A Vow to Remain Strong

We all have our share of misfortunes in life’s Journey. But it takes the bravest of souls to survive some woes, remain strong and raring to go. Grace Akinyi, raped at eighteen, braved it all to raise a healthy baby, only to get married to a man who would infect her with a disease that nearly killed her and her unborn child. She narrated her experience to Elizabeth Ombati

I grew up in rural Kisumu and lived a normal, simple life: going to school and helping out with chores at home. Things started going awry when I turned eighteen. One day, a group of girls convinced me to accompany them to the disco located at the local town centre, even though it was against my wishes. Little did I know that the girls had planned to ‘deliver’ me to a certain man.

As we were having drinks, they tricked me and in no time I found myself in a room with a man. He raped me. I felt ashamed and guilty, and never told anyone. The one thing I did not know was that I had gotten pregnant.

I knew I had found my Mr. Right

Not long after, I left Kisumu for Nairobi and found work as a house girl. It is while working here that I discovered I was pregnant. Luckily enough, this household did not have a problem with my pregnancy. I stayed with them till the full term of my pregnancy and got a baby girl. I then went back to my rural home and stayed for two years before returning to Nairobi.

When I came back in the year 2000, I met Christopher*, the man who was the father of my two children. It is then that more tribulations came my way. While still working as a house girl, Christopher professed his undying love for me and from his persistence I knew I had found my Mr. Right.

We started a relationship and a few months into it, I started falling sick. I had malarial symptoms and I went for treatment but the signs did not go away.The doctor tested for pregnancy, which turned out positive.

I hated him

The news did not scare me: what concerned me were the recurrent pains in my lower abdomen, three months into the pregnancy. I kept taking the malarial treatment but when it seemed nothing was improving, I went to a clinic in Githurai. The doctor suggested a syphilis test and even though I tried to object as I had never had any multiple liaisons with other men, he insisted that I go ahead.

I was shocked—the test was positive. When I confronted my husband, he told me he had been on syphilis treatment and had not gotten to finish the prescription. I was devastated. Not only was my trust in him eroded, but I felt betrayed especially after he claimed to have contacted it from another girl.

Here I was, pregnant, and with a sexually transmitted disease (STD). I was scared for my growing baby. I was afraid I would die but above all I felt contempt for my husband and I hated him.

My placenta was rotten

The doctor advised that my husband and I get treatment. I had complications all through my pregnancy. Come the day of delivery. I discovered that my placenta was rotten as a result of the STD. It came out in pieces. My baby too was affected, though his weight was 4.1 kgs. His eyes were red, extremely blood shot and I feared he would go blind. I had to be stitched because I had had an episiotomy, the baby being too big. Sadly, the nurse who was doing the stitching did not realize that pieces of the placenta had remained inside my womb.

Many people thought I would die

The following day, my stomach was bloated and the pain was unbearable. I started bleeding profusely. I had given birth at a clinic in Kahawa and had to be transferred to Kenyatta National Hospital (KNH).

When I got to KNH, the stitches had to be cut up again so that I could be cleaned and the remaining pieces of the placenta removed. The pain is still raw in my mind.

I stayed in KNH for two weeks. I was not eating: I was weak and my baby could not suckle. To make matters worse, I did not have any money and my husband was jobless. We depended on money from well wishers.

The situation was worse at home, with no money to live on. It was pitiful. My body was still swollen and my skin turned yellow. Many people thought I would die. It was scary.

It was a trying period

The land lord chased us from the plot which we were occupying due to rent arrears. A friend of mine gave us a cubicle by her house where we got to stay. The local priest paid me a visit one time and listened to my story. He helped me get a job in a nearby church dispensary. This has helped me support my family.

When my boy was only seven months, I conceived again. It was a trying period because the third baby was unplanned for and it was a trying period. But I trust in God and I believe there is a reason for all that happens.

Meanwhile, I have started using contraceptives. The job I have at the dispensary helps me provide for my family. I would like to advise all women to be careful. The moment you find out you are pregnant, go to a clinic immediately for checkup.

*Not his real name

SOCIETY DlSINTEGRATING—Professional Perspective
DR. BLASIO OMUGA

WHO IS THE MAIN VICTIM?

Communities we live in are faced with many social ills. Unfortunately, the bulk of all this evil often times falls on the woman’s shoulder Viewed as the pillar of the society, the woman endures a lot of struggles in life, which weigh heavily on her, affecting her overall health

RAPE

Many girls and women have been raped. Rape tears at the humanity of the victim; it destroys the basic value of the person. Should you be raped, go to hospital as soon as possible and report the matter to the police.

MARRIAGE

Marriage is a commitment entered into out of trust. Everyone wishes to believe that their spouse is the best choice and is responsible for the union It is important to be careful before committing to marriage. There are numerous wolves in sheep’s clothing.

INFIDELITY

Infidelity is a real, big problem in the world today. Sexual sin is the only one which has two commandments guarding against it yet it is one that is most violated.

Infidelity is a most devastating and destructive element in marriage.  It breaks relationships, leaving ruined and distrusting hearts behind. The third party, mostly the children, have their own story to tell.  People caught in infidelity also have their side of torment despite being the cause of guilt. It becomes dangerous when the people involved are exposed to STDs and even HIV AIDS, not to mention the psychological trauma it causes.

STDs

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are another risky reality facing marriages. Anyone involved in unprotected sex is at high risk.  Unfortunately some STDs like syphilis may have no symptoms—or may only present mild early symptoms.

Half treated STDs can also be transmitted.Tire symptoms do not present themselves the same way in men and women. 70 per cent of women with gonorrhoea and 70 per cent of men with chlamydia trichomatis infections have no symptoms. There are over 300 million new treatable STDs annually in the world with the majority being in Sub Sahara Africa.

RED-EYE

The conjunctivitis in the baby was, very likely, due to gonococcal infection causing a condition known asophrhalimia neonatorium. The infection of the eye occurs during birth because of the gonococcal bacteria in the cervical canal. The condition manifests itself with a discharging red eye.

If the mother is not treated, she may end up with puerperal sepsis—an infection of the birth canal within six weeks after delivery.

UNWANTED PREGNANCY

The problem of unwanted pregnancies from rape and from not using contraception is common. Unfortunately, unwanted pregnancies are a high contributor to maternal deaths and accompanying risks, as many end up in abortions. Few brave girls carry pregnancy to the end.

The economic constraints, social reactions and rejection, future uncertainty, added responsibility, the unpreparedness, and so on, also add to the woes of unwanted pregnancy.

ANTENATAL CARE

Antenatal care (ANC) helps in solving maternal problems, including detecting and treating diseases that are likely to affect the growing child in the womb This mostly happens in the first three months, thus the importance of starting ANC early. ANC reduces complications both in the pregnancy and delivery alike, including excessive post delivery bleeding that is extremely dangerous.

POVERTY

Poverty is a reality that affects women more than men.  The poverty burden is usually shifted onto the woman, especially when she is heavily pregnant and while breastfeeding, since she is not in a position to effectively engage in money generating ventures.

PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY

It should be noted that in the rural areas, over 60 per cent of households are run by women. Many men believe the use of contraceptives solely lies on a woman’s shoulders, assuming that she should take the necessary precautions. Society should guard women against this and insist that the man participate actively in the child bearing process.

END: PG 16/24-25