Something about Miss know it all

I have come across a few people who have never been pregnant but who know about my pregnancy better than I do. And well, they do not have any reservations about letting me know they do. I call them Book Pregnancy Experts.

Please understand that I have nothing against reading to acquire knowledge to make you more marketable and resourceful. I only have a problem with those of us who make it a point to air their somewhat ‘well-researched’ views about pregnancies whose experience they do not even have an iota about.

We were a bevy of women-most of whom were young mothers like myself. Among us was this person, whose behaviour is the basis of my journal this time. This dear friend that we love, bolts out of the blues with the topic ‘Weight maintenance in Pregnancy’. She goes on to say that other than it being for your wellness, it is very important that you continue to look attractive for your husband -because he is your number one sweetheart, blah-blah-blah. Well, it is very important to eat with a plan. I have had a few issues with my new look, and once in a while I wonder whether I will get back my former gentle curves. I mean, if you have never had to deal with binges and cravings in pregnancy, you may need to dispel your knowledge more carefully.

So I try to explain to my charged informant that her approach is not holistic. But her response is a look that suggests that I am destabilizing one of the fundamental pillars of marriage, and continues to tell me how I can stifle my urge to indulge in the biggest bowl of ice-cream just before I sleep. I tell her cravings are not like a light- bulb, which you switch on and off; that it takes a lot to stay on the straight and narrow path of ideal dieting. My friend, who is very passionate about the pregnant woman’s well-being, says, ‘Girlfriend, you don’t have a choice. You can work at eating only that which is good for the baby.’

Another friend, who, seeing the energy that is building up between Ms Know-it-all and I, makes an effort to change the topic. ‘How was your first pregnancy?’ She asks me, ‘Is this one any different?’ That sure does cool the temperatures and in order to keep it down there, I quickly tell her about how I had to keep myself from eating cake and yoghurt laced with extra spoons of sugar everyday; how at some instance I kept sending for packs and packs of bhajia because my tummy wanted nothing but grease and spice, whose perfect combination was only found in the bhajia.

I tell of how I would terrorise my husband, or just about anyone at my disposal, to get them for me pronto- otherwise, they would have a fit trying to calm me down. And nods of understanding and ayes flow from mamas of like faith. Not wanting to be left behind, my dear unrelenting Ms know-it-all proceeds to inject more unsolicited advice, which she heard from her sister. Eh, could this get any worse? But in an effort to let our long held cordiality reign,I make for the washroom. I think some time with myself may make me see that I am blowing my disapproval out of proportion.

My act is quickly picked by another expectant friend who meets me at the sink. To my relief she pours out her frustration about Ms know-it-all’s sentiments. She says she could barely stand the way our dear friend was trying to rub her point home. The snicker that follows our confessions is very relieving-at least knowing I do not have a personal problem. We head back to the sitting-room with a spirit of comradeship. ‘I feel ya!’ Power. ready to take up another manual. At least I know I have someone to throw a disapproving glance.

True to our expectation, we find her going on about how her sister really had a hard pregnancy with her feet swelling because she was not active; and that her docile sister’s body must have retained water due to her laziness. ‘She could have been more hard-working and kept that life- threatening condition away, but she must have allowed the pregnancy to make her lazy .. .’ she went on. As armed as I thought I was. her outrageous analysis nearly knocked me off the seat. I cannot help but wonder how hardworking Ms know- it-all will be when she gets pregnant.

Expecting a rejoinder in her favour, my washroom confidant calmly tells Ms know-it-all that pregnancies are different; and it’s not easy to dictate a code of conduct, to a body you are barely familiar with, for those nine months. Ms know-it-all looks at her and you can clearly tell she is wondering how wimpy a pregnant woman can be. ‘Sounds so helpless!’ Ms know-it-all interrupts. ‘Do you believe in mind-power?’ ‘Really? You think it’s that easy?’ Says my confidant, giving up. ‘Not really … but aren’t you supposed to be able to harness your feelings?’

And the talk goes on and on. I go to bed thinking that at times it’s easier to just listen to all the jabber and watch folk exposing their ignorance to all and sundry. A word for you from a loving six month pregnant sister (me): Even if they do not tell you, your pregnant friends would really appreciate if you listened more to their ‘heavy-with-child’ experiences, than you telling them how they ought to carry themselves.

END: PG 23 /11