Tackling the Bully
Sally came home from school dishevelled and teary. She sobbed to her parents that children from their kindergarten had laughed at her shoes, calling them ugly ducklings, as they kicked them around the compound. In the end, a teacher who was passing by had intervened and she got her shoes back. The bullies were punished but they continued making faces at her in reference to her shoes.
A bully refuses a fellow child to join in a group’s activity, ignores her when addressing a group she is in, makes harmful threats, hurls insults, and continues doing so even when the victim cries. The victim is usually clueless on how to defend herself and may feel that she did something to bring on the attack.
Sometimes the bullies, especially at a young age, are seeking attention and will be aggressive if the victim ignores their actions. So they are likely to provoke or harm the victim until they are confronted by an authority and reprimanded. If no action is taken, the bullies may worsen in their brutality.
So as a parent, make sure that they get the punishment they deserve and are counselled accordingly.
Signs that your child might be going through bullying:
• Is afraid of getting into the school bus. The bullies could be there.
• Previously enjoyed being in school, then suddenly has a lot of excuse as not to attend such as faked illnesses.
• Gets home messy and upset.
• Asks much more money than she needs and can’t explain why.
• Change of personality, for instance, being withdrawn and sad whilst she was previously chatty and outgoing.
As much as parents may downplay the effects of child abuse as kid’s play, bullying can result in low self esteem and behavioural problems as the bullied child grows up. Drug abuse, suicide, revenge and conduct disorders in the latter years have well been linked to bullying—thus the need to protect your child from being bullied.
While it may not be possible to completely safeguard your child from bullying, you can take action to prevent several incidents from recurring.
Respond promptly and positively if your child shows the mentioned signs.
Keep your communication easy, such that, your child can easily tell you the highs and lows of her day at school.
Listen keenly and if she tells of harassment, contact the school and report the case. Follow up to see that action has been taken to ensure the safety of all the children in the school.
Encourage your toddler to intervene when she witnesses bullying. Empathy emerges among toddlers. By the time they are in kindergarten, they have learnt that it is not right to hit or treat others badly, making her to lobby up a group that can intervene.
Ask the teachers to encourage activities that require participation of all children in groups so that no one feels left out. If necessary, the teachers should supervise to ensure no one in a group is neglected.
Reassure your bullied child, telling her that the ill treatment was not her fault and that the main problem is with the bully whose behaviour is unacceptable. And engage the child in confidence building activities and talks.
Keep in mind that change takes time and that the bullying may not stop immediately; but that persistence in forging positive behaviour remains the key to a calmer, considerate child.
END:BL29/09