On a father’s note

I was out of the country when my brother sent me a message about my dad’s illness. His message spelt doom for me. I shared the news of my dad’s illness with my host family and they rallied around me and prayed for a man they had never met it was a favour that genuinely humble me.

That day marked the beginning of a long and winding journey. My faith was tested time and again as I waited for news about his surgery and his subsequent treatment. Any time I received a call from my brother my heart would haphazardly beat against my chest expecting the worst. There was a day I contemplated getting onto the next plane back home but the wise counsel of my brother and friends prevailed.

As soon as I got back to the country, I hopped into the next bus for up-country to be re-united with my parents, more so my dad. I am glad I am here and that I have an opportunity to walk with him through his treatment. Each day fills me with hope as we struggle through this phase as a family. I am especially grateful to friends and family who have gone out of their way to give both monetary and emotional support; no words can ever express my gratitude.

All these happenings have made me take time to stop and reflect on the importance of my Dad’s role in my life. Ever since my growing up years, my Dad has been my hero. He is not a perfect man; but his input in my life is invaluable. I could never trade the love and support I have received from him for anything else.

According to an article The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children authored by Jeffrey Rosenberg and Bradford W. Wilcox (2006), a noted sociologist, Dr. David Popenoe, who is one of the pioneers of the relatively young field of research into fathers and fatherhood states, ‘Fathers are far more than just ‘second adults’ in the home.’ He elaborates that involved fathers bring benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring.

Dr. Popenoe discusses the importance of fathers by looking at three major aspects:

Mother/father relationship
A father who has a good relationship with the mother of their children is more likely to be involved andto spend time with them thereby nurturing children who are psychologically and emotionally healthier. Similarly, a mother who feels affirmed by her children’s father and who enjoys the benefits of a happy relationship is more likely to be a better mother. A healthy mother-father relationship results in both parents being more responsive, affectionate, and confident with their infants; more self-controlled in dealing with defiant toddlers; and better confidants for teenagers seeking advice and emotional support.

Fathers who treat the mothers of their children with respect and deal with conflict within the relationship in an appropriate manner are more likely to have boys who understand how they are to treat women. Girls with involved, respectful fathers are less likely to get involved in violent or unhealthy relationships. Research has also shown that husbands who display anger, show contempt for, or who stonewall their wives (‘the silent treatment’) are more likely to have children who are anxious, withdrawn or antisocial. It is interesting to note that research consistently shows that the married mother-and-father family is a better environment for raising children than the cohabiting (living together) mother-and-father family.

Fathers impact on child’s achievement
Children with involved, caring fathers have better educational outcomes. According to Dr. Popenoe, a number of studies suggest that fathers who are involved) nurturing and playful with their infants have children with higher IQs, as well as better linguistic and cognitive capacities. Toddlers with involved fathers go on to start school with higher levels of academic readiness. They are more patient and can handle the stresses and frustrations associated with schooling more readily than children with less involved fathers. The influence of a father’s involvement extends into adolescence and young adulthood resulting into better verbal skills, intellectual functioning, and academic achievement.

Fathers impact on social behaviour
Children who have an involved father from birth are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings, and, as they grow older, have better social connections with peers. These children are less likely to get in trouble at home, school or in the neighbourhood. Infants who receive high levels of affection from their fathers (e.g. babies whose fathers respond quickly to their cries and who play with their dads) are more securely attached. They can explore their environment comfortably when a parent is nearby and can readily accept comfort from their parent after a brief separation.

Fathers are prone to push achievement while mothers stress nurturing, both of which are important to healthy development. As a result, children who grow up with ” involved fathers are more comfortable exploring the world around them and more likely to exhibit self-control and pro-social behaviour.

The time to embrace the opportunity to introduce our babies to the gift of fatherhood is still at hand. If you have been blessed with caring fathers or fathers-to-be by our side, look into their eyes and tell them, ‘Happy Father’s Day!’

END: PG 33 /12