I need a baby now feeling – It’s not exclusive to women

When women in their 30’s get gooey-eyed over someone else’s baby, stare at a baby and can hardly contain their desire to hold the baby, most people – men especially – accuse them of getting broody and too conscious of their maternal urges. But I have news for you today that men can feel just as women do when it comes to wanting a baby.

A new study in the psychological journal ‘Emotions’ states that both sexes usually have an instinctive internal reaction, a sudden and almost irresistible yearn to make a baby. And you will know It when you fee! it.

The presence of babies and the desire to have them can be a powerful emotional response depending on the nature of your reaction, known in jest as baby fever. And it could just be the perfect time to start trying for one!

‘Baby fever is this idea that at some point in their lives, people get this sudden change in their desire to have children. It happens more frequently and strongly in women, but it is there for both men and women,’ says Gary Brase, associate professor of psychology in Kansas State University, who along with his wife spent nearly 10 years studying the phenomenon.

After interviewing about 1,200 people for their study, the researchers concluded that the classic theory of broodiness – of women wanting children because of internal biology and social pressures – was not entirely true because it was also present in men. Also, age and gender do not play a significant part in how much one longs for a baby.

In his study Prof Brase says that ‘visual sensory things’  is one of the key factors involved in broodiness -seeing a baby, hearing a baby, smelling a baby – that has led both men and women to want to have one of their own.’

The desire to have a baby is said to be much higher in women than in men. But this changes drastically after a first child and hence the desire in women declines while that of men increases.

An outcome that does not surprise Dr. Samuel Karanja, a gynecologist in private practice at Hurlingham, Nairobi. He says most men experience this ‘physical and emotional roller coaster’, the overwhelming desire to be a parent.  ‘Baby fever is a reality, if you ask me. It’s only that we refer to it as a dwindling biological clock and in most cases, men tend to ignore it’

Dr. Karanja says that even though both sexes can develop it, its intensity varies from person to person and within the same time over a period of time. He advises couples to begin trying for a baby when baby fever sets in.  The  feeling may never go away unless it is gratified, he says.  It also shows if you are psychologically ready to embrace the mental, psychological and emotional responsibilities that come with having a baby.

Douglas Okoth, 37, a writer and editor from Kisumu, totally relates to this. He has no doubt baby fever exists. In fact, he knows exactly when he caught it. ‘It’s now three years since I developed a desire to have my own baby – the “need a baby now” feeling. I sometimes have to force myself to not stare at other people’s children at the shopping mall. When I hold someone’s baby close to me, I feel so at peace,’ he says.

Theories behind baby fever

According to the research, some theoretical explanations and hypotheses why baby fever exists include the following:
• social-cultural view whereby women are cultured to crave babies because that is their role as women;
• the by-product view that states that people want to have children to fulfill an urge to nurture and lastly;
• the adaptations view which centers on the idea of timing. That baby fever is an emotional signal. It subconsciously hints to the brain that it might be a good time to have a baby. These theories were later found to be incorrect.

The reality behind baby fever

• Positive exposure – merely seeing babies, being around babies who smile and smell nice, holding and cuddling them. This could trigger feelings of wanting to have a baby and increases the effect or the desire to have babies.

• Negative exposure – sounds associated with babies lead to a decrease in your desire to have a baby.  Crying babies, gurgling, tantrums, dirty diapers and stinky infants may also make you shy away from the idea of parenthood; actually think twice about it.

• Rational thinking – here, people usually measure the trade-offs of having a baby and the disadvantages. These considerations include now having a baby will affect your careers, social life and financial obligations.

With all this in mind, be sure that your desire to have a baby is good for both of you. Good luck!

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