Long distance love is tough…
I met him online,’ says Irene MacKenzie
TO be in a long distance relationship is tough. You have to love each other and have a lot of trust otherwise the relationship will not work.
I met my boyfriend Tor-Elvin online in 2004 and we have been dating on a long distance basis.
Now that I am pregnant, it is even tougher because I have to understand and have accepted that he is not going to leave his job to’ come and stay with me. We are not yet married. The pregnancy has made me a little bit demanding, and sometimes I would think he does not care-which he says is not true. There are times I get home and I start thinking, then I end up crying without a specific reason.
This pregnancy was unplanned. It is one those things that happen unexpectedly. When I got pregnant, my boyfriend was a little bit surprised too. He even asked me what I was going to do about it and I found that annoying. He should have asked what we were going to do about it.
I got pregnant when he came to Kenya to visit me in December. He travelled back to his country on 1st January.
I found out I was pregnant at. around 18th January and did not know how to tell him about it. I had to prepare myself for his reaction. We had jokingly talked about children but we had never decided to have any.
When I found out I had conceived I was excited, but two to three days later I pondered and asked myself if that was what I really wanted. My boyfriend’s reaction was negative; we did not talk for a couple of days. I thought about abortion.
Seven months down the line, it appears like he is going along with the idea although he has not completely accepted it. My first three months were the worst. I would wake up in the morning, take breakfast and by the time I got into a matatu to go to work; I would get nauseated and start throwing up. I had to carry a paper bag throughout because I could not tell when the vomiting would start. Sometimes I would be in a bus and it would be embarrassing. The three months were hectic but in- between everything got fine. However, the last three months now seem to be a repeat of the first three. I have started throwing up again.
I only crave milk and I take a lot of it. I do not take sugar or any sugary fruit or snack. I have become very irritable, for example, in the office if I find someone using my computer, I get very annoyed, and lash out at them. Sometimes when I see something that is likely to annoy me, I try to avoid it. I do not have a specific sex preference for my baby. I have therefore not gone for an ultrasound scan to check the sex of the baby and I do not intend to go. I feel as though I have put on a lot of weight because I used to be a size 12 and now I am size 16.
I have been searching online for names: I would like an Indian name for the first name simply because I admire Indian names. I am avoiding names like Grace, Irene, Charity and all that. If it is a girl, I will give her my mum’s second name. If it is a boy, the second name will be from his paternal family.
My father does not even know that I am pregnant, but I told my mum and she was happy for me. I however think my father suspects it. Sometimes when he calls me I look for an excuse of not meeting him. I do not know how he is going to take it. I am debating whether I should first give birth and then I send him a photo or go to visit him with the baby because he does not live in Nairobi.
I am hoping that my mum will mention it to him. We are only two siblings in our family, my brother and I. My brother has been very supportive; he calls me from time to time because I live on my own.
END: PG 9 / 22-23