Strengthening your relationships
‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world!
There’s nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us: it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear. our presence automatically liberates others—Williamson, A Return to Love.
Many of us struggle with building relationships in our lives, more so the expectant woman whose focus is primarily on the baby she is carrying. It is possible, however, to find herself lonely during her pregnancy—albeit having a being she cherishes within her.
Relationship building and maintenance is a demanding task that requires great patience and commitment, and this may be energy sapping for any mother-to-be. However, this should not be the case if done at a calm pace with a few fundamentals incorporated.
In strengthening your relationships, you need to look at the three levels of relationships; with the Creator, with others and with self. In intensifying your relationship with your Creator, you, the expectant mother, will need to put aside time for a one-on-one with Him praying, journaling, reading spiritually-inspired books and being part of activities that add gist to your spiritual life. It is in this involvement that you will find that times spent in the devout venture strengthen the inner you. giving you the faith to look forward to your role as a mother.
Your relationship with others during this time is crucial as well. It ensures that you are not lonely (set apart by the majority who are not pregnant), or unduly done in by your new hormones, which keep taking you on unwarranted roller-coaster rides.
Right from when you discover you are pregnant, whether unplanned or planned, it is essential that you cultivate relationships that will keep your positive attitude stirred up. The optimistic mind-set will in turn come in handy when you are presented with challenges that show up in form of distress, fear and anxiety among others.
The emotional and spiritual support of friends and family will also be essential. Fellowshipping with them while visiting, in social gatherings, picnics, doing movies, dancing or whatever gives the group a tick, will be instrumental in reaffirming your emotional stability, self-esteem and confidence: which are necessary elements for your new role— motherhood.
Fortifying the relationship with self is often neglected because most people are not perceptive about its importance. Taking time off to be alone and reflecting on your personal dreams, plans, ambitions, hopes, fears, anxieties, and the like, ensures that you maintain a healthy perspective of who you are and what having the baby means to you. Keeping a journal of your thoughts will help in bringing your fears to the surface as well as what you are endowed with—inherently or by experience—to counter those fears.
As Williamson clearly indicated in her poem above, fear does hold us back from cultivating meaningful relationships. When we are incapacitated by fear, trust cannot be nurtured. Shiv Khera in his book. You can win: Winners don’t do different things. They do things Differently states that all relationships are trust relationships. He further indicates that the factors that build trust include: reliability, consistency, respect, fairness, openness, congruence, competence, integrity, acceptance, character and courage.
It may be worthwhile for you to ask, ‘How many of these factors do I bring into any of the three levels of relationships?’ By doing so, you will be able to objectively address your needy areas in order to cultivate and consolidate rewarding relationships.
The writer is a member of the Trauma Counsellors’ Network (Kenya). She is also a psychological counsellor and mentor by profession, and has a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology from the United States International University (Africa).
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