Having a baby saved our marriage

Just as Carol* made the resolve to leave her husband and count four years of their marriage as having been a waste of time, she discovered that she was expectant. This discovery was a blessing that set to straighten their earlier conflicts.

After a colorful wedding. I stayed for four years without conceiving. This brought a lot of conflict in my marriage work and  yet my husband and I did not want to seek a solution. Though I privately consulted doctors on my fertility, I knew where the real problem was; my husband’s addiction to computer games. We had no time for intimacy since all his free time was spent playing computer games. Sometimes he played overnight; he would come home from work and that is what he would do the entire night. This kept me worried and my health deteriorated. I cried during the lonely nights. Our families  started speaking out two years after our marriage, precisely suggesting that we separate because one of us had to be infertile.

One day there was a function at my maternal home and my husband gave me permission to go. It ended very late but I decided to go back to my matrimonial home. Upon reaching, I met my husband with his friend; he had falsely convinced him that my lateness meant I was out with another man. My explanation did not assuage his temper and he told me to walk out and find my way back from where I had come. It mattered less to him that it was raining. My pleas for him to allow me to spend the night in the house fell on deaf ears. I was not even allowed to pick any necessities-a phone, money or a sweater. He handed them to me the following morning after I spent the night at the door. I left to my parents’ home.

Life, no matter how hard, had to go on. I still had to read for exams I was to sit in two weeks’ time in Nairobi. I talked to my mum and we found a place where I could stay. Though near his parents’ place, I was determined to sever any contact with him so I never visited their home. About four months later, my uncle called and told me he wanted to see me. Oblivious to me, my husband was at his place and he had asked for my audience through him. We met. talked for several hours. resolved our earlier dispute then went home together. I was shocked to find my personal belongings missing in the house. There was not even one item of clothing or shoe present. Even the books and my makeup kit had somehow been cleared off the shelves.

Nevertheless, I loathed restarting another fight so I decided to make do with what I had-the dress I was wearing. I would wash it in the evening, and then wear it in the morning. This went on for about three months when he finally bought me new clothes.

A month later, I learnt that my mother in-law and my hubby had carried my clothes to their upcountry home. I was bitter that I never talked to my husband for three months though we were in the same- house. How could I have suffered when he knew all this time where my clothes were? I would still do the house chores and help him prepare for work, but no single word came from me. This time I was determined to wait for a while then leave him for good.

The turn around came during the 2007 election violence. It was unsafe for him to go to work and I also could not find transport to go home. So we were stuck in the house together. This inevitably made us communicate for the first time after three long months. We discussed what was happening in the country and slowly came to address our issues. He apologised for having taken my belongings upcountry and offered to have them ferried back.

Two weeks later. I noted body changes akin to pregnancy; I went to a clinic and tested positive for pregnancy. It thrilled me beyond any words. Three months later I told my husband that I was expectant. He was so excited! His change in attitude and behaviour towards me was so positive that I settled with him once again. Throughout my pregnancy he was a caring, supportive partner.

Now he is a responsible husband and a doting dad to our son. I believe having the baby changed him and he realised the value of marriage. Our baby is truly the saviour of our union and a smiling angel. Our relationship is steady and we have reconciled. Oh, if only we had not wasted the four years!

END: PG 26 /24-25