Bishop Margaret Wanjiru says a big no to pregnant brides
You have been dating, you have been intimately involved and now you are pregnant. This therefore was not a planned pregnancy. You are running scared and have to make some smart decisions about your future and that of your child.
“Let’s get married,” says your boyfriend. Not bad news, if you are in love and probably have been making marriage plans already. Right? You always wanted a wedding in Church, so you wonder: should you wait until the baby is born, or get on with the wedding plans?
According to Bishop Margaret Wanjiru of Jesus Is Alive Ministries, a pregnant bride at the altar is tantamount to promoting sexual immorality. ‘The altar of the Lord must be respected,’ she explains.
‘You cannot commit sin in the morning, and at ten o’clock you are in the Church, getting married.’
So what is so wrong with wedding a pregnant bride in Church? Bishop Wanjiru clarifies that such a scenario indicates that the couple has had sex before marriage. ‘If you are wedding in Church, we expect your marriage to be holy, so how do you come when you are already pregnant? You should not be standing on that altar. Your marriage is not holy. You have already sinned.’
She quickly adds, ‘However, do we condemn you and throw you out of Church? No.’
‘What you should do is come and own up to the pastor and say, “This is what happened; we have sinned.” Marriage is biblical, very biblical, because the first wedding was initiated by God. That is at the Garden of Eden, between Adam and Eve. For sure there is no reason why somebody should have a wedding within an environment considered ungodly.’
Cease all sexual contact
‘What should a couple do if they have already fallen into sin and the lady is pregnant? Which way should they go?’ poses Bishop Wanjiru.
‘First of all you cannot wed in that state,’ she advises. ‘The couple must cease all sexual contact, and re-dedicate their lives to God. They must observe a period of separation to consecrate themselves. And when we talk about separation,’ explains Bishop Wanjiru, ‘we are not saying you do not meet, we are saying you separate sexually.’
Hasty decision on marriage
Bishop Wanjiru notes that, ‘Being married when you are pregnant, may be a way of getting people to commit themselves when they do not want to. It is as if to say, “You know there is a baby involved here, so marry me quickly.” This is not right.’ She cautions that the parties involved may feel under pressure, and make a hasty decision on marriage.
‘Do we still want to get married?’
‘If you have had the baby, and you have repented and gone back to God, you can be wedded in Church’, asserts Bishop Wanjiru. Once your baby is born, you should with a sober mind and without the pressures of pregnancy look into your relationship and ask yourself: ‘Do we still want to get married?’ If yes, you may go to your clergy for counselling. ‘You will be proud of what you have done’, she says. If the couple still wants to live together, then the Church wedding ceremony is re-considered.
Secondary virginity
She adds, ‘But now you are not wedding as virgins but as people who know; ‘We have been together and we have a child’. There is what we call secondary virginity. It is when one has been in the world, done the wrong things, lost his/her virginity but is now born again, sanctified and has re-dedicated her life to God. You have gone through what we call a consecration period; that period when you say, “It is me and God, I am serving only God now.” As you are serving God, you agree to get married; that is holy and good in the eyes of the Lord. What people must learn to do is to live truthfully,’ she continues.
You should be suspended from serving in Church
‘If you are serving God in any position of responsibility and you get pregnant or you are caught in sin you should be suspended from serving in Church. Not because of sexual sin alone, but even for other kinds of sin you may commit. You should be suspended until you are remorseful and show you have changed, then you can be restored.’
White wedding gown
What is the fate of pregnant brides in white wedding gowns? ‘I have abandoned myths about white gowns,’ Bishop Wanjiru reveals. ‘A white gown was supposed to signify holiness, but holiness is a matter of the heart. How many couples put on white gowns on their wedding day when they spent the previous night together? It is not right to use the white gown as a measure of holiness. The state of your heart is what determines whether you have been clean in your relationship.’
Do religious leaders who wed these couples sin?
‘When you know that somebody is pregnant it is not right to wed them,’ declares Bishop Wanjiru. ‘What we are saying is that the couple is supposed to have lived a holy life during courtship. It is for your own good that your wedding kicks off on holy ground because God will bless that marriage. I heard someone say the other day that most of the people divorcing were wedded in Church. The reason is that some of those couples were wedded while pregnant and nobody said no to them.’
Do religious leaders who wed these couples commit sin? She responds: ‘We must simply say no to sin at the altar of the Lord. When a holy covenant has been made before God, the marriages will have God’s blessings.’
Abortion is murder
Would some women be tempted to carry out an abortion once they know they cannot wed in Church while pregnant? ‘Abortion is murder,’ she warns. ‘Not only that, abortion has its complications. Supposing you undergo an abortion and then get married but you have destroyed your uterus? You cannot get a child again. What justice are you doing to yourself?’ She emphasizes that if you get pregnant out of wedlock, you should simply take responsibility, give birth and take care of the child.
Must a couple be wedded by a religious leader?
‘It is important — let us not say a must — that a religious leader officiates at the wedding for this reason: God being the initiator of weddings would like to be involved in all weddings. Remember, wedding results into a family and the family set-up is ordained by God. So why do they want to wed minus God? Spiritual blessings are very important. After officiating at the wedding the religious leader will bless the couple. At the Attorney General’s office you get a marriage certificate but not spiritual blessings. You leave spiritually naked. I would emphasize on a Church wedding where you get spiritual blessings.’
Is the baby born out of wedlock unholy?
Bishop Wanjiru exonerates the baby from any blame. ‘The baby is the result of two people who sinned. The baby never sinned. As I tell people, it does not matter who gave birth to you, just thank God that you are here and do what you can to better your life.’
This article was first published in Pregnant Magazine hard copy edition.
END: PG 04 DEC 06-JAN 07/6-7