Fall in love with yourself
Love has been defined variably but for me the all time definition In the Holy Book sums it up quite well. Love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, and is not proud. Love is not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love rejoices in the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. This definition seems out of human reach and yet a quiet reflection indicates that it is possible for one to grow in love in due time. However, whenever most of us think of love, we think in terms of relationships with others, and rarely with regard to our personal selves.
How can a mother-to-be who may be plagued with fatigue, morning sickness, mood changes and an escalating appetite resulting in shocking weight gain begin to love herself? In order for the mother-to-be to fall in love with herself, she needs to appreciate that it is a life-long process that calls for consistent effort and change in perspective. It may be a difficult process but it is certainly not impossible. Loving oneself also serves as a cornerstone for your life in the midst of all its demands and responsibilities, more so with the arrival of the newborn.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning, one of the greatest romantic poets, who wrote the celebrated poem ‘How Do I Love Thee’ in one of her collections Sonnets from the Portuguese found love as we know it, though quite late in life. She met the love of her life, Robert Browning, when both were over forty years old and at the age of forty-three she had her first child. This experience spurred her gift for poetry and what we have now is a diverse and rich collection of her work (Ref: GOD’S Little Lessons on Life, 1999).
Unlike Elizabeth, who had to wait until Robert came along to bring out the best in her. one can begin the process earlier, with focus on herself. The process of falling and staying in love with oneself begins with an honest appraisal of oneself which is based on pertinent questions that touch on a broad scope of
characteristics of true love. The first question to ask is How patient am I with myself?’ How often do you chide yourself even when you know there are certain circumstances beyond your control? How is it possible to be patient with others and not yourself? Secondly. ‘Am I kind to myself?’ How often do you describe yourself in positive terms, opting to see the best in you rather than the seemingly numerous flaws? Third, are there past wrongs against myself that I have totally refused to let go?’ These have in turn gnawed at your inner being and you have lost all capacity to love who you are! Fourth, how much do I protect myself? How much are you willing to shield yourself from harm, whether physically or emotionally? This includes protection from unhealthy relationships in your life. Fifth, ‘How much do I trust myself?’ Do you have confidence in who you are and what you are capable of? How much are you willing to share your convictions with others? Sixth. ’Do you have hope for yourself?’ Are there passions and dreams that spur you on. and are you willing to pay the price to see them fulfilled? Lastly. Am I able to persevere in the face of obstacles or adversity for the sake of who I am and what I am capable of?’
As you celebrate the gift of romantic love during this month, reflect on what loving yourself truly means and its importance to you as a mother-to-be. You can only give what you have. If as a person you love yourself, then it is possible to love your partner, your children and of course the new born that is about to make entry into this world. Love is a beautiful gift: receive it first for yourself then you can confidently share with others. Have a special Valentine’s Day this year!
The writer is a member of the Trauma Counsellors’ Network (Kenya). She is also a psychological counsellor and mentor by profession, and has a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology from the United States International University (Africa).
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