Many, many adjustments

Rachael Ndungu had all of a sudden become emotional. Her friends joked that they would take her for a pregnancy test. She gave in and bought the pregnancy test kit-how right her friends were!

Initially, I was very emotional, prone to tantrums and would cry at the drop of a hat. I was moved to the
cashiering section due to this. Though I was reluctant to say I was expectant, I had to reveal it to the management so that they would allow me to put on low open shoes.

Family
As interesting as the news was, I could not tell it to my family members. This is because my maternal grandmother was sick and bedridden. Two weeks into my pregnancy she passed on-still a moment too heavy for me to break news-especially to my mother. And quiet about it I remained, until ten weeks, when I could no longer hold it.

My mother was elated. Indeed pregnancy wouldn’t have come at a better time, as it has distracted her from the mourning. Instead she is now preoccupied with the well being of her first grandchild-to-be. The rest of the family is treating me delicately. My little brother, who seems preoccupied with his activities, has already gotten the baby a ball-we were expecting a boy. He also massages my swelling feet when I am home.

Work
My colleagues cushion me with understanding. There is a particular one who does my shopping and checks on me like an older sister would. She is quick to caution me when I don’t eat well or when I look down, citing that kind of behaviour has a way of getting to the baby.

Boy or girl?
As mentioned, I have been hoping I would deliver a boy and even had a name, Leon. Then in the process of a check up to establish whether the baby was fine, the doctor kept saying ‘she .. .’ ‘ … her’. And there it was a baby girl! As for the boy’s shopping I had done, my mother asked me not to worry. She is now on a shopping spree for her ‘namesake’-as she is already calling her.

Conversations
The first time the baby kicked, I was at work serving a client. I felt a flutter as if I had been gently touched in my inside, I thought it was gas, but then it was continuous. The client pointed out that I had a sheepish grin. I was enjoying my first physical conversation with my baby. We now converse more especially in the evenings after work. The baby responds in her own different ways .For instance if we are hungry, she will at first give a light kick. If I don’t feed, she kicks furiously until I respond.

Panicky
I wanted to be expectant at 25 and that is what happened. But look at me, feeling unprepared. At times I get really bad back pains. One time, I thought I was in labour and panicked because I thought I was going to have my baby when I was alone, which made me get paranoid. Having a doctor who does not tire of my serial calls-sometimes in the wee hours of the morning-is a blessing.

If I could only sit still and sleep soundly ,I would be the happiest; because finding the most comfortable sleeping position is quite elusive. Many are the times I wake up in the morning and immediately feel like the night has just began-I want to go back to sleep.

You can imagine dragging with you that sleep deficit to the office. This makes my night a real nightmare. However, as my term comes to an end, I find myself acquiring new characteristics like not being able to stand people who show up late for their appointments. I am so sensitive about any expectant woman or a mother carrying a young child at my work place that I am short of pulling my hair in wonder: Why would people not give them way? My sense of fashion has gone a notch lower. We are not allowed to wear trousers to the office so I am yet to up my game on funky maternity skirts and dresses.

EDD
The doctor has assured me that my pelvis is wide enough. I know I have the stamina of a horse. So, normal delivery, here we come!

Finances
I have learnt that no matter what in come level, you are never financially ready for a baby. Your diet, your wardrobe, baby clothes, clinic, toys, baby utensils, baby food … it almost takes the world to have all this. I have learnt to make do with the little I have.

Identity
Pregnancy is sobering. One day I feel I am my own individual, the next I am Rachael, the pregnant woman. Talk of mutating identity.

Sacrifices
I can hardly believe that I am shopping for the flattest and lowest shoe in the market, the same person who was wearing four-inch heels and strutting comfortably to work. I had bought several shoes before I discovered I was expectant and now I cannot wear them. My concern is that by time I will be able to wear them again, they may be out of fashion. Oh, the sacrifices we have to make! I no longer take anything for granted such as a good night’s sleep, being able to reach and see some parts of your body, a day when I am not irritable, and a small nice nose.

END: PG 28 /22-23