Rising above prejudice

About a month ago, I had the honor of playing host to children’s activity at a company’s AIDS awareness day. As I sat among the children, I was struck by the way they quickly formed friendships. Immediately I had placed them in their respective age-sets, I began to hear the bonding process forming. ‘Hi,’ said my little niece to a friend’s daughter.
‘Hi’, the new team-mate responded without holding back. ‘What school do you go to?’
‘Light Academy’ And you?’
‘St. Hannah’s Preparatory.’

I watched them play together, whisper to each other, pick for each other snacks, and by the end of the day I had been asked if Salma could visit Esther at their house. This week I had a phone conversation with Esther, my seven year old niece and she reminded me about Salma’s visit. Before I could figure out an excuse for the apparent non-fulfillment of my promise to help them stay in touch, she gave me the option of taking her to Salma’s house.

One may wonder where I am going with this but you see, the two girls are what our society would term as being different. Salma and Esther do not belong to the same ethnic or religious affiliations. In addition, their personalities are so different, with Salma being more of an extrovert than Esther, who may not necessarily be an introvert but is quite reserved and perspective. Later that evening as I watched the evening news, I was bombarded with a set of angry politicians from both sides of the political divide calling one another names and demanding for their share of the national cake. Seeing their prejudices displayed on national television made me ashamed. I wondered aloud if there was hope for the future. Yet as I went to bed, memories of Esther and Salma, who had bonded with each other without questioning what they were getting in the relationship, stirred in me a sense of hope. Here were children who had taught me the beauty of forging friendship without letting prejudice take reign.

Each time I look back at the two scenarios on that Friday, I marvel at the difference. It has been a humbling and learning experience. I must admit that what I experience on a daily basis is no different from the day-to-day political scene played on our national television. How often have I judged those that seem different from me? Where did I learn how to judge and condemn people with such precision? From my parents, my friends, my colleagues, or is it a choice I consciously made? I may never understand the genesis of these negative perceptions I have of certain people All I know is that I must have missed great opportunity to learn and share with those that I perceived as being different from me. What a shame.

I know most of us may have found ourselves in situations where we have been unable to be objective and accepting of those who are different from us. Yet as a mother-to-be, I believe you do have an opportunity to make good of lost chances in the gone past. The baby growing in the womb represents new life and new chances for that matter. Imagine if like Esther and Salma, you would be friendly to the person who sits next to you in the obstetrician’s office. You may be surprised that she may be the one with the best tips on how to recognize false labour! Or if we could just reach out to those we consider less superior to us: our house-helps, drivers, junior colleagues, and office support staff among others. What about your neighbor who is not affiliated to your religious, political or social group?

This will make a difference not just for yourself but also for your baby who will be born into an environment that is more tolerant and accepting of others, placing value on them and forging what can be life-long relationships. Ben Carson in his book The Big Picture: Getting perspectives on what’s really important (1999), states that prejudice was here yesterday, is here today, and will be here tomorrow. He further reminds parents that if they let their lives revolve around this fact they will certainly shortchange themselves and their children. He advises that in the Big Picture of life we should be far more concerned about the important issues than harboring or perpetuating prejudices. As long as one goes through life propagating prejudice or letting it dictate one’s life, he or she will never really accomplish what they are meant to in their lifetime.

And so as a mother-to-be, I would like to encourage us to begin to take time and reflect on where we have allowed ourselves to be controlled by prejudice. If we can systematically identify these areas and make a conscious decision to deal with the mental models that have so held us back over the years, then we will be assured of our babies’ lives being better than our experiences. What is the point of bringing a child into the world and bombarding him or her with so much negative energy, feeding his or her young mind with who to love and who not to love? And when they are grown up and they exhibit hate and malice towards others, we begin to wonder what went wrong. If we can rise above our prejudices as parents, one day at a time, then we will begin to create a better environment for our children. It may be difficult but it will be worth the effort.

The writer is a member of the Trauma Counsellors’ Network (Kenya). She is also a psychological counsellor and mentor by profession, and has a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology from The United States International University (Africa).

END: PG24/11