Should Men Attend Antenatal Clinics?

MANY are the times that women remind men that men ‘do not know the pain of birth.’ In recent times, though, more and more men have ‘seen’ this pain, as they venture into labour and delivery rooms. In their own small way, men can now be said to be ’experiencing’ the amazing phenomenon of birth!

It seems correct to say that trends in the twentieth century, and now the twenty first, have enabled big scores for women, especially in the quest for equality, recognition and liberation from masculine stereotyping that previously relegated them to the confines of the kitchen and the bedroom. It is little wonder, therefore, that an increasing number of pregnant women is asking the question: why do I have to go to the antenatal clinic alone? Is this baby not a joint venture?

Many men on the other hand find this question rather interesting; something to amuse the man. rather than be serious about. Not all men as yet appreciate the role they can play at an antenatal clinic. The general notion is that, ‘hiyo ni maneno ya wanawake’ (‘those are feminine matters’)! Furthermore, there are those women who do not want their men anywhere near an antenatal class or delivery room, because they believe that is not where their men belong.

For those yearning for company, though, it is time to sensitise your men about the need rather than the must of his company to the antenatal clinic. One may argue that it is a man’s responsibility, therefore why should the woman do any orientation to him? Why seem to beg him to come along?

One needs to reflect on the historical perspectives of pregnancy in the society, and appreciate that most men do not fail to accompany their women to the clinic simply because they do not want to. but for lack to an answer to the simply question:

‘What am I going to do there?’ It is therefore not a bad idea for the couple to spend some time together talking about exactly what happens at the clinic and the importance of his presence, despite the sometimes disheartening queue!

The following are reason why men should accompany their wives to the antenatal clinic:

Men are privileged to ordinarily be the first to know when a woman has conceived. They are therefore in a unique position to influence what happens to her health and social circumstances thereafter. A caring man should want to be actively involved in seeking antenatal care for his partner. Many women are thrown off balance by the news of a pregnancy, and for this reason some take a long time before registering for clinic. Some are even scared, if they are having their first pregnancy. A man can stabilize and reassure her in a big way by helping her decide where to seek pregnancy care and giving her company to cross that first line. There may be some joint decisions to be made, for instance on costs of that care and logistics of getting to the hospital if it is a long distance from their house or place of work. It is also an opportune time to consider which health facility the woman will deliver at. and therefore make an appropriate decision with respect to the antenatal clinic.

Once the decisions are made, it is comforting to the woman and advisable for the man if he accompanies her to the clinics, as he can assist her in answering some of the historical and family lineage question that their care giver will pose. Questions such as whether anyone in the couple’s respective families has suffered a chronic illness in the past may prove difficult for a woman who attends clinic alone. These answers affect the manner in which care is given. As the man is the father of the baby and would like a safe pregnancy and delivery of his son or daughter, he would see the need to have the right answers offered at that opportune moment.

Ante-natal clinics create a forum for discussing sexual relationships. For instance, some couples are hesitant of having sex when the woman is expecting but if they visit a care giver together, they get to learn first hand the benefits and risks, as well as when it is safe or unsafe. True, a woman can go on her own and come home with the news that sex is safe during pregnancy, except in a-b-c- situations, but there arc men who would still hesitate and ask. ‘are you sure you hear the doctor right?’ It would even be worse when he wants to have it but she says, “the doctor advised me against it! He needs to have been there to understand why.

The benefits for the couple that agrees to go to clinic together are countless. Some of them are listed below.

Men share the joy of seeing their unborn baby during an ultrasound scan This is an amazing moment for any couple. It is usually unbelievable to ‘see’ the life that is developing, and to know they conceived it together. It brings the couple together and helps them start bonding with their baby.

A man who has been to the clinics will recognize the fact that a woman who may have had a normal pregnancy can develop problems. He learns to recognize an emergency situation and what to do about it.

Involving oneself in antenatal clinics helps a man appreciate the amount of money the pregnancy and delivery is likely to cost the couple. For example, the care giver might recommend an elective Caesarean section, or the man, having understood the risks his wife faces due to a particular medical condition, may ask questions on matters that she may have overlooked. Furthermore, the couple will be able to enquire on maternity packages and make an informed and mutually agreeable birth plan.

Some pregnancies do not end in the desired manner. A couple who have been attending clinic together are better able to cope, together, with the psychological consequences of tragedies such as a still-birth or a miscarriage. They will probably have been appraised of impending risks and will likely have discussed the possible outcomes with the care giver. In the event of surprise tragedies. I hey will have developed a strong bond and will be able to face this reality better as a couple.

Finally, there is no better way for a man to appreciate her changing behaviour, body and temperament that to be with her when the care giver advises on what to expect. Closer to delivery time, he will also become an active participant and beneficiary of perinatal education, including childbirth classes, and post-partum care.

‘Sweetheart, will you accompany me to the antenatal clinic?’

5 Tips to get you that ‘YES!’

1. Make him understand the benefits of attending your first official check-up in pregnancy since the doctor might ask certain questions that only he might be able to answer.

2. Explain to him your fears and worries of attending the antenatal alone especially if it is your first visit or you are experiencing pregnancy-related difficulties.

3. Communicate with him about how you feel about his presence or absence at the visit.

4. Share with him the thrilling experience of your previous visit. You can also give vivid details and samples of ultrasound scan that shows the baby. He will definitely want a chance to see the baby too.

5. Encourage him to accompany you by describing what exactly goes on during the ante-natal visits. Make him see that it is not a purely women’s affair and that there are other men present.

END:PG12/8-9