The beauty Within
Personal encounters with family and friends who are expectant in recent months have left me reeling with concern about general attitudes and perceptions towards pregnancy.
One friend confided in me that she had been told she was fat (how else is a size 12 five-month pregnant woman supposed to look like?): while a relative of mine was pro-occupied with the pimples on her face. Yet another one did not seem comfortable with her increased appetite. In each scenario, I found myself affirming and assuring the mothers to-be that what they were going through was normal for a pregnant woman.
What began as a mental search for what was happening to my expectant family members and friends, led me to the realization that by the time most women are getting pregnant, there are very many unresolved issues in regard to their appearance. In a society that dictates how the perfect woman should look like, we are all bent on ensuring that we measure up to the prescribed standards and so when our tummies bulge or our faces are no longer smooth, we panic at the possibility of losing face. What most of us do not realize is that we have an inner beauty that is too often neglected.
For the expectant women, your true value lies more in this internal beauty than in the physical changes you are experiencing. An obsession with societal expectations regarding your outward appearance can easily drive one to develop an inferiority complex. Collins. Gary R. (PhD) in his book Christian counselling: a comprehensive guide while making reference to Alfred Adler, a European psychiatrist states that people who feel inadequate and inferior tend to compare themselves unfavorably to others. Such comparisons can lead to a lot of human misery and feelings of inadequacy. In addition, Collins points out that feelings of inferiority can lead one to feel isolated and unlovable: have difficulty in getting along with others, and exhibit an inability to accept compliments or expressions of love. It is important for the pregnant woman to begin to assess her true worth and shut out society’s negative voices. While acknowledging the value of maintaining balance between fashion, health and pregnancy, the seemingly unpleasant physical changes should not mar the beauty that lies within. In identifying your beauty as an expectant woman, take time and list down your assets which include your talents, your good traits, and your strengths. It will also be helpful for you to remind yourself the value you add to other people’s lives. You may be the one people confide in, or the one who cheers others up. Visit an aunt or friend who has gone through pregnancy and share your fears and anxieties rather than sit alone in a pity-party of sorts, mourning the loss of your ‘perfect’ figure. The beauty within is greater than what society could ever give you, so find it, live it and share it.
The writer is a member of the Trauma Counsellors’ Network (Kenya). She is also a psychological counsellor and mentor by profession, and has a Master of Arts degree in Counselling Psychology from the United States International University (Africa).
END: PG18/16