Raising isn’t easy… it’s simple

It has been jumping over a hurdle, going under a thicket and wading through some un-chattered waters for Collar and Sophie Angote as they watch their family grow from not to greatness. They both tell us the story.

I met Collar in 1983 college, where he was taking accounting as I did secretarial. We complimented each other, completed each others sentences and from then on walked into what we are today, husband and wife.

We set off to a slow start in a single room my husband being the only breadwinner—working as an accounts clerk for Undugu Society of Kenya. My secretarial job with the government followed later on. Our income was considerably small, but good planning prevailed; such that when our children began trickling in 1991. we were ready for them.

Raising our wonderful four boys and a girl (Allan. Caxton. Pauline. Henry, Gerishom—in that order) was challenging, to say the least. Hardly would a year pass without Henry and Gerishom being admitted once if not twice, in hospital. Among others. I am obliged to thank the church, from which I drew faith and encouragement, and my husband’s employers. Their availing of a family medical scheme, loans and grants went a long way in settling our sons’ medical bills.

School time
Collar: And as school time drew nearer, we made other big adjustments to provide for that inevitable venture. So by the time our last born was three in 1994, we had settled for a 13 acre piece of land in Matunda Township and put up a small house on it to help fetch money for school fees. Our farming project back in the village was a buffer that continued to assert its presence on our finances.

Some little advice: Education is incidentally built on finances. Consider exploring the benefits of savings and credit societies since… who knows! So plan way in advance and act on it as soon as you can.

Our children’s education has always been of priority. By committing ourselves to provide for their school fees and other academia needs: we came to realize that a thorough follow up of their progression in study was of equally great importance. We invested it in the follow up of their education from three angles: ourselves, the child and the teacher. This meant that we were to play our part in cooperating as a team without defending the child and actually chose to side with the teachers. And although the children felt pressured: they now verbally appreciate it. saying it cultivated sound discipline which they are currently applying in their various ventures.

We attended all the school meetings and summons in person. I have seen many parents nowadays delegating these meetings to close relatives. As much as that takes some pressure of you. it is likely to overlook vital aspects thus ends up compromising the quality of their education.

Use of the library has remained our big emphasis date. Even when we were staying at Kawangare, they extensively visited the Kenya National Library for their private study. As a matter of fact. I hardly recall hiring the services of a private tutor or paying for school tuition for any of our children. We instead made them understand the importance of reading in advance and revising their lessons—something they did at the library.

Extra-curricular
Sophie: Most of our peers were not privy to the magnitude of children’s co-curricular activities and importance of talent identifying and building. We knew better and made room for putting books aside so that natural acumens could stick out.

Extra-curricular activities give a child a sense of belonging. They build their self-confidence and put them in position to easily identify with others in society.

Character and Independence are values that Mzee and I hold highly too. As soon as the kids got past 11 years old. we did away with house-helps. With a proper task delegation plan in place, they self-sufficiently got around the housework from cleaning to cooking—as they grew. We no longer needed to be home for the youngest of them to take supper in good time. As a result, we now have a memorandum of understanding: No one waits for the other. The boys actually make better chapatis than mine.

Career-guiding
Collar: When each of them was through with their secondary school, we set them free to pursue their lines of choice: as opposed to insisting on them taking what we think was best for them. If you asked me. I’d say the latter is recipe of chronic fatigue in their future work places and compromised performance. I must confess. though, that career-guidance goes a long way, as they may lack personal direction and conviction. So you. as family, need to put your heads together to help set each child on their destined professional path.

Spiritual mentorship
This plays a big role in birthing morally upright leaders. Our children were part and parcel of church as early as we can remember. They have remained active to date. I believe the church is the institution that is most equipped to instill the tenets of societal responsibility in individuals— especially from childhood.

Openness
We have always had a cordial relationship. Mama and I explained to them the need of being bold enough to ask for clarification of anything that is not clear to them. We have given them space to even seek professional help—if for one reason or another they feel they cannot get it from us.

However, as much as openness is a trait that we uphold (which allows us to hear them out), we have emphasized on the importance of fatherly/motherly contribution in their social endeavours. We have asked to participate in their choice of friends and advice in the circles they move in.

Parenting hurdles
Sophie: We have had our share of the turbulence in the parenting sea. One of our sons had a difficult time settling down. Fortunately, it came to pass. The Adolescence Counseling Clinic at The Kenyatta National Hospital, which provides free counseling, came in handy for all of us.

On a lighter note, I muse at how dynamic fashion has been, and at its effects reverberating into my house. I can no longer buy their clothes. By letting them carry their fashion day, I easily go round the headache of buying a piece that might end up as a donation—because I am not ‘with it’.

When we were starting off as a young couple. I was not that confident that we would raise a whole family and make it. If asked. I would have sincerely raised doubt but right now I can say that we are somewhere and we are headed for a better day. Whenever I reflect on these notable changes. I am appreciative of our weekly family talks, many of which were at picnics in City Park. The other bonding escapades were the long bus rides to upcountry. The frequency to the park has of course dwindled since, and my big ones would always opt for the faster buses—if they agree to come with us upcountry.

Caxton and Allan are successful business people. Pauline and Henry are taking Law, and Fisheries & Aquatic Science at Moi University, respectively. Gerishom is doing Microbiology Medicine at The Jomo Kenyatta University of Agriculture and Technology (JKUAT). Up to now, we believe that ours is a success story. That is why I say raising is just simple. for lack of a better expression.

Being big dreamers, as a couple, we are now looking for more challenge. I find myself coaxing my husband to prepare for a break from the office so that we can put our hands on something different: maybe business. I thank God for seeing us this far.

END:PG27/12-14