Baby from rape – Baby from rape – taking the first steps…

Finding That Ray Of Hope In A Time Of Crisis

Note: real names of individuals and locations withheld

Jacinta had completed her fourth form the year before. Her mother, a school teacher who lived in Muhura, wanted Jacinta to attend computer classes. Since there were no computer schools in Muhura, she requested her younger brother Miria, Jacinta’s uncle, to take Jacinta to stay with an older uncle in Nairobi where she could attend a computer college.

Jacinta had never been to Nairobi, so when the day came she cheerfully said bye to everybody and accompanied her uncle to the bus stop. She was so excited that she held her uncle’s hand as they left home to take the bus. They arrived in Nairobi at about six o’clock in the evening. Miria indicated that they would spend the night in a lodging since the older uncle’s house was far. He also did not have much money, so they would have to sleep in the same room. Miria would take the chair and Jacinta the bed.

He warned her not to tell anybody since they would not believe it anyway

Jacinta did not sense any trouble and so she fell fast asleep. Her uncle attacked her, overwhelmed her and raped her. She lost her virginity. She was dazed, confused and could not believe what had just happened.

Miria warned her not to tell anybody since they would not believe it anyway. After all, she “wanted it”, he claimed. That explains why she held his hand as they left home. So Jacinta told no one. She felt so ashamed, so embarrassed and blamed herself for being such a fool.

She missed her period, but she didn’t think much of it. Jacinta was still in a state of confusion. But when she missed her next period, she realized she was in trouble. She finally went home to visit her mother and told her everything that had happened. She told her she had missed her period three times. Her mother screamed at her and called her names, telling her not to mention Miria’s name. He would never do anything like that.

Jacinta’s mother accused her of turning into a prostitute in Nairobi. She ordered her to, ‘get rid of that thing and let me not hear anything about it”.

Njambi was 30 years old and lived alone in a flat. On her way from work one evening, three men abducted her and raped her. Once free, she rushed home that night and ran into the shower. She showered six times that night because she felt so dirty, so unclean, so ashamed and so worthless. If only she had left work early, she thought. If only she had called her boyfriend to walk her home that night! And If only she had heeded the warnings not to walk that dark spot alone at night.

It would remain her sad little secret…

She believed it was her fault, so she decided to tell no one, not even her mum. Not even her boyfriend. It would remain her sad little secret…

Then Njambi missed her period once, twice……..three times! “This can’t be happening to me”, she thought. When she went for a pregnancy test. It was positive!

Facing rape and pregnancy—what are the challenges?

When confronted by a rape crisis a victim goes through various emotional phases. One is shock and denial. ‘This can’t be happening to me!’ This is followed by anger and depression. Depression is the lowest point of the victim’s emotions and after that comes acceptance and resolution.

When pregnancy from the rape ordeal is confirmed, the crisis cycle is intensified. The victim may go through intense anger at the man or men who did this to her, at God who just watched as she was being violated, and at all the men she knows or meets. Apart from anger, she goes through various feelings such as fear, guilt, anxiety, helplessness and worthlessness. Additionally, she has to deal with this baby inside her. After every self-blame and self-pity cycle, she begins all over again before she can finally reach a level of acceptance and resolution in her rape and pregnancy crisis.

The mind of a pregnant rape victim

What goes through her mind as she tries to come to terms with it?

• I am carrying the child of a rapist. Can I really say this is ‘my’ baby? What kind of child will this be?
• To have this baby will mean I will never get rid of the memory of what happened to me. It will be a reminder of what happened, all my life. I have to bring this to an end.
• I don’t know the father of the child. How will I tell my child he/she is the result of rape? In Jacinta’s case, ‘how will I tell my child that my uncle is the father?!’
• Who will believe I was really raped? Jacinta’s mother didn’t believe her. Njambi didn’t even tell her boyfriend, so how can she now tell him she was raped and is pregnant? The risk of losing him is real! Abortion therefore beckons strongly; can she be strong enough to resist it?
• If only I could lay my hands on him. I must make the guy who did this to me suffer. I must get revenge and my justice.

To many of the victims, the only option they think they have is abortion. A few think of adoption and some actually keep the baby. Can it ever be right to refrain from having an abortion?

END: PG 2/20