Rejection in Pregnancy
Comment by Grace Ojiambo
Executive Director, Crisis Pregnancy Ministries, Nairobi.
JUNE’S story may be familiar to some of us. As you read it, you could probably identify with her. Many women who have a crisis pregnancy go through horrifying times during and after the pregnancy which they didn’t really have to go though. Most such women are rejected by their family, friends and sometimes even their colleagues.
Some people warn their children not to associate with a pregnant woman lest she teaches them bad behaviour, it is bad enough to have a crisis pregnancy, but to be rejected by family and society only makes it worse.
Some cases of rejection are not as outright as June’s, in such situations one can feel the undercurrents and know that although they have not been physically kicked out of the house, they are not wanted there. This is why many women opt to have an abortion when they discover they are pregnant. They prefer to kill the baby rather than become a social and spiritual outcast.
How a woman is treated when she has a crisis pregnancy affects her future stability—or lack of it. June’s rejection made her easy prey and susceptible to poor judgement and misfortune later in life. She was young and vulnerable. When Jonah showed her some kindness, she mistook it for love. She hadn’t received any kindness for a long time so this was like a breath of fresh air. She couldn’t suspect that Jonah just wanted to use her body, so she allowed herself to become pregnant again. This is a very common phenomenon. The easiest,thing for a woman who has had a baby is to get pregnant again. Men usually have a way with words that can make a woman believe she is loved – only to abandon her.
When you are a single mother, pregnant and alone, it is very easy to think of abortion as the only way out. Many women have gone into prostitution as the only way to survive. Many more like June have become pregnant and had multiple abortions. Sadly, many have died in the process.
Society should not ostracise women who get pregnant out of wedlock. These woman need to be shown love. Even though they have sinned by having sex outside of marriage, God still loves them and so must we. When a woman who was caught in adultery was brought to Jesus (I always wonder why the man was not bought along?) the law was that she should be stoned to death. Jesus then asked the one who had not sinned to cast the first stone. Nobody did and Jesus told the woman,’Go and sin no more.’ That should be our attitude too; to restore these women and help them not to sin anymore. We cannot do that by ostracising them.
At Crisis Pregnancy Ministries we have realised that when pregnant women are appreciated, they handle their pregnancy and the life after better than when they are rejected. We offer them as much emotional, spiritual and material help, as we are able. We also discuss various options available to them. In Kenya, there are several options when one is faced with a crisis pregnancy: parenting, placing for adoption and foster homes. Many women don’t know that adoption and foster homes are available in Kenya. Usually they opt for abortion without the knowledge of the physical, spiritual and emotional effects of the act.
Religious groups and all those that believe in the sanctity of life should join us in helping to restore these women It is unfortunate that some of the policies in the churches and organisations push girls to have abortions; that should not be. The question is, if we make things too easy for young girls who become pregnant will they not do it again? Will they realise their sin? Our experience is that when we make things too hard for them, they do it again and again, as evidenced in June’s case. Men should also be ‘man enough’ and take responsibility when they father a child. With scientific advances like DNA testing, the government is in the process of enacting laws which force men to take care of any children they sire. Together we can help the Junes of this country to go back to school, take care of their babies and live fairly normal and happy lives.
If you are pregnant and alone, call us and/or come and see us at Crisis Pregnancy Ministries in Nairobi or Nakuru on the contacts shown.
END: PG8/41