No half love

It’s 10pm, on one of those moonless, starless, very still nights. One is tempted to turn off the music and listen to rain falling. But this is in vain, unless you enjoy hearing the sound of raindrops as they hit the concrete pavement.

It’s only been half an hour since Natasha got home. She is an accountant in a global firm and around this time of the year, it can get quiet hectic. Natasha is usually fired up and raring to go a real embodiment of her firm’s values. Little wonder she made employee of the year. Lately though, maintaining one sitting position in proving quite a challenge. Yet, would she let anything come in the way of her goals? Not Natasha Nagasha. So she pushes on and ignores that backache .

She pops her dinner in the microwave and runs the water in the bath; then she pulls out her diary and the notes circled in red stare at her.
Tuesday
Bedtime story day
Wednesday
Management letter – partner review
Thursday
Akibanimali article – due

The management letter is due in two days and as she searches for it, her eyes rest on the recently released International Financial Reporting Standard, (IFRS 9). Her dinner is ready but first, she has to wish Tyler goodnight, even though she is sure she’ll find him asleep. She wonders if she should read it to Tyler in place of the bedtime story tomorrow? She let out a laugh in spite of herself.

Natasha is pursuing an accounting (ACCA) qualification. Her exam results were out today and available online. Did she have the courage to check? She’d rather wait till she’s turned in all her deliverables.

‘Surely three days would not change my grade,’ she tells Jeremy, smiling cheekily. Trust Natasha to be a die-hard optimist. Truth is, she is scared stiff by those results, but she is also determined to keep the stress level as low as possible.

‘Otherwise, Nicole will be born into an non-conducive environment,’ she echoes Jeremy’s word. Jeremy is asleep with ‘The king who sold his clothes’ in his hands. He must have read it to Tyler and enjoyed the story so much he decided to continue reading after Tyler slept. Taking a long hard look at her protruding tummy, she covers him with Supanet, tucks him in and goes to read baby Tyler his favourite bedtime story, or IFRS 9, even though she knows she will most probably find him asleep.

She strokes his hair and sings him a lullaby then she sits on the edge of his tiny bed, listening to Tyler’s rapid breathing. In this moment, she is confronted with the responsibility of raising another child. Nicole will be born in 40 days. And for a cool 10 minutes, she sits frozen on the edge of Tyler’s bed, gripped with fear. The fear of going through another birth, of sleepless nights, the fear of making mistakes while someone very eager to learn from her, watches on, of being a mother of two… her tears flow freely, fresh and hot. And with that comes a great release, like a shot of courage plus a tot of hope, injected into her system.

Maybe she can face it like she does her assignments, client meetings because she cannot wish it away. But unlike the deadlines they will bring her laughter, confidence and the courage to love.

It is the prerogative of the brave. She couldn’t agree more. She smiles from the heart and a genuine laugh escapes her lips.

She is already looking forward to next Tuesday, bedtime story night when Tyler will entertain them with his favourite story about school. The one about when teacher Mike asked what is a proverb? Tyler was the only one who knew the answer: ‘Half a love is better than none’…and the way the teacher smiled and the class clapped.

‘No half love,’ she said aloud, as if to Tyler who is fast asleep. He may have his ‘f’s and Vs mixed up but Natasha finds some truth in this misspelt proverb. There is no such thing as half love for love; to her, it is indivisible and cannot be apportioned.

‘Half a laugh is better than none too,’ she whispers, and more laughter follows.

She thinks of how she can buy time with her management letter. She can always submit it on Wednesday afternoon. She also thinks of how she can always stay up late compiling her article. But she knows she shouldn’t as easily put off Tyler. She wouldn’t ever again keep him waiting with his book open on  ‘The boy who was afraid to smile’ or till he ended up sleeping with his birthday cap on so ‘mummy will take a picture of me to put in her computer.’ He had given Jeremy such a hard time.

She feels a tinge of guilt when she remembers how committed she was to her work—never showing up late or skipping work even if she has an emergency. She realizes that she ought to improve her home time immediately, especially now that baby Nicole is on the way. She promises a ‘no holds barred’ loving spree where staying home on weekends and spending time with her family. She heard the microwave again. This time, she reckoned she could start now by picking up her dinner and feeding little Miss Nikki.

Then she listens to soulful ‘AMAYOBERA’, one of the songs in the music CD that Tessa, her colleague and friend, brought them from Rwanda.
She scans through IFRS 9 as she takes dinner.

‘Baby, you’ll be a guru in IFRS at this rate; maybe we should call you IFRS Nik…’ She jokes, rubbing her tummy. Standing by her window, she watches the raindrops slide down the louvers.
The rain is now just a rhythm in the background, it is still pitch dark and strangely, Natasha finds a lot of comfort in the darkness. She really appreciates nature.

Or maybe, she will name her baby IFRS Revised. She laughs even louder that she leans on the wall to maintain her balance.

 

END: PG32/18-19