Horrific marriage leaves a lovable scar

Judy knows the meaning of survival, shame and the most hateful thing of all, humiliation. You can play around with someone, even ignore them, but when you mess around with someone’s dignity, then you go too far. Judy has been through all this and more. She says she still enjoys life with a vengeance. This is her story.

I married because my parents wanted me to. I did not love this guy and the worst of it is that he was fifteen years older than me. My parents had to marry me off to a family with ‘status’, as they said. They did not want me marrying someone who could not fend for me. It was like a scene from those cheap soap operas that we are always glued to. The only difference was that I was part of the opera.

My husband to be was a hot shot lawyer. It was assumed that I was going to live like a queen. I later came to learn the hard way that money was not the answer to all my problems, nor was it my source of happiness. My wedding was done in a paltry thirty minutes, which was such a disappointment. But that’s besides the point.

I realized six months later that he had married me because of my looks. I was just another prized trophy for him. I was good to show off to his friends and to be a perfect hostess. If we were not out for a’ party, he was busy at work (at least that is what he told me). He came home around 11pm daily. I was miserable. My nights were cold, my days filled with boredom.

One day I decided to confront him, something I regret. That was the first time in my life I have ever been slapped. I still cannot believe it. I was so shocked, I could not move. I barely heard what he said next because I was in a daze. And the next minute I was being hauled and taken to my room, where I was locked in.

The last thing I remember is being told that I would not eat supper. I started laughing. I mean no one could stop me, right? I was wrong because I did sleep without supper. I was frightened. I always believed in being independent, so I decided to fight back. I was going to file for divorce.

This was the wrong move of course, my husband being a lawyer and trying his luck in politics. He found out two days after I had filed my application. I received the most severe beating, I thought I would die. I had to see a doctor the following day. He asked me if I wanted to report the case but I refused, knowing that I would just bring more torture to myself.

Here I was with all this education and yet I could not help myself. I used to think people who stayed in abusive relationships were insane but here I was, as helpless as one can be. The beating went on for a couple of months till one day l bled so badly, I had to be admitted. In the morning the doctor told me that I had lost my baby. I broke down; I thought I would go mad. I did not even know I was pregnant!

My husband pretended to be sorry. I use the word pretend because later when he would rain punches at me, he vowed that if I ever got pregnant again he would kill me. He did not want kids and that was final. He actually told me to go have my ‘tubes tied’ (tubal ligation).

I had dreams and there was no way he was going to stop me. I went on the pill and made sure he never got to know. One day I forgot to take the pills and two weeks later I knew I had a baby in me. It was bittersweet. I knew I had to protect this baby. Nothing would make me change my mind.

I ran away after a month. He had found out that I was pregnant and I knew the only way out was to leave him. I went back home and my parents were very disappointed in me. They actually called him so that he could come get me. I ran the following day to my grandmother’s place. There was no way I was going back to him. He let me be for sometime and later on he filed for a divorce; claiming that I had been cheating on him. I was happy that I was no longer with him but the threat was still there.

I was five months pregnant when I found out that I had a tumor on the breast. I was devastated. I had no idea what I was going to do. I mean, I was going to be a mother but now with the tumour? What was I to do? I went to my doctor for advice; and I was told that I would manage perfectly well to give birth to a healthy baby. I had to learn not to stress myself much so to avoid headaches. I had to change my diet completely. I made sure he did not know my condition because he would use it against me.

I got my baby boy last year. He knows of this and he does call me sometimes to threaten me but I am prepared for any storm that may come my way. I remarried and I have a husband who firmly supports me. I also started my own company.

I trust in God that everything is going to work out. I still go for operations and check-ups for my tumour and I can proudly say that I am a healthy mum.

I do know I have gone through a lot but I know that if it comes to my baby I will do anything. He will not be my downfall.

END: PG24/22-23