, more and more daddies are irresponsible and they leave their wives to be breadwinners. This creates lack of respect in the family. Some try to work but when they get discouraged, they relax at home and wait for their wives to toil: or they waste their earnings on ‘pleasures’ like women and drinking. This should not be so. Understandably, the increased economic crisis creates tensions, frustrations and retrenchment. Once a father, always a father and there is need to provide for every need arising in the family, be it spiritual, financial, material or moral, regardless of what it takes. They should let the vision and ambitions they have for their children drive them to give the best, even during the toughest of times. However there are also traits that modern fathers are adopting that are commendable. For instance, being birth partners to their wives, helping them shop for the forthcoming babies and helping in house chores when their wives get expectant. This was certainly rare in the past.

My most favourite child
No true dad can have a favorite. Love is spread naturally amongst all his children, no matter who or what they turn out to be. A father’s love is bottomless.

END: PG22/14-17