Mentoring in expectation
This past weekend, I was privileged to spend time in a company of women who had set aside the whole weekend to share their experiences with a group of 44 high school students in a motivational manner. This experience left an indelible mark on me. We were a total of 4 women, each one of us unique in our careers, family backgrounds, life experiences, dreams and hopes, and yet intricately united in one common cause: to inspire the young ladies towards academics and career success whilst maintaining personal integrity.
The two days were filled with laughter, tears, hugs, silence, stories, and genuine warmth that radiated through all of us. At the end of the two days. I had made friendships and forged alliances with women I know will be a special part of my life in the days to come.
Why am I sharing this with mothers-to be? In today’s fast paced world, it is quite easy to forget or to neglect the people around us who need a shoulder to lean on. a word of counsel to urge them on toward their life’s destiny, or simply a friend to listen. But we often get so wrapped up in our pregnancy’s demands, that the needs of those around us become insignificant.
Some of us may be expecting our second or even sixth baby, thus equipped with what a confused young mother-to-be, who could be any of our nieces, a neighbour’s daughter, or a destitute girl, is in dire need of. But our ‘state’ is more important.
I view mentoring as a life-changing experience for both the mentor and the protege. One lesson I have learned over the years is that I do not need to be perfect to offer someone a helping hand. All that is needed is my presence, my realness and my ears. Harris and Daley (2006) in their article, Mentoring in the Workplace: Creating Collaborative Learning Cultures, define mentoring as an alliance of two people that creates a space for dialogue that results in action and learning for both: it is also typically a one-to-one relationship between a more experienced and a less experienced individual based upon encouragement, constructive comments, openness, mutual trust, respect and a willingness to share.
From the above definition, it is clear that mentoring offers us an opportunity to encourage the weak amongst us. So, as much as pregnancy does have its toll on us, it is worthwhile to remember that there will always be one who is weaker than we are. That she is probably pregnant as you are yet lacking the money of a balanced diet, or is very apprehensive of her labour day, wallowing in the hurt of an estranged partner, has her hormones running all over the place thus keeping her important people at bay—the list may go on. What I am trying to say is that in your challenges of your expectancy, you still have something to offer.
Simple sense has it that when you want a smile from someone, you give them a simple smile. Psychology is not in the principle of giving and receiving. Therefore instead of spending time and money looking for things that will secure us at this delicate time, it may be worthwhile to look around and reach out to a needy sister in your own special way. Go ahead and offer constructive comments to boost her self-worth. We know how it feels like to lose the sexy curves and the flawless skin, right? Truth be told, not every one of us glows during our pregnancy. So picking out even if it is one thing that stands out about them during this time is likely to go a long way.
By reaching out in a mentoring relationship, we are accorded an opportunity to share openly and hence cultivate mutual trust and respect with our proteges. This provides a basis for a rich relationship among us as women who understand the joys, the fears, the anxieties and the excitement of carrying the gift of life within our wombs.
As I write this, I am hoping somebody will be motivated to start a “mothers-to-be mentoring program” where we can come together and share, laugh and cry as we learn life’s lessons on pregnancy and motherhood. I am also praying that someone will be bold enough to host and/or walk with a younger mother-to-be during their tenure of pregnancy and offer them the love and support they need.
Meeting in baby showers for the mentoring cause is surely in order. Nevertheless, making a point to meet together on a more frequent basis will have more impact: making time to talk, emptying our hearts to one another in a loving environment that has no room for judgmental attitudes.
I may never know how much impact I had on each student and the ladies’ motivation oriented weekend. But I know that day there was such a satisfaction that filled the very depth of my being. The satisfaction that each one of us should experience as we reach out to peer mentor. Therein lies greater reward.
END:PG27/16