Broke mums – Making financial peace at home
In this feature, factors that influence a man’s attitude towards his wife’s spending habits, on baby’s welfare are expounded.
Lone shopping:
Whether by circumstance or deliberately, many women find themselves on their own, inside stores that sell accessories for babies. She probably made an impromptu visit to the stores after work, before the family regroups in the evening. There is nothing wrong with shopping alone, and a man does not expect his wife to call him to accompany her every time she goes shopping. However, if the partner is never involved in the family shopping, he may not fully appreciate the costs of baby stuff, and may think his wife is extravagant.
What to do:
Find ways of involving your husband in the shopping, and not only in budgeting. One of the simplest ways to do this is to include some of his needs in your shopping trip with him. That way, he will find shopping a busy and exciting exercise. Caution: most men do not enjoy window shopping as much as women, and often go to stores with a specific need and sometimes with the exact amount of cash required. If you want to get the best out of shopping with your man, avoid straying off at every corner and into every baby-wear store. If he knows that is how you ‘shop’, he probably will avoid the next trip!
Impulsive purchases:
While women have more needs that require regular shopping, a man can do without visiting a shop for a whole week! This is true even for bachelors who at times do a month’s shopping at one go, and then focus on work and fun. If you keep bombarding your husband with unplanned shopping sprees for baby stuff, he is likely to feel overwhelmed and probably nagged. If you leave the house to buy baby’s shoes, and you end up buying t-shirts and trousers even before you have seen a pair of shoes, that’s a sure way to get your man on edge. Those purchases are probably necessary, but it is simply a question of planning, and this latest purchase was not on the current list.
What to do:
While shopping you may find other attractive baby items that are not on your list. It is not criminal to pick a few more things, but try not to overdo it. The best strategy is to first purchase the specific items you want, then consider how much money you have before you start impulse buying. If you must add a major item to the list, find a way of asking him to buy it for you, or at least get him into making a joint decision!
Unappreciative attitude:
Most men love grandeur and recognition. One of the surest ways to lose your man’s favour, is to fail to appreciate his effort. If your husband believes the money he earns does not make you happy, he sees no difference between parting with more or less, as none will satisfy you.
Most married men whether employed or in business, believe they work to secure their family’s future. It disappoints the man when he has shopped for the baby, only to be met with more demands once he gets home. Family shopping is his responsibility too, and he is not doing anyone a favour- so why should he expect any smiles? Unfortunately, it is human to retreat where one is not appreciated.
What to do:
Appreciation does not mean a woman should revere or worship her husband. It simply means an expression of respect and gratitude for what he has provided. Appreciation is reciprocal between couples.
The man will form an opinion of his wife’s’ appreciation by simply judging her reactions. Interestingly though, whereas a woman will ask a man, ‘are you not happy?’ many men simply note ‘she is not happy’, without uttering a word.
Priorities:
A woman’s priorities in the house, are not always the same as those of her husband. In general men love machines, property and cars, while women are attracted to fashion, beauty, kitchenware and other feminine stuff Because of this priority divide, many men find it hard to understand their wives’ spending habits. He will ask, ‘what did you buy this for?’
It is not that the man cannot see the utility value, of the item whose purchase he is questioning. Most likely he thinks there was something more urgent that could have been bought.
What to do:
Let your husband know that you are about to make a major purchase for your baby, especially if you had not discussed this with him. Buying an expensive pram may rub your husband the wrong way, if he is borrowing funds to meet the family budget. Discuss your joint priorities and how to finance them.
Sex, good food and peace:
Why are men so lavish with their mistresses? Simple: sex, food and peace; not necessarily love. A man who enjoys his meal, sleep and female company, will most likely have very few questions to ask when money is discussed. For many men, money is not a big issue; they believe they will somehow make more, even in the thickest of circumstances. Unfortunately it is very easy for a man to miss all these three magical factors in his home.
What to do:
While a marriage is a mutual agreement, men and women owe each other personal attention and peace of mind. Men run away faster when these are missing in a marriage. If your husband clearly did not enjoy his meal, was denied sex or spent a sleepless night for any reason, avoid talking about money.
Listen and understand his cry:
Although we do not take them seriously, many men mean it when they say they are broke. A man is frustrated once he realizes his wife does not ‘listen’, when he enumerates his financial woes. When times are good financially (though not appropriate) some men hit back by denying their wives cash, because she was not understanding when he was down.
What to do:
A man appreciates a wife who listens and hears what he says. He believes she understands him and his tribulations, more than anyone else. He is at ease therefore to not only talk about his financial difficulties, but also his fortunes and windfalls. That way, a well-meaning wife always gets to know his financial limits, and when to present the baby’s list.
END: PG 05 FEB-MAR 07/47-48