Men Speak Frankly
About their pregnant wives!
It is 7.30.am on a Monday morning and Fiona cannot seem to find any outfit that looks good on her, let alone one that fits well. And she turns to her exasperated husband , who has been standing there for almost 30 minutes watching her change from one outfit to another and asks, ‘How do I look?’
Any guy who has been in the game knows that this is a tricky question. Whichever answer you give, will land you in problems. So, how do some men view their pregnant partners or spouses?
Oliver Munala
Oliver Munala, 31 years and married to Sandra, 27, is a Nairobi-based businessman. They have one child and are expecting a second one.
My wife has a new glow and is looking more beautiful in her ninth month of pregnancy. However, I have some issues as a man. I know she has been very understanding at times and forgiven some of the silly things I have done. I am nevertheless concerned. She does not seem to understand or take seriously some of the things I say. For instance, we have a househelp now ironing my clothes. That is not a good thing at all because the girl might destroy my shirts!
I know my wife is tired — I can see that, but the fact is she does not do any housework as the househelp does all the chores. So why can’t my wife cook at the very least? I miss her food!
Not that I do not help her. Sometimes I cook her favourite dishes. What I can’t understand is why, after all the effort, she will just stare at the food and not eat it. She dislikes vegetables and loves meat, yet after I prepare a delicious dish for her she will simply say ‘I have lost my appetite’. Not to forget that while I prepare the meal she locks herself in the bedroom because she cannot stand the smell of cooking food. We have however talked at length about the cooking issue and I think I now understand better why she cannot do it.
Frankly, when my wife is pregnant I get to do things I do not like at all. But I get the feeling I need to comply and be cooperative because it is our baby. There is a day she forced me to accompany her to visit a friend of hers. When we arrived I was amazed to find it was a girl thing, there was not a single man in the house other than myself! I sat there for about four hours amongst ladies and got to know quite a bit about baby woes, makeup, name it! I was not impressed…
Worst is when she takes a whole 40 minutes walking from the University of Nairobi to Kimathi Street. I sit in a restaurant waiting for her and every time I call her cell phone, she gives me a simple answer; ‘I told you I am on the way!’
Pregnancy is, to speak the truth, a day and a step at a time.
There are times she gets quite moody and I have to keep off. She will complain about virtually everything, starting with me, then her boss and her job. A close review of her grievances quickly tells me the problem is not the boss or the job. She is simply pregnant!
During such moments. I feel like I want to take a walk but there is another issue; she wants me to sit right there and be with her! I have just started my private business and for a man who has resigned from a stable job to do business, every minute counts. She calls me and demands I get home early, while life is hectic at the office. The interesting thing is when I explain why I am not getting home soon, her answer is the same; ‘I am waiting, just delegate the work.’ A few minutes later she calls and tells me, ‘I am still waiting.’ There is only one way to stop it — go home!
Once home I have to think about intimacy. She is more demanding than usual but the interesting thing is that even with all the education we have, we get worried about harming the baby. We know the baby is well protected by membranes in the uterus and cannot be harmed by sex, but we still exercise caution.
An interesting thing is that whenever we meet friends and family they observe. ‘She is pregnant…’ How about me? I am actually more pregnant than she is. I take all the brunt and worry. During her first pregnancy for example, we were working for the same employer. She would pack up ready to go home but I was so worried about her going off late alone, that I would ask her to wait for me. She would not understand why I was keeping her in the office yet I could see that she was tired. It was simply because her pregnancy was quite advanced and I was worried she might get complications or deliver unexpectedly at home. I did not want her to be in a difficult position in my absence.
On the other hand if I allowed her to go home earlier. I would get home late and hungry, only to find she had not cooked! ‘There is some bread,’ she would say… ‘and some tea.’ One time I asked her a simple question: ‘Mama mboga is just outside your door. Surely can you not buy some vegetables and get a meal made?’ On such days we would sleep without talking to one another.
Recently, I found out that she does not like me going out. I overheard her tell a friend. ‘Ati chali wako anaenda out kula hepi na wewe uko na ball umekaa nyumbani. Imagine!’
There are things I think pregnant women need to take care of for the sake of their men. I keep coming back to food, but a man needs to eat. She does not have to cook always and the man can cook or bring home take-away meals but the wife should not neglect this important issue.
Lastly. I do not understand why a woman buys a new outfit in her ninth month of pregnancy. Why spend thousands of shillings on a dress you will not use after just three weeks?
Pregnant spoke to several men to find out their feelings about their pregnant wives. A common list of issues seemed to emerge which suggests there are things men cannot figure out about their pregnant partners, but should.
Now she laughs, now she doesn’t
A pregnant woman’s mood is like a seesaw. It moves this way and that way, and depending on her personality the seesaw can be long and patient or fast and furious. This is a natural phenomenon that comes with pregnancy.
No food in the house
Whoever said a man’s heart is in his stomach was not joking. If there is one thing that can start a fight between a man and his partner, it is food. If there is no meal on the table a man is far from impressed. Pregnant women are sometimes unable to make meals because certain smells nauseate them. Some pregnant women throw up just at the sight of certain foods, let alone the smell.
There are people and places she liked… what happened?
Some pregnant women develop an instant dislike for certain people, even close friends. They also do not want to go near some places they loved to visit before pregnancy. It is hard for a man to understand why one should hold a grudge against a person who has done nothing wrong, but that is just the way it is. She does not like your best friend anymore and she has absolutely no apology or reason to offer. This goes with time, and friendships are easily re-established after delivery or even as pregnancy progresses.
How do I look? — Oh my God, I am so big!
She will fret about her weight, new flabby areas along her tummy and hips, and ask for your opinion a hundred times — ‘How do I look?’ A man cannot understand why all the fuss. Just get into some clothes and let us go, he thinks. Meanwhile the pregnant spouse is stuck at the dressing mirror. She cannot believe what she is seeing. ‘I was a size eight the other day. Oh my God, I am so big!’ She can think about this for half an hour. If a man wants this to be extended to an hour, all he needs to say is, ‘you are getting fat.’
Can we walk just a little bit faster?
The man with his wide strides is getting a bit agitated by his wife’s slow pace. ‘I am sure she can walk faster if she wanted to,’ he thinks to himself. Just what makes pregnant women lethargic? Simple. The baby!
Dirty laundry
Unless you have invested in a washing machine or have a househelp, be sure to spare some time for your laundry when your wife gets pregnant. There is no magic about this issue, as some men have professed. You go to the wardrobe and there are no shirts. You go to the bathroom and there are basins full of wet clothes. You look keenly and what do you see? Shirts, of course! You want to scream at her but she is in the toilet, vomiting. It’s pregnancy time. It took two to tango…..it still does.
Need to get some shopping done
If there is one thing which a pregnant woman needs her man’s understanding, it is shopping. Women are impulse buyers. Men are impulse sellers. The pregnant woman wants her man to accompany her to the stores and help her buy stuff for the new baby, and herself. Mind you ‘help’ means paying for all the items she chooses and agreeing with her choice. It is no use going shopping with her if your wallet is zipped and you do not see why she wants to buy so many clothes. Agree before you leave the house. It is better to fight at home than fight at the stores under public gaze.
Do not miss Part II of ‘What Men Think About Their Pregnant Women!’ in the next issue of Pregnant.
END: PG 03/24-26