Fathers should take the lead

Sylvester Okumu is a man who loves his role of a father. He shares his passion of fatherhood with Pregnant’s Rebecca Njoki.

Admittedly, having a second baby on the way is not as anxious an experience as the first time when my wife. Constance, was expecting Jeanne, our first born daughter. Then, everything seemed to catch us unawares. We were so naive on a number of issues, including her body changes and the sudden dislike for certain foods and smells. Then we realised that with pregnancy we were discussing the raising of a family. Now we are more confident about ourselves. Our first child is now six years old and the experience in nurturing her adds onto our confidence.

Inspiration
I draw my inspiration from Barrack Obama who states that for a man to be a leader in any position in the society, he ought to be physically present for his wife and children. I am a strong advocate of family values and I believe that with responsibility comes the challenge of parenthood. Parenthood means being there physically for your children and wife, and more so emotionally: it is not just a question of paying bills. If any man has difficulty with taking care of his family, he has no business holding any public office. I feel inspired by the US president because he sends a strong signal to people who think that the 21st century is about keeping their wives in oblivion or neglecting their families. His presence with his family is a strong indicator that that should not be so. Supportive fathers are not only a source of an inspiration to future parents but also to their families. Being a husband does not mean marrying a lady only, but also being there. By being a hands-on husband and father you impart strong values in the family that helps to strengthen them psychologically.

How has Constance changed?
When we initially got married, the perception that lingered in my mind was that she was still a young girl and new to many things. Now as the days go by she has become remarkably responsible as a mother to our children. I would say she has shaped and positioned herself towards motherhood in a very admirable way. She knows that becoming a mother is not the only important thing: there is the aspect of standing out as a role model to others. Being a father of two is an added responsibility especially in this modern world but I accept and welcome It. Though the cost of living is high, one cannot run away from parenthood in the name of fear of responsibility. To me. it is a challenge that I am taking positively and really looking forward to.

How has it affected your lives?
There has been the usual suspect, morning sickness. And at times she detests the colognes I wear. Certain food stuffs also become a no-no while some traditional foods are largely a preference. But I take comfort in knowing that this change in behaviour is temporary and unintentional. I have taken it in stride by making changes that suit her whims. Socially nothing much has changed, for I am not a party animal. I actually go home straight from work because I value being together with my family above all else.

Changing society’s perception
I would love to change the perception of fathers especially the modern ones, who believe it is not their business to be available if their wives are pregnant. I would want them to learn the value of their physical presence in addition to meeting daily basic needs and paying bills for their families. I believe pregnancy Is the physical and biological aspect of a man and a woman and as such they should walk together in their expectancy. Children take up after your character and they need to see you walk hand in hand with them as they achieve the various milestones in life. So by being present, fathers become leading examples. Then generations that follow will understand that fatherhood is so much more than making a woman pregnant.

I have learnt a lot
One. responsibility while undertaking challenges of parenthood. I know that in everything I do. ultimately, I have obligations to my family. Secondly, patience. When I first saw my daughter, her physical presence stirred excitement in me: and as she grew, I gained certain values such as patience. Initially, I was so impatient. I have also learnt to be perseverant. When you train someone who does not know something, you do not expect her to learn it overnight. It takes time.

Making preparations
First and foremost are the psychological preparations. Then we have to start reducing the costs in the house by three quarters so that we can save up for the forthcoming baby. Being our second time, we have had experience which as the English say. is the best teacher.

END: PG22/24-25