Chola’s Frank view
This is a legacy edition story. True stories of past pregnancies in yester days (or years), as published in Pregnant Magazine.
‘As a husband or a man you are more attracted to breasts that are upright and “looking” at you,’ laughs Pastor Joel Chola. But he understands that ‘…with a baby having to suckle them it’s not a problem.’
Interview by Anne Kigathi
PASTOR Joel Chola is married to Pauline Chola. They are both involved in ministry at the Nairobi Light House Church where Joel is the youth’s pastor while his wife does part-time counselling. The couple has been married for the last ten years. ‘We have two girls and one boy. Our first born is seven, then his sister is five, followed by another one who is two,’ says Joel.
Pauline is 33 weeks pregnant with their fourth child and Joel reveals excitedly, ‘This one is coming in December. I have faith that it is a boy. No scan yet, but I’m never wrong. I know how to get a boy!’
Even though he is not a medic, Joel is well read on pregnancy matters as a husband. He goes on to explain in detail about ovulation and the behaviour of X and Y chromosomes which determine the sex of the baby. He states that even with the other kids he and his wife knew what sex their child would be.
They have always longed for a big family—at least five children. ‘The scan showed it is one baby even though I was hoping for two,’ laments Joel. ‘I told the lady who was doing the scan, ‘you must be wrong, this stomach is too big!’
Does he have an explanation for his wife’s ‘big’ tummy? ‘I think it is because our last baby did not breastfeed for long, only for five months. I have come to realise that breastfeeding helps to shrink a mother’s stomach. Hers never went back to normal for this reason. I am hoping for that this time; I have been telling her, ‘I hope we get a boy who suckles your breasts until you get back your size!’
After their third child was delivered through a Caesarean section, Joel and Pauline decided that they would adopt two kids to complete their desired family. Later Pauline, however, said that she was willing to deliver again. The couple is still set at five children and Joel confesses that they plan to adopt a fifth child.
Pauline develops acne with every pregnancy
‘Every time we expect a baby Pauline normally develops acne. Her whole body gets pimples, her back especially.’ Joel feels sorry for her because many people keep comforting her about it. He says, ‘She keeps telling me, ‘I must be looking bad. People are telling me sorry because of my face.’ She gets these big, big pimples on her face. If you see her picture before pregnancy you will not believe it is the same person. But we know it is not a disease. If you look at her she looks different but that does not mean she is not attractive. I am very attracted to my wife. She still makes me feel some tingly power!’ he laughs loudly for a while. ‘The moment the baby is born it takes only two weeks for all the acne to go. And then within two to three months her face is as beautiful as ever!’
She was 45 kilograms…now she is 79
Pauline has added weight, Joel observes. ‘Her weight is normally between 62 and 65 kilograms but now she is 79, almost 80 and by the time the baby comes she will be 85. I have never seen a body change like hers. When I married her she was 45 kilograms; yes, 45! Within two years she was 50. When she got pregnant she went all the way to 80. Then came back to 60; I was like—’what’s going on with you?”
Luckily he’s got it all figured out now: ‘I have realised that all I have to do is understand her. This pregnancy is fifty percent my contribution hence ‘we’ are pregnant, not her alone. Pregnancy is something you carry as a couple.’
This pregnancy is proving to be challenging
Joel is finding this fourth pregnancy a bit challenging compared with the previous ones. Pauline struggled a bit especially in the first trimester. She suffered a lot from nausea and frequently struggled to eat. He believes it is because she is a little bit older, at 31 years. He explains that, ‘She has back problems and pain in her teeth. I think it is because of low calcium. She has also had a bit of migraines and is very fatigued. That’s why I keep saying this is the last one, hopefully, unless God speaks to us!’
He remembers past days when pregnancy and birth were much easier. ‘First of all we got married very young, my wife was 21 and I was 26 years old. Our first baby came two years later. It was very easy; she did not even feel the labour pains. In fact on the day she went into labour we were out having fun, and then pop! the waters broke! So we went into a cafe and I told some women there, ‘My wife is having a baby! Can you assist me with a phone?’ Those days there were no mobile phones. They laughed and asked ‘This woman is having a baby? She should be in pain and on the floor!’ The only time she experienced significant pain was in the last stage of labour when she had to push the baby out.’
Their second baby was almost delivered at home, adds Joel. The doctor commented that if they had delayed just a while Pauline would have delivered at home. ‘With the third baby we ended up with the Caesarian because her head was facing upwards,’ he concludes thoughtfully.
I have been cooking and washing dishes
Pauline is evidently less active during this pregnancy, even though at the moment she is very energetic. ‘She’s at the moment washing the house and cooking for me. She is awesome. But in general she has slowed down. Whereas she would be all over the place, with this pregnancy she prefers to be at home reading pregnancy books and her Bible. In the past few weeks I have been cooking and washing dishes, she cannot do a lot of that any more. Yesterday she washed the house, which I thought was quite interesting. One of the things I have to admit is that I have to give her time to rest, give her more space. Some of the things she does for me I have to do them myself. I could say she is lazy, but I understand that she is pregnant. I have to adjust to the fact that I have to do a lot more for myself.’
She sometimes looks…distant
Emotionally, Pauline is becoming more sensitive. Joel draws this conclusion from a recent incident. ‘About a week ago we travelled on holiday and towards the end I noticed that every time I would say something it seemed like I was upsetting her. It’s not what I am used to, but it does not scare me because I know it is for a season, it will pass. She sometimes looks like she is thinking a lot, distant. Generally we men don’t go through the challenges that women face physiologically and emotionally. Women have seasons, we don’t. We men are stable. We are the same today, tomorrow and forever.’ He states that because he and Pauline talk a lot, he understands her and they have even managed to remain sexually active.
‘We are close, we are intimate. We have read books where people say, “You know it is hard to be intimate during pregnancy,” I think we are one of those rare couples, we are blessed!’ With experience I know her breasts are very tender and I am very careful. At this point they are getting ready for suckling. Obviously in terms of physical appearance of the breasts, usually as a husband or a man you are more attracted to breasts that are upright and ‘looking’ at you’, he laughs but quickly adds, ‘…just being blunt about it, but with a baby having to suckle them it’s not a problem. I love it when my kids are breastfeeding because I know it is the healthiest thing. The last one disappointed us because she refused the breast at five months; the others have breastfed until over twelve months—at least a year and a half. Our baby suckles the breasts and is responsible for the breast changes.’
We men are very solution-oriented
According to Joel, a man has to seek to understand what his wife is going through because she is carrying a heavy load. A man should not always be looking for solutions. We men are very solution-oriented. If my wife tells me her back is paining my first thought is that we must see a doctor right away. Men solve a problem and move on, but not so with women. Like last Sunday she had a backache and a headache and I told her, ‘Babe, we are going to the hospital from church to check your blood pressure.’ She told me, ‘No, no, no, I am fine.’ What she was trying to do was communicate with me what she was feeling so I could share the load with her. She was not asking for solutions.’
If it’s a normal birth the man should be there
Joel has been in the delivery room when the babies are born. ‘If it’s a normal birth the man should be there,’ he advises. ‘I think being with my wife during delivery has helped her. In the delivery room it takes her only a few minutes and the baby is out. I have never missed any of her natural deliveries. The pain of birth! I respect her for that. If I had to go through that kind of pain for three or four hours I would not be smiling with anybody; I would probably come out punching. One time I was with my wife during labour. I was trying to make her relax and I would try making jokes. She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the floor! She would squeeze my fingers until the ring hurt me.
It was just great to be there, to see our kids come forth, take their first breath. I was there except during the Caesarian section. I really wanted to be there but the doctor told me, “This is a bit different.’”
To prepare himself for the day of celebration, Joel keeps abreast of every moment of ‘their’ pregnancy. ‘Every week I get to read a pregnancy book, try to determine how the baby has progressed and feel the baby as well, especially when my wife says “the baby is kicking, the baby is kicking!” I put my head on her tummy and listen to the baby.’
She looks better in trousers and fitting tops
I think my wife looks more beautiful when she is pregnant. She just looks so sweet with that belly. I think this time she looks better in pregnancy trousers and short, fitting tops. She does wear long African free-flowing clothes and she looks fine in them but to be quite honest I .think she looks much better in trousers. Some clothes hide the pregnancy and they make her look so big. I have told her that, so she dresses more in trousers. At night she is fine in a nightdress because she cannot sleep in a trouser!’
Joel does not want to conclude without a word for pregnant beauties. They should try not to hide their emotions—but to just control such feelings. They also need to realise that the husband is still there. They should not be so caught up with the baby as to forget the husband. Do not sideline your husband. Do your best to involve him and tell him what you are feeling. Let him know that he is still number one in your life!’
END: PG4/28-30