Why Do Some Men Stray When Their Wives Are Expecting?
Is it true that some men drift away from their wives especially when pregnant?
The truth of the matter is that men and women drift away from each other all the time, with or without pregnancy. In the case that you are referring to, I would like be sure that it is the pregnancy that actually drove the man away to another woman and not just the usual drifting.
There are some instances when marriages become more challenging and more difficult -like during pregnancy. Many women will attest to this. I know that sometimes there are pregnancies that really don’t ‘like’ the husbands. It’s a very common thing and it is not strange to hear experienced mothers tell you, ‘My first pregnancy was really ‘friendly’ to the father of the baby but the second one was ‘hostile’ to the father.’ These are not just tales from a doctor. They reflect hormonal changes that take place during pregnancy. The same pregnant woman will tell you that in the first three months of her pregnancy she couldn’t stand the sight of her husband and in the second trimester of the same pregnancy she can’t stand to be away from him.
It is therefore necessary to ask, at what stage did the man drift away? If it’s a young inexperienced person going through the first pregnancy with his wife he might misinterpret the hormonal changes as rejection and go looking for love and affection elsewhere due to lack of knowledge. On the other hand, a man who has been through two or three pregnancies with his wife would not worry. In fact he might joke with his friends about her pregnancy’s dislike for him because he knows that in about two or three months life will go back to normal.
It would be very dangerous to cause fear among women in general that men will drift away when pregnancy occurs. What is fair is to point out that during certain pregnancies some women are ‘off’ their husbands and also during certain pregnancies some men go ‘off’ their wives; it happens both ways! During such periods some men may become attracted to certain or other women.
The general case is that pregnancy does not have a bad effect on a relationship; on the contrary, one of the most wonderful times in the life of human beings is during pregnancy. It is a period enjoyed by both men and women-as the fruit of their labour.
Could it be because of sex that a man may drift away during pregnancy?
The most interesting point is that upon getting pregnant most female animals lose biological interest in the male. It is only in the case of humans that the female continues to be available for a sexual relationship even when pregnant. This is because human beings are different from other animals.
Sexual matters involving humans are therefore not that simple. Sex is a physiological issue that is dependent on hormonal changes which may affect the desire to have sex.
The real challenge is for each couple to establish and negotiate a sustainable relationship not just during each pregnancy but during each month of pregnancy. This is because at the beginning of a pregnancy one or the other of the couple may be ‘off’. For example, excitement and fear may lead a woman to think that the husband might hurt the baby during intercourse.
Towards the end of the pregnancy the issues again become different because there could be pain and discomfort. These are purely mechanical issues which may present challenges about sex. Open discussions between the couple will cure any problems that might arise along the way.
Is it that men are more predisposed to extra-marital affairs by virtue of being male species?
That is a matter of discussion. There are experts who believe that is the case, and some believe that is not the case. The people who believe that is case argue that all male animals are polygamous in nature and that the core desire of the male – be it a dog, hyena or cat – is procreation, spreading the seed in the same fashion as pollination occurs in plants.
The other group argues that man is not like a cat or a dog that needs to go pollinating all over but is an animal that is specially created by God with self-control and so on.
END: PG MAY 07/15