Can I have Sex?

After most of my child birth classes, there is always a lady or two who would linger around, saying they had a few more things they needed to check with me before leaving. And taking a long route starting with their pregnancy updates, plus some fumbling and stuttering, they’d finally ask the seemingly big question, ‘How safe is it for me to have sex now?’

Once a pregnancy occurs, there are several changes that take place in the woman’s body. Some of them are physical while others affect her emotional state. This leads to a change in the perception of sexuality by both the woman and her partner. Fear is a leading factor in the changing perception of sexuality. Due to poor understanding of a woman’s anatomy, many couples fear that if they engage in sex during pregnancy, there can be a lot of harm caused to the baby. A major worry is that sexual intercourse will rupture the membranes and harm the child.

As a childbirth educator, I put a lot of emphasis on the importance of keeping that part of marriage alive. The couples are taught that there is still a lot of fun and excitement despite the pregnancy. They can still engage in love making and use gentle skills and explore different positions to avoid the fear of harming the baby.

Another cause of different perception of sexuality in pregnancy is poor self image. Despite love for each other, most couples find that pregnancy alters their expression of physical love. The woman no longer feels attractive to her husband due to the growing belly and increase in weight. She no longer takes care of herself because she believes that she is shapeless after all. There are lots of beautiful things about being pregnant.

The woman needs to indulge in information that drums this in so that her great self image is not tampered with by the changes. She also needs a good amount of encouragement from her partner. Tell her about the glow, something about the new curves, how her capacity to carry her current responsibility gives her an irresistible aura-to mention a few. Fatigue in pregnancy also affects sexuality. Due to the extra weight, there is increased demand on the woman’s biological system. She tires easily, making sex the last thing on her mind.

Try relaxing skills, like having a shower or massage before attempting intimacy. The man should not initiate sex when he is tired; failure to take the upper hand may dissatisfy and frustrate your partner-making her turn down the suggestion next time. The general relaxation of body muscles due to changes in the hormonal balance, causes the pelvic muscles to lax and loosen their elasticity. This sometimes leads to unsatisfactory sex, hence future neglect or fear to engage intimately. It is advisable for a woman to practice Kegel exercises regularly to tone and build back the elasticity of the pelvic muscles. This enables her to voluntarily contract the muscles of the vaginal wall during intercourse, promoting and intensifying orgasm for both parties.

Increased vaginal discharge has also been known to make the woman uncomfortable therefore shunning sex. Instead of thinking about how odd the discharge is, consider it a natural lubricant that only makes things better.

Clarification
Understand that sex in pregnancy is safe and does not harm the baby in all the three semesters. There is no risk of breaking the amniotic fluid during sexual intercourse since the cervix is tightly sealed. Breaking of the waters often occurs when the woman is asleep and not when engaging in sexual intercourse.

Orgasm sometimes causes notable contractions which temporarily slow foetal heart rate, but this does not harm the baby. The notion that sexual intercourse in the last trimester can cause preterm labour, is also not confirmed by any evidence in research. For most women, pregnancy is a time of increased need. for more physical than sexual desire. Great emphasis, in Lamaze classes, is put on finding pleasure in each others body-by cuddling, holding, discovering new positions and new ways of making love. Slow gentle massage of different parts of the body, kissing, caressing are all ways of getting ready.

Negative emotions like anger, fear and sadness will mostly chill sexual desire and response. Couples need to create a conducive atmosphere for openness. They should be honest about their fears and lack of desire as well as increased desire. Exercise also lifts the spirits and builds energy. Keep up with your work outs.

END: PG 28 /10-11