Who will nurse me after delivery? Part 2

Immediately after delivery, most women are not in a position to take care of themselves. At such a time women need a lot of assistance and support. The only person who can adequately help in such a situation is the husband. Men share their take on this issue with Roseline Atieno

Adjusting after you have delivered is not easy. It all depends on whether you had a smooth delivery, or one with complications. Due to the degree of obstetric complication and the type of labour, a woman may undergo an episiotomy or a Caesarean section. Without due care, such women may find themselves predisposed to ‘baby blues’ or in extreme cases, postpartum depression after they have delivered. After delivering, it is common for women to experience hormonal changes, fatigue, irritability, hopelessness and sometimes, they may even cry for no apparent cause because of certain difficulties they are experiencing. To build her strength and confidence, a woman will need support, care and assistance from her close acquaintances; and most importantly her partner.

Some European countries such as Denmark and Netherlands, guarantee paternity leave as well as care leave, for the care of their children, spouse/partner -as well as family members which is consequently compensated for by the supervisor. In Kenya, the Parliament only recently passed an Act that offers two weeks paternity leave. Still, a man may decide to take the usual annual leave to take care of his family. Despite all that, the puzzling question is; when it comes to caring for women after they have delivered, do men still have the courage to stand by their wives and take care of them? Pregnant sought to find out.

The other weekend I was requested to help rush Peggy, a friend of mine, to hospital. She was already forty weeks along and her water bag had burst catching her by surprise. She was on the verge of delivering on the road. Fortunately, there was no snarl up that day and we managed to reach the hospital with little difficulty. She was immediately rushed to the delivery room, with her sister-in-law as her birth partner. Together with us was John, her husband of five years. John looked extremely anxious. Pacing up and down and sweating profusely. I turned and saw how constantly worried he was that Peggy was actually in the delivery room. He looked traumatised. He occasionally glanced at his watch and fixedly stared at the door way waiting to be told that everything was actually alright. Luckily after a few hours, Peggy delivered safely and it was all merry.

With this experiential touchstone, I then asked myself: if men could love their wives this much at the time of delivery, could they still do so even after? Conventional wisdom says, that the baby bonds both with the mother and the father at all times. Does this still hold true to some men when asked to care for their wives after delivering, or do they freak out in the belief that; it is a woman’s problem? I interviewed a number of readers and got the following views.

My wife gave birth through a C-section. That was in 2005. At that time she looked so sick and helpless. The baby also endlessly cried every night. My wife was in acute pain: she could neither bend nor bathe, and she could only eat liquid food. She could not take it all on her own. I had to help her. I therefore took a one month leave to help her out. I had sworn to do everything I could to help her get through it. It was our second baby, but the first through a C-section. With my constant help, my wife was able to get back on her feet very fast.

In my opinion it is important that men render their assistance as much as possible. I saw how much pain my wife was going through. At first when she was discharged from the hospital, she used to cry a lot. The house help could not help much, though she used to help with the baby.                                                     Julius Ouma

Principally, the man should take care of the woman no matter the situation. It is the responsibility of a man to ensure that the wife is comfortable in whichever condition; whether she is sick or not. However, the only thing that may make a man freak out is tradition- especially when a woman is pregnant or after she has delivered. Tradition defines roles and those people that are still entrenched in their traditions may find it hard to renege on their culture. However, the suitable person to take care of the wife is the husband, because at that particular time, she is very weak and in need of support both physically and emotionally. The husband is better placed, because the wife can easily confide in him.                           Alfred Matiru

As said by our interviewees, it is wise to note that we are living in a contemporary society, where a lot has changed; where people no longer practise the cultures of the 20th century. At least today when you walk around the city, you will see one or two men carrying their babies. Even in the supermarket, you will see a man holding the baby while the woman is comfortably pushing the trolley. At the hospital when a woman has delivered, you will see the man in tow with the newborn in his hands. In today’s society, men are embracing the idea of sharing responsibilities, caring for the wife and trying to make the wife more relaxed and comfortable. When a man takes care of his wife, it is a way of abiding by the vows they made at the altar, ‘for better or for worse.’ A man ought to be there when the wife is sick, ensure that she gets the right medication, and encourage her.

However, the only challenge a man would have is wondering what his friends and in-laws would think, if they get word that he is doing household chores, caring for the baby, or bathing his wife. In spite of all this, the man ought to understand that both he and his wife are in a marriage covenant, and so they have to use each ounce of strength and love to be there for each other.

What a man could do for his woman after deliver

• Provide psychological support.
• Help in house chores and any other errands.
• Teach the partner if it is something that needs professional care.
• Care for the baby, for example, changing the baby’s diapers, and rocking the baby when she is crying. This will help the woman to get the amount of rest she needs.
• In case of an episiotomy, the man should help in caring for the wound, by cleaning it with warm saline water.
• In case of a C-section, the man should help in cleaning the incision carefully.

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