Paternity Leave-Just what to do with it

“Maternity is a matter of fact; paternity is a matter of opinion,” is a proverb attributed to an unknown author. It is a witty statement, but doesn’t it have the outright implication that fatherhood may as well be extinct?’

As the world continues to change and employment continues to make more demands, an ever-widening gap is wedged between the man and his newborn.

Sociologists generally acknowledge that a new father needs time away from work as much as a new mother. However, men wrestle with the balance between work and family responsibilities, says Armin Brott, author of The Expectant Father and The New Father. “Most new fathers,” he writes, “feel torn between two options that feel mutually exclusive: protecting and providing, and being an involved, nurturing dad.”

According to a Harvard University report, of 173 developed countries examined, 169 guarantee paid maternal leave for women. Only 66 of the 173 countries guarantee paid paternal leave.

Section 29 of Kenya’s Employment Act states: “A male employer shall be entitled to two weeks paternity leave with full pay (emphasis mine)” The “shall” here implies that it is a mandatory provision and it entitles the father to at least 10 working days away from work to attend to the recovering mother and child.

Paternity leave is, however, only applicable to an employee whose known expectant wife delivers a baby. Therefore, paternity leave is not open to any just male employee who has a newborn with his female partner. The couple has to be legally married and the employee’s wife be recognised by his employer.

It is interesting to note that as forward-looking a country as South Africa does not provide for paternal leave rights under its Labour Laws. According to a Word press online article, “[Fathers] can apply for this when their child has been born. New fathers are allowed three days of family responsibility leave from work. It is not a legal requirement that the leave be paid, but it is a legal right for the new fathers to go on paternal leave after the birth of their new child.”

Now, it’s probable that this information may have an equivocal reception among new Kenyan fathers: Those who are thankful for Kenya’s Employment Act; and those who envy the South Africans.

Another research suggests that generally, four out of 10 new dads do not take advantage of the available paternal rights. Well, if the extinction of the dad role does become a fact, we certainly will not have to wonder about 40 percent of the reasons: And yet one unspoken problem is that the corporate world views paternity leave as an obstacle to productivity, that the man’s role in childcare is redundant when the mother is present.

A Journal of Social Issues article had a study showing that fathers who take leave are perceived as lazy workers, and are usually rated lower on performance reports.

It is also suggested that a social stigma is associated with a man, and an African man at that, taking time off work and detained indoors to change nappies and to wait hand and foot on his recovering wife. Of those who are happy about the leave, some may want to use the break to review their business ventures, all the while persuading their heavy consciences that it is really all for the family’s benefit. Still, there are those few odd men who will defy stereotypes and use that time to bond with their newborn.

We see most women take to motherhood with all readiness and heart, which is quite natural because she spent the previous nine months getting physically and emotionally attached to the baby. But for most men, fatherhood actually starts when their child is born and they can hold him/her. This is not always a role they can perform by instinct. There is, of course, a certain manly pride that comes with proving to the world, and particularly to oneself, that you are both virile and potent in bringing forth live offspring That at least on that score you are a total man and can be counted upon: But there has to be an early resolve to take responsibility for nurturing the life you have created, and to follow up that resolve with evident paternal affection.

So to be an involved dad is a brave thing, and you are man of true valour who can step up to the plate and let the chips fall where they may: To be seen in supermarket aisles or clinic waiting-rooms with a baby in the crook of your arm. For one thing, you will be weakening the stereotype that the modern working man couldn’t possibly love his own child as much as his bank account

Stuff you can do on your paternity leave
You will see that a child is so dependent on his mother, and you might think that your presence is altogether inconsequential and experience the awkwardness of feeling like an intruder in your own house. You are probably an outdoors man thus feeling reduced to ‘waiter’. Note that paternity – leave is a time to learning as much as possible and to pick up the slack as your wife rests to recover from the birth. It is an opportunity for your baby to get to know you.

Here are tips that might help you get started
Stay involved: Let your partner know that you are there for her. A new baby sleeps for up to 22 hours a day, but there will be a lot to do in days to come. Your partner needs to know you will be there, especially if some days after delivery she gets the baby blues (also known as Post-Partum Depression) as her body readjusts from pregnancy.

There is, of course, a certain manly pride that comes with proving to the world, and particularly to oneself, that you are both virile and potent in bringing forth live offspring.

Keep the home running
This is the most important thing you can do to allow your wife and baby to rest those first few days, especially if she has had a Caesarean section. You’ll probably have prearranged for a house-help to keep the place swept, watered and scrubbed. Otherwise roll up your sleeve and dig in.

You are your partner’s gatekeeper
This time is for you, your woman and your baby. She may not feel comfortable breastfeeding when there are visitors all the time.

Get acquainted with your baby
When the baby is not sleeping or breast- feeding, it will help you feel less useless when you help burp, bath and change him. Your partner can be attending to other things while you are with the baby.

Getting up at night
You might not immediately enjoy this part, but consider that it offers bonding opportunities for you and your baby, and shows support to your partner. Admittedly, it is quite trying to have your sleeping pattern shattered every night, but with patience and perseverance you will adapt. Besides, you could use with being a little less selfish and thinking about someone else’s needs before your own. But if you’re going to loaf around the house surfing sports or news channels, playing video games, sleeping-in and indifferently watching the mother- child cooing, then you were just better off declining your paternal leave when it came up. The most insufferable kind of new father is the one that becomes the bane of his partner’s first two weeks at home. Not only does he not lift a finger to any daddy duty, he expects to be waited upon as much as the baby doesl To have his food served at the regular hour; his bath water prepared; his hangovers medicated; his conjugal rights gratified on cue …. The poor woman attached to such a man deserves our pity. And she, very likely, loves him more when he’s at work than when he is home I Remember the concept of a paternal leave is that it is an opportunity to be paternal. Whatever kind of father you had, you probably want to do a better job of fatherhood than he did, or at least to do it well as he did. It is highly rewarding to have your child grow up before your eyes. Family is the worth and wealth of a man’s life.

Paternity leave in other countries

• Madagascar: The Labour Act grants three days of paternity leave for the private sector and 15 days for the public sector.
• Mauritius: According to the Employment Rights Era 2008, a male worker shall be entitled to five continuous working days as paternity leave.
• South Africa: Three days paternity leave.
• Tanzania: At least three days paternity leave.
• Mozambique: Two days consecutive or alternate paternity leave during the thirty days from the date of birth of the child, every two years.
• Denmark: New fathers are allowed 14 days of paid paternal leave.
• The UK: Gives two weeks of paid paternal leave for new fathers.

END: PG 48 /46-47