Worry Not – You are the man

A Man’s View Point

If you thought only women get worried about pregnancy, halt right there. Bump worries are not just made for the ladies; men too get their fair share of it!

FEELINGS of anxiety will always be present in both parties once a woman is declared pregnant. One might ask what a man has to worry about—after all he carries no child in his womb. In fact he has no womb in the first place; he only carries his own stomach, and a stomach is not something that should worry a man. Unless of course it is empty that can indeed cause quite a bit of havoc in the house.

Let us not rub it in, but romance is one of the big worries a man might have as soon as he realises his wife has conceived. Will she be willing to indulge romantically as much as before? ‘What will she think of sex?’ might be a question to ponder on. Will she hate to love him; there are some pregnant wives who experience absolute reverse attraction for their husbands. Such a woman will loathe even the smell of him. let alone his colognes!

While the man might get worried about sex and might even visualise his wife’s tummy protrusion and the obstacles it might present, the lady might get engrossed with worries about matters of the heart. And the face. And the body. In short, will her man still find her as appealing and attractive as he occasionally lyrics her? In the wake of her expected body changes, her biggest worry is ‘what will he think of me?’

It is possible that a man believes that his partner might be uncomfortable making love, and hence unwilling to be engaged in romantic antics that go all the way. Whereas, these fears might hold their ground, many men have totally missed the point and failed to counter-check their conclusions. There are many women who actually get raved up by pregnancy. According to obstetricians (see previous issues of Pregnant), there is nothing to be apologetic about. These sensations are not a bad idea at all! It is paramount to understand that romance need not change with the coming of pregnancy in ones life.

For some though, starting up thoughts or imagination on romance during pregnancy has been and might remain a tricky undertaking. One reason is that pregnancy brings along with it a sense of responsibility. Both partners have to psychologically and physically prepare for the impending event in their life—the birth of a child. Unconsciously, their efforts and attention towards one another become more challenged. As they get more absorbed by emotional and Financial demands, they stagger and diminish their romantic involvement. But come to think of it, who wouldn’t be afflicted by this bug?

The woman is justified to be thinking of the scare of birth. She is also forgiven for worrying of the new life to be delivered. Also for worrying about her own self and her ability to carry through the pregnancy. She needs plenty of support in preparing for any eventualities that might arise during pregnancy and birth. She needs a shoulder to lean on and someone to cry to. about how scared she is at the thought of an episiotomy or the pain of labour.

These are matters that a man may consider as ‘natural* as the air we breathe, so what the heck? A man taking this view might miss the fact that if there is any time during a woman’s life that she needs her man’s unreserved attention and support, it is when she gets pregnant. The fear or assumption that she will feel least romantic is yet to receive credibility. Therefore, this is the time that the man in the man should stand up to be counted, literally!

The moments of intimacy may come across as awkward when the woman metamorphosises and develops a bulge and gains weight.

You, the man, should encourage your partner with endearing words. Spruce up your love of life and bring back the sparkle in her eyes. Tell her all the beautiful things you have ever dreamed of about her and you together. Boost her ego and self-esteem by convincing her that she is still the most desirable and admirable woman in your life. Mean it: don’t just say it! If you feel so. let her know that you would always do anything in the world for her. In short, be part of her pregnancy experience.

This should help you to overcome your own fears because you would be so involved with her to have time for any worries. When it gets to the point where your woman is feeling so pregnant and even un-sexy. invest your excess energies into fruitful ventures such as cooking her that special, coveted delicacy, rushing out to bring her flowers and gifts. It is time to purchase those gifts she has ever subtly hinted at but you never got round to buying. This should help keep the flame of connection and romance burning.

Do everything you can for her because this is one period of time you can bet your woman will remember forever.

If getting intimate ever becomes difficult or the doctor advices otherwise, indulge in non-sensual substitutes too. For example, dial up a aromatic spa and accompany her for a relaxing therapeutic treat. Participate in the massage session if possible and when back home become her mystic masseur. Work magic by rubbing her back and feet, doing her nails or at times just brushing her hair. Afterwards, help her dress up…

Join her in, or even invite her for shopping sprees. Be sure to identify and pick not just the lingerie, but sexy maternity dresses as well. You might experience an unexpected, nice sensation while you choose what garments appeal to both of you. Crack up some jokes in your own imaginative lingua franca—and try to keep the heat simmering till you get to the safety haven of your home.

When away at work, send your partner coy messages through phone calls, sms’s, mail or have deliveries made of her favourite lunch meal. Keep the laughter and joy going by leaving each other messages around the house. You can even use this opportunity to suggest baby names. At bed time, try sprinkling rose petals in the bedroom or even on each other. Ultimately, try the grand finale— reward her with a heavenly feeling when you rub her bump with her favourite anti-stretchmark cream, in smooth, circular motions!

All in all always put into mind and consideration what your partner considers romantically appealing. That way, great sensations might just surface and keep your romantic self going until month nine.

END:PG14/72-73