Men in labour

Can daddy take the heat in the delivery room?
some are enthusiastic partners, others nervous and sweating, reluctant watchers. Is fathers presence in the delivery room a good idea?

To be or not to be in the delivery room is almost becoming a disrespectful question for many fathers. Every ‘liberalized’ man wants to ensure his presence during his baby’s birth.

The practice is taking shape the world over and the only time when the father would not be present in the delivery room is if he is late for the delivery or maybe he has traveled; otherwise there is no question about it — he has to be present.

African countries, Kenya included, have not been left behind despite their conservative cultures. The last couple of years have seen many husbands accompanying their partners to give birth, something that medical practitioners are attributing to the Lamaze classes that empower men to be part of the pregnancy journey.

For some women, allowing their spouses to be in the delivery room serves to give him an unalienable right over the birthing experience.

It also gives the husband a chance to ensure that his wife’s preferences are followed as well as ensuring that her needs are being met accordingly during delivery. He could also come in handy in making critical decisions in case of an emergency.

According to Josephine Keya, nurse and midwife at Kenyatta National Hospital, this also enables the man to provide comfort and support for the mother-to-be.

Fredrick Omondi, a father of two, concurs, saying he has been in the delivery room both times. He has a compelling reason why he would go back into the room a third time.

‘If my presence would serve to ease the nervousness, fear and pain of my partner, then, by all means, she should have me and my support while in the room,’ he says. ‘Childbirth is a painful experience and seeing a person you love going through that pain, the best gift to give to her is being there to support her through the pain.’

Omondi says it is actually one of the man’s responsibilities to be present. If he was there during conception, it is therefore common sense and a selfless act to also be there during the journey all the way to giving birth, stretching beyond that to taking care of the family. This, he says, is a momentous milestone in a parent’s life that needs to be experienced, first-hand.

However, gynaecologist David Chewe of Umoja Hospitals, says this greatly depends on an individual’s personality. ‘Some people have a phobia for blood and seeing that much blood may affect them in many ways. It is therefore advisable that the man seeks counsel beforehand to enable him decide how far he can go while in the delivery room or, better still, keep away completely,’ he says.

For many fathers, witnessing their child’s birth is a life-changing event, either positively or negatively. It can be incredibly moving and even religious but others view it as simply an awkward, uncomfortable and gross experience. ‘Some fathers even faint, get sexually dysfunctional and have difficulty bonding with the child as a result of witnessing the birth,’ says Dr. Chewe.

There is no doubt that opening up the delivery room to men has been a mixed blessing. For every man wanting to be there and urging the wife to breathe and push, there are ten others feeling far more unsure about their roles in the labour room.

‘I would rather be in the waiting room or even at the bar sipping a drink until that phone call comes,’ says Otieno Joram, a businessman in Nairobi. ‘I think there are some issues about women that should just be kept under wraps, as much as I care. There are some things that a man should simply not see because they kill intimacy between him and the wife,’ he mutters.

He says after his daughter was born, they grew apart and developed less interest in sex because of the birth experience which he says took the mystery away. This, coupled with lactation, made him recoil every time they tried to get intimate. But, gladly, this changed over the years and they are back to normal.

Men’s mixed feelings about the delivery room experience may come in part from the modern pressure to be involved. ‘Let’s not put pressure on men to be on our bedside in the labour ward,’ warns Jackline Wakoli, a secretary in the Judiciary and a mother of three.

For, as much as she is glad her husband was there when her first child was being born, by her second delivery, she had learnt that it would be kinder to keep him out of the room for most of the process. ‘We couldn’t have sex for nine months after the birth, to the point where we sought counseling. My husband got traumatized by what he witnessed,’ she says.

Studies into birth trauma suffered by men are still In their Infancy, but they suggest the problem is far more serious than previously acknowledged. The man gets disinterested in sex. He may not view his wife as sexy anymore, considering that she has been bulging during the pregnancy and now this; some may also think they are hurting the woman.

For that reason and many more that may emerge, if he must be in the room, says Keya, it is advisable that he doesn’t look “down there”. He can stay by the wife’s head and turn his back to all the action yet still provide the much needed comfort and encouragement.

The man’s presence has also been said to compromise the safety of the mother and child. He may get in the way of the doctor and nurses; such that in addition to the hospital worrying about mother and child, they will also be worrying about him. Take, for instance, if he faints.

For men who are nervous about the experience, but still want to be there, the best option may be to be involved throughout the pregnancy. Childbirth involves both partners, but for the man to be there during delivery is ultimately a personal decision.

END:PG46/30-32