Finding your identity

Pregnant. The word conjures varied responses from any woman who finds herself expecting a baby. There are those to whom the word is a delight, music to their ears, prompting them to immediately plan for the nine months ahead. On the other hand, there are those for whom finding out that they are pregnant invokes feelings of pain and anguish, which may be as a result of unpreparedness or bad memories about their conception.

Pregnancy is a time when significant decisions have to be made by the mother-to-be. However, in the midst of various decision making and life adjustments, it is important for you, the expectant mother, to stop and take a reflection about yourself.

Often times, women tend to abandon themselves into the new role of a mother-to-be, forgetting that they are the paramount figure in the equation. Pregnancy takes you through physical and emotional changes. And life will surely not be the same as soon as the little one makes entry into the world. It is therefore imperative that you take time and discover who you are during this time.

What a person associates him or herself with is ultimately who that person is.

Mark Dombeck, Ph.D, and Jolyn Wells-Moran, Ph.D, in discussing self-identity problems state that ‘People’s identity is rooted in their identifications: in what they associated themselves with. What a person associates him or herself with is ultimately who that person is. For all identity is ultimately in relationship with something else.’ Consequently, cultivating a relationship with yourself launches you into having wholesome relationships with those around you— most importantly, the unborn child. This may be a whole new concept, but it is not impossible.

You could start by analyzing how you spend your time.

Are there activities you are involved in that eat into your time and yet do not add real value? For instance, many hours in front of the television set, on the phone chatting non-objectively, working long and extra hours, or just being plain idle. Then begin rearranging your daily activities in order of priority. To see to it that time for yourself has been slotted in. Unless you do so you are likely to be caught up in the rush of life and its demands. This leaves you in a cocoon.

In the nest you have made for yourself, enjoy your little quiet moments: this differs with each individual. It could be a time of journaling, a quiet walk in the cool of the day, moments of prayer, listening to wholesome music, reading a book, gardening or engaging in light exercise routines. In so doing, you set off on a journey of tracing your various facets of existence. This will define who you are in a more solid manner—such that, by the time the baby comes, your identity is not lost, as it so often happens. Finding your identity should be an un-rushed process. So the earlier you embark on it the better.

Their self value falls in the lower quarter

The amount of time you invest in this course is commensurate to your self value. Many women are surprised to realise that on a scale of one-to-ten, their self value falls in the lower quarter. However, more often than not as they begin spending time with themselves, they continue to discover that they are a whole individual with strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes.

Quality solitude puts you in a position to wisely integrate all these into the bigger picture, that is, your life. As much as the nine months are about your soon-to-come baby: they are most significantly about you. Finding that special person that defines who you are!

The writer is a member of the Trauma Counsellors’ Network (Kenya). She is also a psychological counsellor and mentor by profession. She has a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology from the United States International University (Africa).

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