From Boyfriend to Husband

When Bonface impregnated his youthful girlfriend, Elizabeth, both were still in college and only twenty years old. His parents were obviously not amused that he had ‘strayed’ and was now faced with parental responsibilities. Torn between the girl of his dreams and the parents he loved and respected, Bonface struggled with his transition from a boyfriend to a husband by shuttling between his parents’ home and the house he had rented for his girlfriend … until the day she could take it no more!

Breaking the news to his parents that he had a girlfriend, Elizabeth, and that she was pregnant was what Bonface refers to as real drama. ‘It caused a storm in my family which went on for many years.’ he narrates with a big smile. ‘When Elizabeth got pregnant she became very rude. She got very hot tempered.’ Bonface could not understand what  was happening to his sweetheart. Instead of things getting better, they got into a severe argument which would see him thrown into the cold. ‘She told me, ‘I don’t want to see you again. I don’t care about you! And that was it. She wanted nothing to do with me! She disappeared to her mother’s house and I was not able to see her or visit her until she showed up again during her last month of pregnancy!’

Elizabeth says that contrary to her actions, she loved Bonface dearly. ‘During this time he was still at Kenya Poly, she says. ‘I knew the restaurant where he regularly went for his lunch. I would sneak behind his back and watch him. I  would say to myself, ‘He can afford to go for lunch alone!’ I would be annoyed with him even more!’ Oblivious that he was being monitored, Bonface continued with his studies a lonely man, until one day when Elizabeth appeared with a cunning smile at the gate of the church he worshipped.

‘My mum had realized I was pregnant: explains Elizabeth. ‘She called me one day and engaged me in petty talk, before asking me why a t-shirt and a tight skirt had become my day to day attire. I told her it was the fashion of the day, but she replied, ‘Whether you like it or not, you have to go tell the father. . .’ I revealed to her that we were not in good terms, and told her I had broken the relationship. She advised me, ‘Go back to him and apologize … I will pray for you.’

‘That is when I went to his church on a Sunday and waited for him at the gate. When he saw me and approached me, I tried to put on a smile, but he did not seem to know how to react. I asked him, ‘Can I take you to lunch?’ He agreed.’ Elizabeth let the cat out of the bag. ‘She told me to go tell my parents that she was bringing her father to our house! It was on Sunday and they would come on Monday!’

‘When I arrived home I did not tell my father, who would have probably taken the news in a better fashion. I decided to tell my mother. I was helping her with shopping when I revealed it. Suddenly, everything seemed to stop. She said calmly that I had gotten myself into a mess and only I could get myself out of it. She later told my Dad about it.’ The next day Elizabeth kept her word. Says Bonface, ‘She arrived, accompanied by her Dad and another Mzee!’ Elizabeth is quick to clarify why this happened. ‘My dad is the traditional type. You get pregnant and he has to go meet the parents of your baby’s father.’ Bonface’s Dad was not at home when the visitors arrived. He was on duty at his place of work, not far from their home. Bonface went to get him and he too brought a Mzee with him.

‘They engaged in discussions,’ recalls Bonface. ‘After a while I could see my Dad getting worked up. Some money was to be paid as a commitment; that is the cultural requirement. He was unhappy but he paid it the same day.’ Bonface and his Mum were at loggerheads. He says, ‘We were not talking at all! I finished college and started working and we still were not really in the best of terms.’

While still in college, after Elizabeth delivered, Bonface rented a single room and they moved in, but he could not tell his parents about it. They started living as husband and wife, but in the strangest terms. ‘I would spend time with her at ‘our house’, then go ‘home.’ Mum was used to me opening the gate at odd hours. I would stay with Elizabeth and the baby up to about eleven at night, then leave for my parents’ house. I was very unpredictable.’

Then he finished college and felt he needed to move from ‘home.’ Bonface narrates how this happened. ‘I did not tell my mum I was moving. I would go home, pick two shirts-strictly two-and put them in a paper bag, then leave to see Elizabeth.’ He would either go back home or spend the night and go the next day, say hi to everyone and repeat the act. ‘Eventually,’ he laughs, ‘I took my entire wardrobe away!’

Elizabeth joins him in laughter, saying, ‘That’s what girls do! I always complained about how he was operating.’

Elizabeth had to drop out of college to take care of the baby. ‘I would go looking for casual jobs to keep us going,’ she says pensively. ‘I did not want to interfere with Bonface’s studies or his concentration.’ However, she felt deeply in love with him. After I delivered, I did not want to lose sight of him! During the first two months, every time he left I would cry. I would beg him, ‘Please don’t go!’ Luckily, after he finished college, he got a good job. It was time to make a move.’

Bonface and Elizabeth looked for a larger house. It was two bed-roomed, ideal for their size of family. However, Bonface had a big surprise for Elizabeth. ‘You cannot imagine what happened,’ she relates in disbelief. ‘On the same day we moved in he told me, ‘I can’t sleep here .. .’

‘She was so mad!’ Bonface says with laughter. She asked me, ‘Then why did you bring us here? Why were we moving to a bigger house?’ ‘I could not take it anymore,’ Elizabeth declares. ‘From that day I could not buy it!’ She told him her mind and the results were dramatic and pleasant. ‘Eventually I stayed!’ says Bonface.

With that, his marriage came to be, and his daily shuttling to and from ‘home’ stopped. But Elizabeth now had the task of bonding with Bonface’s family. ‘I joined the church choir where Bonface was already a member. He sang in tenor. His mother was in the same church and there was some unease between us. I wanted to sing in alto, but she was already in the choir too, singing in alto. So I decided to move to soprano. Bonface and I trusted in God that everything would be okay.’

‘My mum realized that I had made up my mind.’ says Bonface. Elizabeth agrees with him, adding that, ‘With time we got into good books with my mum-in-law, She showered our baby with presents.’

Recently, Elizabeth delivered their second child, seven years after their first one. I was using Norplant since our first child was born. I gained a lot of weight and my mum would ask me, ‘What are you doing to yourself?’ Of course I could not tell her the whole story. Less than a month after I removed it I conceived. I was so eager that after two weeks of its removal I went for a pregnancy test. I was told, ‘No, you are not pregnant.’ I went back again after the third week, and this time I was pregnant. I was so happy!’

Bonface is optimistic. ‘Look at it this way-when our first born is joining high school, this one will be in lower primary.’ He believes that spacing children is healthy. ‘We have a friend who got a baby boy and before the child learnt how to speak, he got another baby, a girl. All of a sudden the boy started looking lonely, playing alone, and has even stopped attempting to speak. He looks like he feels rejected.’

Unlike with the first pregnancy when Bonface did not have much opportunity to relate to his pregnant girlfriend, he was amused by Elizabeth’s cravings. ‘I woke up in the middle of the night to find her seated on the bed eating sweet potatoes and milk. I asked her, ‘What are you doing?’ She said, ‘I am having a snack!’ She also ate whole tilapia fish, her favorite, as well as white rice with lemon!’ Elizabeth also developed an addiction for chewing gum. ‘I do not like people who chew: she says, ‘but I found myself chewing lots of gum of mint flavour. My doctor suggested that it may be because I disliked sugary foodstuff like biscuits and my body was craving for sugar.’

Another change in Elizabeth was her dislike for hair salons. ‘I did not want to go to the salon because of the smell of chemicals. My mum would ask me, ‘Don’t you have money? Your hair is looking so bad!’ For the first few months I also did not want any make up. I was also obsessed with germ control. If I did not bathe with disinfected water, specifically using Dettol, I felt unclean.’

What are their future plans?
Bonface: ‘I’ve always told her if we can afford we should have more children, even four.’
Elizabeth: ‘I don’t think so.’
Bonface: ‘ … She wants to advance her career.’
On that, they seem to agree with big smiles.

END: PG  9 /4-7