Baby Zuri
Everything is mine!!!
It is now 10 months since Zuri’s brother, Ami, joined the household. And believe it or not, she is getting along with him well, albeit conditionally! As long as Ami stays away from Zuri’s toys, her food,her bed … anything she considers hers, they are the best of friends.
Unfortunately, the house and everything in it is ‘hers’. It is not difficult to figure out the number of cease-fires we are having to negotiate each and every day. Ami smiles and laughs a lot. It seems like it is the only thing he does. He is very friendly and likes to play with everyone. You can easily tell that from the way he shares everything with everyone. He even gave me his milk the other day; what a gesture!
Zuri is growing so big, so fast. She can now pronounce a number of words and even calls her brother by name from time to time. Of course, Ami can’t respond. So, he just looks at her as she talks to him. They seem to understand each other. In spite of the turf ‘wars’, it is clear she loves him a great deal. I think she even knows when he is hungry or uncomfortable. Whenever she suspects either of this, she reaches out for an adult, mostly myself and tags at my dress until her brother is attended to.
Well, now that Ami is able to sit on his own, it has made it easier to just let him sit by himself while one attends to a few things. As long as he is on the carpet with his toys and with one of your eyes watching that he doesn’t fall back and hurt himself, it makes things much better.
All the same, the other day, I may have made a blunder of sorts and hurt my niece’s feelings. I was watching television with them, sitting in ‘our’ chair, (Zuri and I have a chair we share). I was holding Ami as Zuri played with her toys on the floor. I tried to convince her to sit with me but she was more interested in her toys. So, it was just Ami and I. Eventually, I got tired of holding Ami and placed him on the seat.
The moment I did this, Zuri ran to us and tried to get her brother off the seat but I stopped her. She then began crying and I became totally confused. I did not understand her reaction and all my efforts at consoling her failed. She would not let me touch her and just kept on screaming. Her mother came into the room alarmed. She wanted to know what the problem was. I could hardly give a coherent explanation as I did not quite understand what had caused the trouble. I relayed the happenings and she smiled gently.
She explained that Zuri was crying because I had placed Ami on her chair. I realised that Zuri had felt I had betrayed her. I had taken our chair and placed her brother on it without her permission. I had ruined our special ‘us’ by having someone else invade our space. I had lifted her up and tried to get her to sit with me but the damage had already been done. She did not want to do so and she would not stop crying. Her mother took her and soothed her while I sat there feeling very guilty.
The more Zuri refused to sit with me, the worse I felt. My sister did not make things any better. She just kept reminding me I had wronged Zuri by not respecting our seat. Poor Ami-had no idea what was happening. However, children are very intuitive because his face had this curious expression as if to say: ‘Would someone tell me what is going on?’
The good news is children don’t keep grudges. By the following day, Zuri had moved on and we were sitting in our chair, watching TV as if nothing had happened.I must admit though that the incident taught me a lot. When dealing with children, you must always be very sensitive.
Bear in mind that at a particular stage, a child perceives the world as revolving around her. So, all attention must be channelled to her only. Any other child coming into the picture will be perceived as an intruder out to steal attention, her space.
This is what was happening to Zuri and thus the turf ‘wars’. Everything in the house was hers. The seat was ours. And in as much as she loved Ami, he crossed the line the moment I sat him on ‘our’ chair. She had had no interest in the seat earlier but now felt her territory had been invaded and thus hell breaking loose.
The seat is definitely a Zuri and ‘ati titia’ thing for now. I shall respect that and I will only share it with her, at least until she outgrows this phase.
END: BL 38/30-31