HIV positive but I still had a baby

JANE* was delighted that she was finally going to graduate, having spent over 14 years in school some of which were very trying. Being a strong Christian and a leader of the Christian Union, Jane’s main preoccupation was the church, outreach missions, and books on a daily basis. She did not only dream of one day becoming a great science teacher, but also of running her own Christian ministry.

‘Like many other women, I always thought of settling down into family life at some point in my life. These dreams of having children and a husband were my main source of inspiration during my school days.’ she says. She had promised herself that she would get married at least two years after college and three years down the road she would be a mother. She always looked forward to the day she would walk down the aisle with her long-time boyfriend John*.

Her dreams were slowly turning into reality as her graduation day approached—the big day finally came and it was filled with pomp and splendor. All her close family members, and of course, her boyfriend John were there to witness the memorable occasion.

Although securing a job immediately after her graduation was a great challenge, Jane did not tarmac for long before she secured a well-paying job with a prestigious Christian secondary school.

One of her ambitions in life had been fulfilled, however, she still felt her life was incomplete—she had to tie the knot with her soul mate. They, therefore, began making arrangements for a wedding that was to take place three months after she was employed.

‘However, even as the D-day approached and all the invitations had been sent out, our pastor had one condition. That we undertake an HIV test and hand the results over to him before the wedding.’ says Jane forlornly.

They planned and visited a local VCT center together a week before the wedding day. ‘We went to the VCT center brimming with a lot of confidence and enthusiasm not knowing what lay ahead of us.’

‘I could not believe my eyes as I read the results of the test, as they indicated that we were both positive.’ she says, adding: ‘This revelation cut short all my life expectations. How could it be? My life came crumbling down as soon as I was given this information and I immediately started wondering if my entire world was coming to an end.’

Fortunately, words from a counselor who was on duty at that time consoled Jane and John and served to assure them that they had another chance in life. The counselor explained to them that this was not the end of their life and the results were not a death sentence.

Their Pastor was also kind enough to allow them to proceed with their wedding because, as he put it, both of them were HIV positive.

But even as Jane walked down the aisle, many questions kept crisscrossing her mind. And although their wedding was filled with pomp and color, it seemed meaningless to her as she struggled with thoughts: ‘Will I ever see my own child and hold it in my hands? Will my child be infected if I give birth? Even if I get the child, will I live to see him grow or will my husband and I die and leave him at the mercy of the world?’

After they got married, they decided not to give up on life and visited a doctor to find out their chances of ever being able to get their own baby. After taking their CD 4 level count, the doctor confirmed that it was good and therefore safe for them to have a baby.

Jane recalls that moment as her face brightens for the first time since the interview started: ‘When we visited the doctor, we were not sure what the verdict would be—and this would determine the direction our lives would take. We had read an article in a magazine about a couple who managed to get a baby despite their HIV-positive status, and this gave us hope. At least we could see some light at the end of the tunnel.’

A few months later, Jane conceived and the couple was happy for the first time ever since they were given the devastating news. ‘There was a lot of happiness in the house when my pregnancy test turned out positive, unlike the past months when we were filled with a lot of gloom and despair.’

As if God did not want them to suffer any more than they already had, Jane had very few complications throughout her pregnancy. She visited an antenatal clinic from time to time, and when her due date arrived, she promptly checked herself into a hospital so as to ensure that both she and the baby were safe – and when the time came: she finally gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

‘In order to avoid infecting my baby, the doctor told me I would have to choose to either exclusively breast-feed the baby or put her on formula milk right from day one. Since I was working. I decided to use formula milk. My baby is still on formula milk and I intend to introduce other foods at six months.’ says an enthusiastic Jane, who believes that God has been faithful, to her for all these years.

Jane is very satisfied as a mother. She expresses it thus: ‘Sometimes I completely forget about my status when I see my baby.’ Now aged four months. Jane cannot tell the difference between her own baby and others: if anything, she says, her girl looks healthier. Meanwhile. Jane is working hard and saving for her child.

‘‘Not their real names.

END: PG15/44