Emotions

Tips to help your child have control over them
You may be familiar with Kenya’s 8-4-4 education system that left many of us keen on following instructions without questioning and cramming with an obsession and later doing courses the universities picked for us and finally tumbling into the field — where you have some time to start thinking, so what do I really like doing? What was I built for? And no sooner have you embarked your reflection trip than bills start screaming you back to your ‘senses’. In that regard, don’t you think your child should tackle this issue before obligations come in the way?

Psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990 termed the issue as Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ). Science writer Daniel Goleman later popularised it. His book ”Emotional Intelligence” highlights that a child needs the skill of awareness, empathy and ability to manage emotions.

What is EQ?
Note that I am not talking about Intelligence Quotient (IQ) — your child’s general ability to think or record facts; like in our previous education experience. An IQ-oriented person focuses more on facts when trying to convince someone.

While an EQ-oriented person makes use of emotions and her cognitive abilities to appeal to someone’s feelings and reasoning. Apparently, the IQ score remains just about the same throughout one’s life.

Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ), which always has room for improvement, is about your child being able to feel and healthily manage her emotions in a fruitful way.

According to Joyce Makokha, a Nairobi child educator, EQ empowers you to handle emotions as you should. It shows you how to handle stressful or challenging situations. This is the bit that feeds your self-motivation, fuels your empathy, teamwork spirit and helps hone your other social skills. Emotional intelligence generally helps you understand your feelings and how to make them work best for you.

The child educator explains that emotional intelligence will not only help your child understand herself, but also help her understand others’ feelings and emotions. She says high EQ makes a child more courteous, responsible and considerate.

On the other hand, low EQ usually makes a child feel helpless. ‘Insufficient emotional support at home is what makes a child stingy, fearful, anxious and vulnerable to peer-pressure, Joyce explains. Low EQ is what results in hiding under displeasing behaviour like bullying, and why we have under-achievers who are not necessarily unintelligent,’ explains Makokha.

Boosting her emotional intelligence
The current society overwhelms us with so much technology that we often forget the value of human feelings and relationships. Children need to understand their feelings, so they can improve their emotional intelligence. Says Makokha: ‘First, take some time to observe your child and understand the feelings behind her behaviour. Encourage her to explain her feelings — though with the awareness that the child may not be able to describe them.’

Then, describe your own feelings to your child, helping her to understand them. Using words such as, ‘you’ and ‘I’ will help her be responsible for her feelings and the confidence to assess them. For example, ‘Are you scared of joining the new school, like I was when I was little?’

Let her know the limits of her emotions. This will help build her self-control so that she does not always let her feelings determine her actions. Otherwise she is likely to end in trouble, which will make her feel worse about herself – continuing the cycle of low EQ.

Come up with friendly exercises that will help your child learn patience; exercises that will teach her how to handle disappointment and how to persevere in a challenging situation.

Brew discussions that will make her think about what she really enjoys doing. What her strengths and weaknesses are and how to sharpen her strengths and make them work for her. To have peace about her weakness and learning to seek help instead of cowering or wearing a fake show.

NB: Most happy, successful and effective people are linked to a high EQ. Your child cannot, therefore, afford to miss out on this important ingredient.

END: BL 42 / 42-43