Shy Moments 1

Episodes of shy and funny pregnancy moments as narrated by mums and dads…

‘Mum is in the toilet… She is vomiting the baby!’

Some weeks back I naively told my five-year old son that ‘mum has a baby in her stomach.’

He has an annoying habit of picking my cellphone when it rings despite my objection.

Two weeks ago the phone rang while I was in the toilet, down with pregnancy nausea and vomiting. I heard him shout into the mouthpiece “Mum is in the toilet. She is vomiting the baby!”

I checked the phone to see who the caller was, and unfortunately the number was not on display…. I still don’t know who had called…

Labour cry

When some friends recently came to visit us at home, we joked about giving birth because I am six-months pregnant. My husband said, “I will definitely be there to witness as she gives birth.”

His friend asked him, “Were you there last time she delivered?” My husband looked towards me and smiled… “Sure!” he replied, “I was there…very much so…..She made a labour cry, screamed at me as the baby came out, hissed and called me a maggot.”

I called him a maggot. Imagine that. Pregnancy! Baaah! I felt embarrassed!

Due date

My boss recently asked me pensively, “When are you due?”

“In seven month’s time!” I replied shyly, a little shy and early to talk about my pregnancy.

“What?”, he asked, apparently surprised.

Then I quickly realised that he was not even aware of my two-month old pregnancy! He was talking about my latest assignment.

“Sorry, Sir, I mean in seven minutes time!” “Oh, thanks, looking forward to reviewing,” he said.

Issue solved – he did not realise my initial answer was about a pregnancy soon to be revealed! Thank God.

Is that a pot?

I had not seen this friend of mine for a while. I must have been about six months pregnant and my bump was not really big.

Then she goes like, “Hi girl… good to see you!” Then at the top of her voice (and this was inside a pretty quiet bank hall), she goes “…Oh ma God! Is that a pot?! I can understand fat, but a pot that big? Get rid of it girl… And fast!”

I could only see the many men and women watching, bemused. Uuuurgh!!!! You don’t talk to a girl like that (in public) about her “pot”, do you?

Anyway, the least I can say is I wanted the entire floor to swallow me!

Eating for two

It’s a Saturday morning and I’m sitting in this restaurant with my husband just about to have breakfast. But he has to dash to an ATM and asks me to order for him his meal.

Later the waiter comes to my table and I order two full English breakfast meals.

When the waiter brings the tray full of food, he asks whether he should serve both teas at the same time or should he wait a while to bring me the second cup?

Before I could answer, he looked at my big bump and told me ‘…it must be difficult having to eat breakfast for two…’ DUH!

Unwanted sibling

My little girl is aparently not so jazzed about the expected arrival of a baby.

About two weeks ago I was at one of the city malls shopping with her. At one point I told her to come with me to look at some baby stuff which I thought were so cute she would definitely love to see them.

So I drag her to the babies’ section and point out at some cute rompers and booties and bassinets, but she shouts at the top of her voice “I don’t want another baby in our house!”

“If you and daddy want one, me I don’t…” Then she ran off to the toys section where we were shopping earlier.

I got some ‘understanding’ glances from other customers and a few ’embarrassed’ ones..

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END: PG 1/23