Are Pregnant Brides the New Fashion?
This is a legacy edition story. True stories of past pregnancies in yester days (or years), as published in Pregnant Magazine.
‘When I first broke the news about Angie’s pregnancy to my mum, she was disappointed that it happened after she had talked to me ‘about these things,’ says Timothy Gathima.
THEY walk down the aisle to say ‘I do’ just in time for the baby to be born. It is a nine-month race between matrimonial vows and the newborn. Love them or hate them, they are everywhere and seem to be on the increase. Are pregnant brides the new fad?
One church leader told Pregnant that a pregnant bride is one of the biggest ‘headaches’ a pastor faces today. Should he or should he not bless this union? Angela and Timothy Gathima decided to wed while she was pregnant earlier this year. ‘We are both old fashioned,’ they say, meaning they wanted their baby born within a family unit.
They narrate their experience to Sandra Mulluka.
‘Our church is not bad,’ says Angela. Timothy adds: ‘Our pastors are very open. We were frank about the fact that she was pregnant and that we had decided to get married.’
According to Angela, the pastor appreciated being in the know. The pregnancy was two or three months and was not showing at that time. ‘He was happy that we came forward. The Church policy is that they would rather marry a couple than have the couple move away from church.’
Timothy explains about the pastor, ‘He said he was in no position to judge us. It was good that we had decided to come forward and not run away and hide the fact that as Christians we erred. Anyone can blunder; it is a mistake like any other.’
‘We had over the past two years talked about our plans to wed and had decided that if anything happened, such as getting pregnant, we would not wait,’ says Timothy Gathima, nick-named ‘Timo.’
His wife, Angela reveals, ‘We had decided to get married way before we knew I was pregnant and the wedding was not as a result of the pregnancy. We are both old fashioned—I really wanted the baby to be born in a family set-up. Think about all the problems that might arise if I were to give birth outside marriage. You’d have to tell the baby why her father cannot see her as much. We considered all those small things. Also, I’ve been brought up knowing that the family unit is the strongest.’ She smiles lovingly at their sweet little girl, Iris Nyokabi Gathima, and concludes, ‘It’s good for her and us that we got married at that time. The marriage was not as a result of pregnancy; the baby simply made us wed faster.’
‘Telling our parents was scary,’ narrates Angela. ‘It was hard telling them but they were very supportive from the very beginning. We decided that before revealing the pregnancy we would first tell them that we wanted to get married. Despite this strategy. Mum was so disappointed when she learnt that I was pregnant, especially because I was still in college. She told me, ‘You should have waited…’ She was open and asked, ‘What are you going to do about this?’ However I did not feel like there was a fight. They were behind us fully. My friends were excited too, although I did not tell many people in college. I was just about to finish my second year.’
Timothy recalls, ‘We first told our parents before talking to our pastor. We agreed to start with Angie’s mum then my mum. The day we went to see Angie’s mother was the longest fifteen minutes of my life. We had postponed the visit severally. We kept on saying that we would do it the next week. Or we would do it tomorrow. Come tomorrow we would change our minds!
So on this particular occasion we decided to see a gynaecologist first to confirm that all was fine; that the pregnancy was still there. We did not want to go say she was pregnant and come to realize the next day it wasn’t a pregnancy but a cyst or something like that. Once sure, we went and sat down with her mother. Angela got the tongue lashing. Her mum knew and trusted me and I had a very good relationship with her. She was disappointed because she had placed a lot of trust on us but we had betrayed it. Later on she became supportive.’
Did they tell Angie’s dad? ‘When it came to Angie’s dad,’ says Timothy, ‘we hoped her mum would handle the matter. She at first did not reveal to him that Angela was pregnant. She only told him that Angela wanted to get married, so daddy was like, ‘What do you mean she wants to get married? She hasn’t finished college!’ From then on he became suspicious and went on to draw a quick conclusion that there was a child involved! He was a bit withdrawn for a while until Angela started complaining, but after a week he came to terms with the entire situation and supported us too.’
Next was Timothy’s turn to face his parents. ‘When I first broke the news about Angie’s pregnancy to my mum, she was disappointed that it happened after she had talked to me ‘about these things.’ She however said she would support us, which she did. She told me to talk to my father about it. When I told my father that Angela was pregnant and we had decided to marry, he told me to talk to my uncles (his brothers). He wanted them to help me decide whether I was ready to marry. As far as he was concerned marriage was a big step to take. I sat down with my uncles one at a time and they advised me on what I should do. They recommended that I see Angela’s parents to tell them what I had decided. It was the hardest bit—to tell our families about the pregnancy and get them involved in the whole matter. At one point I felt tempted to put everything to a stop!’
The wedding preparations that followed left Angela exhausted. ‘College closed in April just in time for my wedding in May. I had little time to undertake all the arrangements which were well coordinated by my sister, Phoebe, and my sister-in-law, Stella. As we were planning the wedding, some people had objected to the budget and wondered why we wanted to spend so much money on a wedding yet we had a child on the way.
In the run-up to the wedding day, I went to fit the gown almost daily, as by then my belly was growing rapidly. I did not choose the traditional pure white dress for obvious reasons, though I still wanted to be the bride in a gown. My hair was made up that same week. I used braids as this would be simple and convenient to take care of during both our honeymoon and delivery of our baby, due in July.’
Angela talks about their wedding day with nostalgia. ‘On my wedding day, I woke up at 6.30 a.m. and sat down to have a ‘proper’ breakfast. After all, it was my last meal at home as a single girl! Moreover, during my pregnancy, I would get severe hunger pangs and I didn’t want to risk that on my wedding day. Other people were busier and more panicky than I. As I watched the maids do their hair and make-up I felt so calm. I had barely finished dressing when I heard cars hooting, signalling the arrival of the groom’s family to pick me.’
Amid this expectant air, however, Angela’s morning suddenly turned low key. ‘As if on cue, I suddenly burst out in tears. It actually hadn’t quite hit me that it was my wedding day—until now! I cried and cried, until I could cry no more. It occurred to me that I had not talked to my parents one last time, since I had been away in college. Being the last born in my family, I was particularly close to my parents and I felt like I was being ‘plucked’ away from them. I was sad that I had not had a chance to say a proper goodbye. I suddenly felt unprepared for the separation. I was going to miss home!
Luckily the day turned out to be full of fun for the couple. ‘I would describe it as the best day of my life. It was simply awesome. It was rainy that month but that day it shone like there was no tomorrow. It was everything I wanted it to be. Timothy says it was a very interesting wedding, as the people we invited had fun.’
With laughter, she continues, ‘Of course our wedding day had its own drama—the food ran out! We had planned for 700 people and over 1000 turned up! Our friends made the whole event very funny and casual. They kept telling us that it’s not that we were getting married; it’s only that we were going to start living together. Timo and I had been very close and I guess we behaved as though we were already married.
The church ceremony was quick and thank God too because I was extremely hungry! By then I was feeling so tired I wished I could take a nap. We ate some snacks at the photo session, which I thought was the most brilliant idea of the day. It was such forethought because when we got to the reception, the food was so cold we could not eat it!
Then the reception dragged on for so long and ended at around 6.00 p.m. I could have fainted if I had not eaten during the photo session! Luckily, chairs were brought for us during the gift presentation. I was too happy to even notice anyone giving me the ‘holier-than-thou’ look or judging eyes because of my pregnancy. I actually didn’t care because I had my day, just as I had planned it.
After the wedding I wore my wedding and engagement rings for only two weeks. As I added more weight they became so tight I had to stay without them until after delivering when I got back to my normal size.’
END: PG 04/4-5