Strength of a Woman

She did it 14 times
Marriage is a holy covenant; entered into by two people who have mutually agreed to love each other ’till death do us part.’ However, life does not always let this happen. Marriages have been known to happen for convenience, and more so for economic reasons. And then there are those instances where marriage is forced upon someone who is choice less.

Mary Kemunto Magare found herself in the latter group. At 18 years of age, the gift of marriage was ‘bestowed’ on her much to her unwillingness and unpreparedness. A daughter back then, she says, was a sign of wealth. Any young man who wanted a girl’s hand in marriage was required to part with dowry in the form of cows, ranging between twelve and twenty five cows. For this reason, her uneducated parents did not find any reason to enroll her in school.

When a man spotted a girl he thought would make a good wife, he passed through her parents first to make known his wishes. So when a certain teacher saw the young, beautiful girl by the name Mary, he went straight to her parents and advanced his case. Now, being a teacher was in itself a plus for the young man, and secondly, the fact that the cows would be brought home sooner, made the necessary ceremonies happen faster.

Mary remembers coming home one day from running her errands to find people celebrating. Lots of the Kisii local brew, busaa, was in the offing. On enquiring the reason for the celebration, she was told that it was her celebration. That her husband-to-be was visiting. ‘I was shocked,’ recalls Mary. ‘Here was someone I hardly knew and yet he was being referred to as my husband-to-be!’

In the confusion bolstered by the shock, Mary ran away but alas! She was traced and brought back in no time. It was at this time that European missionaries were making their inroads to rural Kisii and Christianity was becoming popular. So a wedding was fixed to take place in three weeks at the local church. Vows were eventually exchanged and young Mary was on her way to her new home and family. Contrary to expectation, this was a journey filled with overflowing blessings, overlooking the unlikely gloomy start.

Children
‘I got my first baby in the year 1961 after getting married but, unfortunately, the baby passed away in the first year,’ she recalls with nostalgia, looking as though it had just happened the previous day. But this doom starter was not a precursor of things to come. Life saw her get 13 children with the stopper being in the year 1984, twenty three years after her first. ‘I got a boy after the first one passed away, then immediately got a girl. What followed was an entry of ten boys into the world, including two sets of twins. At this moment in time, I thought I would never get another girl though my heart sincerely prayed for that.’

Sure, getting a boy was looked upon with pride from all quarters; how much more pride did Mary attract with eleven of them. But, the desire for a girl kept ringing in her heart. She told herself that if and when she got a girl, she would call it quits. This wish was met in the year 1984. ‘While heavy with a child that I intended to be the last one, I had an incline to girl dresses. I would see them displayed in the market and get the urge to buy them,’ remembers Mary. Ten boys in a row would have made any woman think that even the one following would be a boy. However, a pleasant surprise awaited Mary. The child she bore on 25th July 1984 was a girl. As an honour to the promise she had made to herself, she closed her pregnancy chapter.

The pregnancies
Family planning education was introduced later in Mary’s life. Traditionally, culture, especially among the Abagusii, favoured and encouraged large families. This happened to be the case with her family. ‘You would get a baby in January and come December you had another,’ she says, adding that it was easier raising a big families, as opposed to nowadays. ‘I never experienced any difficulty during all these pregnancies. I carried all of my 14 pregnancies with the pride of a lioness. Immediately I got a baby, a month would see me working in the shamba. But again, I never really rested during the pregnancies. Constant work proved to boost my birth experiences as my muscles tended to remain strong.’

Knowing beforehand
Modern ‘technology has made it possible for pregnant women to tell their baby’s sex and to even know the days when the baby is tentatively expected. This, according to Mary, was something unheard of in the past. ‘Never did I know the sex of the baby I was carrying: she says laughing. And how did she get to know her EDD? The only pointer was the initial labour pains! That is when she would call her helper, a girl she fondly calls Bosibori, to come by her side and aid her to deliver. ‘I gave birth to most of my children at home,’ she recollects.

Getting to know she was pregnant
‘The main indicator was my change in appetite,’ she says. ‘During my pregnancies, I used to crave red meat, fried blood, goat intestines and the like. Thus anytime these cravings surfaced, I immediately knew another being was on the way.’

Mary’s diet while expectant
‘It was nothing special. I mostly ate ugali made from wimbi, porridge, milk and of course the traditional brew, busaa. Funny how it gave me lots of the much needed energy.’

Educating her children
The thirst for education always happens to burn more in those who never experienced that chapter in life. Mary says that as much as her parents never enrolled her in a formal learning institution, she knew well that for her children to have a bright future, she had to give them an education. ‘My husband, a teacher back then and later a counselor, was not home most of the time: she says. This gave her more responsibility to ensure that her children’s needs at school and at home were well met. ‘From my farming activities and other businesses, I ensured that my children never lacked anything when they were under my watch. I saw to it that I gave them the best I could at that time.’

These fruits did not go unpaid. In her stable now, Mary boasts of a lawyer, a teacher, a computer specialist, a journalist, an army officer, a social worker and many other careers that have seen her children rise and embrace the spirit of hard work that she bestowed upon them.

Delivery-then and now
Mary notes that far too many pregnant women are opting for the C-section as opposed to natural delivery. ‘It seems today’s women are just as soft as the food they eat,’ she says with a skeptical look, ‘If only they would harden enough and face the push… As long as a woman is physically fit and medically able to handle a normal delivery, that is the best way to go. I pushed 14 times and the only time they performed a small cut (episiotomy) was during my first delivery. It is a pain one gets used to-not scared of. It is beautiful. Indeed, a bow to a strong woman.

END: PG 20/ 16-19