This is a legacy edition story. True stories of past pregnancies in yester days (or years), as published in Pregnant Magazine.

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5 years with no baby

VICKY’S DESPERATE SEARCH

Having lived together since 2001, Steve and Vicky Ogali had tried enough to have a baby. They had expected their first born to come easily, but this was not to be. Vicky narrates her just-ended wait for a baby that almost broke their marriage.

STEVE and I have lived together since 2001. We formalised our marriage in 2004 in a beautiful and colourful wedding.

I had expected that getting pregnant would be an automatic matter. I was not on any contraceptives and therefore I knew a baby was on the way ‘anytime now’. There were times I would wake up ‘feeling’ pregnant and even ‘behave’ pregnant. Then my periods would come and I would cry and ask God, ‘Why me?’ This went on for years!

I would break down and cry

Whenever I saw a pregnant woman in the streets, I would really envy her and even wonder what she did to get pregnant that I was not doing. After that an intense feeling of sadness would wash over me and I would break down and cry. Not getting pregnant was quite depressing. I tried day and night to conceive but somehow something was not working. My years of a childless marriage were the worst years of my life.

Rumours started circulating

Thoughts of getting pregnant filled my days and nights;I desperately wanted a baby. I don’t know if it’s an age thing. Since I was turning 28 and wondered if my first baby would come when I’m in my 30s.

Rumours started circulating that I had a ‘problem’ and that I was barren. Some of my colleagues would talk behind my back and make distasteful jokes about pregnancy, but I kept on believing that God’s timing was the best.

The funniest thing was that all this time I had never gone to a gynaecologist or any specialist to ascertain whether I was actually barren as rumoured. My husband was not for that idea; he kept encouraging me that everything was okay and that I should not worry. Steve is what I call a good friend because he didn’t put pressure on me and believed in me even when I was losing hope. If he had pushed me the way I pushed myself, I don’t think we would be where we are now.

Do they think they are the ones to ring a bell for me?

When Steve and I attended get-togethers for couples our friends would joke that this time we must come out of the retreat with a walking baby. They knew we wanted a baby though I had never sat down with any of them to talk about my worries; I know how well-intentioned talks would end up spinning all kinds of rumours.

I remember a time when I had gone to visit mum and her friends were present. In their ‘well-meaning’ jokes they would ask my mum when a grandchild was forthcoming so that they come and ‘carry’ the baby. I thought to myself, ‘Do they think they are the ones to ring a bell for me?’ I vowed to myself not to tell them that I had been trying to conceive. Also, I didn’t want anyone to make me anxious or doubtful about myself. But I thank God my husband was very understanding and supportive; it made me worry less about what other people said about us.

It was a frustrating experience

Getting pregnant and pregnancy almost became an obsession. It was a frustrating experience. I used to walk around looking out for a pregnant woman, then I would follow her movements with my eyes and wonder how I would look if I became pregnant. When pregnant women came to my place of work, I went out of my way to befriend them. Since I am in the customer service department, talking to them was easy but I never told them of my desire to become pregnant. When I saw small kids I would feel somewhat empty. I wished the baby was mine and ask God, ‘Why can’t I get a baby of my own?’

I kept such an accurate track of my ovulation and menstruation that I became irritating to my husband. One day we quarrelled because he had declined to make love to me. He was very tired but I nonetheless nagged him to do it because it was one of those days I was ‘ripe’ and he knew it.I was angry and disappointed. After that I decided to keep my ‘fertile’ days a secret. I had reached a point where if my periods delayed for even a day I started imagining pregnancy was finally here.

I threatened to break up the marriage

Sometime in April this year we organised a trip to Naivasha with four other couples. I was moody and easily picked fights with my husband; minor things he did would suddenly annoy me. At one point I was so angry I threatened to break up the marriage saying that I didn’t have any attachments to it, meaning a baby. I had ceased understanding my own behaviour.

A few days later we went back to the chemist and took a pregnancy test

After the Naivasha spree, I developed back pain—pangs that felt like period cramps. I thought I was ovulating and that my periods were due. When I started feeling like throwing up, I concluded I had malaria. I wanted to take some malaria tablets but thinking of how much I disliked drugs I gave myself time. Then I developed a cold which didn’t respond to my natural home-made therapy of ginger and garlic. I was getting a bit infuriated and asked my husband to take me to a chemist where I bought a cough syrup. Funnily, my husband asked me not to buy the anti-malaria tablets. I guess he had instincts that I was pregnant. A few days later we went back to the chemist and took a pregnancy test, which turned positive. I was overwhelmed and I cried with joy. However, I was still apprehensive and feared that the test kit could be a fake one. For this reason I didn’t tell anybody until eight weeks later when I felt confident. I went for an ultrasound scan at week 20. That confirmed it—yes, I was finally pregnant.

END: PG 04/27-28