Gentle unfolding…

Continued from Issue 35

The doctor, on realizing that I was not paying attention goes through the whole process again mentioning the important points. I take notes:

o I will have to start taking Anti retroviral drugs.
o The doctor can do a prescription which costs about five thousand shillings a month or
o The doctor can write me a letter of introduction to join an ARV clinic
o Within two months my CD4 should have gone up significantly
o I can choose to take the drugs only for the duration of the pregnancy and bottle feed or continue taking even after delivery and breastfeed
o The drugs will have no negative effects on the baby.

‘So what would you prefer, buying the drugs or getting them for free? One more important thing, since you are in a sexual relationship, I think your partner also needs to be tested.’ He says.

Tony does not object. He does not need counselling so the doctor writes the lab request for him. As for the drugs, I still have to think about it. What with all those side effects I have heard about. As we leave the doctor’s room, he says, ‘Don’t keep me waiting for long, remember we are trying to save the baby. The sooner, the better’. Ok, ok, I know, I think as I close the door behind me. Tony has his blood sample taken at the lab and we go home.

I have finally decided, it is my life, my future, and so I will start taking the ARV’s. I will have the doctor introduce me to a clinic, after all this country has a policy to make sure that people with HIV like myself have access to free treatment.

One morning we pass by the doctor’s office and he gives me the much needed letter of introduction. The clinic he has referred me to, is on my way to the office so I make a mental note to pass by after work in the evening. Tony’s results are out. Actually his results were out on the very day he gave his blood sample. The Doctor pulls a small white sheet from an envelope and reads through it. Biting his pen, he sits back and rocks on his huge chair. He looks at each of us in turn, takes a deep sigh and finally, Tony, your results are here, I don’t know if this is what you expected but if you have any doubt, you can have the test repeated.’ Looking at the paper closely, as if scrutinizing it, he says, ‘Your test turned out negative for HIV…’ he says at length. The technology they use in the laboratory here is almost accurate, it means… ’

I cut him short, ‘What was the test result again?’
‘HIV negative,’ he says matter-of-factly.
‘Excuse, me,’ I am almost getting irritated, ‘Negative… negative, how?’
‘Calm down Grace, this is what is known in medical terms as discordance. This is where one partner in a sexual relationship is HIV positive and the other is negative.’ After we leave the doctor’s office, Tony doesn’t talk to me. That afternoon, he calls announcing he is leaving for business in Tanzania. That it has just come up and he has had to go with the 5.00 pm flight. He is gone for five days. During this time, we don’t talk on phone; he only sends two messages in a day. The wordings were exactly the same. ‘Good morning honey. Hope you slept well, have a good day. I love you’. And in the evening after 8.00pm, ‘Sleep well darling. Say hello to my baby. You two mean the world to me I miss you.’ He doesn’t pick my calls for two days so I stop bothering. I realise I have to go on with my life but just wish we had talked before his departure. One evening I call one of my girlfriends, Juliet, and request her to spend the night at my place. She happily agrees, and to my surprise comes with Lilian, another close friend. The three of us grew up together and share so much. I had been avoiding them. So they quickly figured I must be in some kind of trouble to ask for the sleep-over.

That night, I pour out my heart to my girls. I tell them everything. I cry so much, actually we all cry. It is so painful. They let me fall asleep between them. In the morning, Lilian wakes up earlier and prepares us breakfast. We seat down and just talk again. We agree that I should let Tony go if that is what he has decided. We agree that I should not call him, but should answer his calls or texts. We try to picture ourselves in his shoes and figure it would be in his best interest to leave me. With that I feel much better and ready to do anything for my baby. After all, this is a baby I have conceived in love.

That Friday evening, Juliet calls to suggest that we visit my mum on Sunday. She says her mother was in town and really wanted to meet mine. They would pick me at 11 am and drop me back later. That Sunday, Juliet and her mum arrive at my place at about 9.30am. They are dressed up as if they were going to a party. Juliet is the jeans and T-shirt type, so her kitenge kind of catches me off guard. We end up reaching my mother’s house at 2.00pm. It is evident that mum was expecting us because she is waiting for us outside the gate. We exchange greetings, and she leads us into the house. She asks me to remain behind. I’m guessing she wants to ask me something personal. She just holds my hand and we walk slowly behind Lilian and the mother.

When we reach the door, I see a number of people in the house and recognize Benjamin,
Tony’s best friend. As make my first step to enter the house, I see him there, kneeling

Continued in Issue 37..

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