The Purity of Love

The Purity of Love

I just finished reading one of the most compelling books on Love and now I know the notions I have long held about love have been nothing but fickle. Elisabeth Elliot, in her book, Quest for Love: True Stories of Passion and Purity (1996), draws a true picture of love that makes the general world view seem like child’s play.

This book is very exceptional since I found myself stopping to reflect, on a powerful truth that had sprung out in the course of my reading. As soon as I finished reading it, I knew I had to share some of my insights from the book with my special group of friends: mothers-to-be, who are already experiencing a special type of pure love. You may be have an idea of the purity of love, or you may still be seeking it.

Timing

There is always the need to patiently wait for the right time to meet that one person. In a fast paced society that dictates that we should date and marry ASAP (as soon as possible), waiting for the right time is often a monumental task. I have learned the importance of stepping back from the dating scene, re-evaluating the situation, seeking wise counsel from those who have gone ahead of us, and re-defining our value systems when it comes to love.

Since the world always sways us towards rushing into love relationships, we often end up with someone who does not truly respect and honor us for who we are, and in turn we continue to hurt over and over. If we truly want to experience the purity of love, then we must learn how to wait by shutting out the ASAP voices of friends and family, and listen to the inner voice within us while we watch and pray.

Our feelings

Our feelings especially as women, can be quite deceitful. If you have been in love, is it not amazing how you can love one person this year and three years later you fall in love with someone else? There seems to be this endless insatiable ability to ‘love’ and to ‘have feelings’ somehow. While feelings do play an important part in our love relationships, I believe it is important to use our heads too and critically analyze what we are getting into. Our hearts and our minds should work hand in hand as we think about love.

Pursuing love based on only our feelings will lead us to a path of irrationality and definite disappointment when the need for a reality check beckons. Love in its purest form goes beyond the ‘feely-feely’ experience, the giddiness, the fluttering of the heart, and instead incorporates sober judgment and rationality that enables us to make wise decisions in the long run. Being wary of our feelings will save us a lot of irrational decisions that always end up in heart ache.

Man to initiate

I read this particular chapter over and over in disbelief. In all my years, I have often thought, ‘Hey, we live in an equal world so if you like him, say so!’ What deception! I now realize that if a man truly loves you, he should pursue you. And as a woman, it is important to sit back and let him express himself. He does not need any help. Have you ever wondered why some men have taken off as soon as you emptied your heart to them? Well, you scared them. You usurped their role and ran faster than they were ready for.  Ms. Elliot states the importance of allowing the man the opportunity to lead the relationship.

In this way, they learn how to be responsible for their feelings and what is expected of them in the relationship. In order to enjoy the purity of love it is critical that we hear the words ‘I love you’ first come out of the man’s mouth and even when they do say those words, let us not be too hasty to utter them. Let us give them reason to sweat it out and to place great value on you as a woman!

Who to love

Ask any girl and each one of us hopes to fall in love with a tall dark handsome man—where did we get this from? The purity of love is evident when we are able to love even those who do not fit in our perceived framework of love.

Love is such a wonderful thing. It is really up to us to open up our hearts and respond to it from wherever it comes from—as long as it is pure love.

During this season of love, as a mother-to-be, you have great opportunity to share insights on the purity of love with your little one as he or she grows and begins to have understanding of the world around and its happenings. And for those of us who are mothers-to-be. the story has been said. For those in love relationships, you can use the mentioned as checklist, and as a guide for trying to get to where you are headed.

Lucy Simiyu is a psychological counsellor and mentor

END:PG29/12

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