Mum, Sorry -I’m Pregnant!

HOW DO YOU TELL YOUR PARENTS YOU ARE PREGNANT OUT OF WEDLOCK?

When Margaret Njoki discovered she was pregnant, she knew exactly what to do. Get an abortion. What she did not know was how to face her mother if she decided to keep the baby.

How did you find out that you were pregnant?
My period delayed and I just suspected it. I bought a pregnancy kit and did a self-test which turned out positive.

What was your first reaction?
I didn’t sleep that whole night. I lay in bed agonising over my future. What will my boyfriend say? What was going to happen? How will I inform my parents? I saw a big change coming in my life. I said to myself, ‘Margaret, get rid of this as soon as possible!’

So you thought of abortion?
Yes. I toyed with the idea but I later changed my mind. I was brought up in a Christian family so I know life comes from God and if God wanted this life to be, who am I to say that’s not supposed to be? With time I decided to keep the baby.

When did you tell your boyfriend?
I told him that same night. I sent him a text message. He was in shock. I did not give him any peace as I called him through the long night asking him, ‘What are we going to do?’ He came over the following day. We talked about it and he assured me this was not the end of life. Life has to go on. My next big challenge was telling my parents.

So how did you go about it?
I didn’t want to text my mum because I knew the news would be too shocking. So I would call her or go home every now and then thinking, ‘This time I have to tell her’. I would look at her and say to myself, ‘No. I don’t want to do this; I don’t want to see her reaction!’

I called her very often and sweet-talked her until she started getting suspicious of the ‘new-found’ attention I was giving her. She asked, ‘What’s up?’ And I would go dead silent. At one time my dad sent me a text message asking, ‘Are you fine?’ I told him, yes, I am okay. They would ask me to pay them a visit over the weekend.

On this day I called my mum over lunch hour. I had decided today is the day! She told me she was at work. We talked a lot on telephone but I still could not bring myself to tell her. I just could not say it!

Then I decided to call my aunt. I wanted to tell her so that she in turn would tell mum. But I did not; on second thoughts I reasoned that mum would not be amused by my lack of courtesy so I told my aunt I was calling to say hi!

Finally, I took my phone and wrote a message. I said, ‘Mum, I am sorry but I am three months pregnant.’ I explained to her everything and told her I hoped she would understand. I flinched, sent the message and switched off my phone! I didn’t want to hear her reaction. I did not want her to call me with all sorts of questions because I did not have answers. Mum turned out to be very understanding. When I switched on my phone she called me and told me that she was very hurt but she still loved me. She asked me to go home over the weekend. She gave me a verse to read from the Bible, which really encouraged me.

I went home over the weekend and we talked at length. Of course the big question was, ‘Who is the father?’ I told her that I wasn’t ready to say and she told me, ‘You see, you’ve got to tell me because as long as you live this guy will be part of your life. He is the father of your baby.’

I told her, ‘I am just not ready to say.’ She was concerned and even asked whether I was raped. We prayed together and she told me not to worry or hesitate to ask any question. She said that I was always welcome at home.

I did not tell my Dad, but Mum did that. When he spoke to me about it, he also encouraged me. He called me and said, ‘Your mum told me what happened. You should understand that this is not the end of the world, it’s only the beginning. Just go on with your life.’

That day I cried way into the night. I thought, ‘My God, I thought I would be chased away from home. I was so relieved and happy!’

END: PG MAY 07/4-5