Why Some Babies Refuse Mummy’s Feeding

HAVE you ever arrived at home from work eager to feed your baby, only to be met by a fierce and blatant rebuff? No matter the pleading or coercion, your baby says and acts a strict ‘No!’

Many career mothers eager to enhance their bonding with their new babies find this kind of incident disheartening. This is even worse when a mum has had a tiresome day at her work station and have had to endure fatigue to make a tasty meal for her child. For a breastfeeding mum it can become a painful experience as the breast milk accumulated over the day lacks a taker. The rejection can get out of hand and cause stress and depression when the mother reluctantly hands over the baby to the househelp and immediately the baby ceases crying and starts eating with admirable ease.

Ann Ngaira, a mother of one notes, ‘When I come home from work, my attempts to give my ten-month-old baby girl some food meets with resistance. It breaks my heart to have to sacrifice the closeness of my daughter because of my job. But I still take heart because the nanny takes excellent care of her.’

Not every mother, though, would reason in the same manner as Ann. Some have actually sent the ‘surrogate mother’ packing as a measure of damage control!

This behaviour does not happen instantly: several factors that happen with time contribute to a baby’s refusal to be fed by the mother. It catches many mums by surprise because of the long period of bonding during pregnancy and immediately after birth. Why would a baby get this ‘change of heart’?

Who has more quality time with the baby?
Career women often wake up very early to prepare for work and arrive late in the evening. A child on the other hand, wakes up late and sleeps early, sometimes even before sunset. This creates a vacuum in the mother-child relationship. A caring nanny, especially one who has been with the family for a while, easily fills this maternal vacuum. At an early stage of development and growth, a baby craves the mother image and the person closest by can represent this image—especially when that person is the ‘source* of food, comfort and a smile. Foreknowledge and affection for the ‘real’ mother diminishes and can gradually disappear.

Everyone, even your baby, likes convenience
A baby easily gets accustomed to. accepts and adopts the daily schedule presented by the nanny. A pattern may develop where they eat together, play together and even nap together! In that scenario, the mother is a stranger who knocks when the baby is dead sleepy and tired. Mummy wants to play and feed a baby who has been well fed and entertained day long. What an inconvenience!

Bringing your stress home
Taking office work home in order to beat deadlines, difficult superiors or colleagues and heavy responsibilities certainly weigh down on women especially in newly acquired job placements.

This stress spills over to the home unless managed well and could lead to a mother being unnecessarily—and mostly subconsciously—harsh or withdrawn towards her baby. She could also have little time to dwell on the child’s welfare because of her workload and this at a time when her child is craving her attention. Payback time comes when she tries to engage with the child too late: she meets a sulky or rebellious young who knows exactly what is unnecessary—the mum!

Mum = breastfeeding
Due to the demands of a modern lifestyle and career, some women do not want to breastfeed at all, or would like to wean their babies sooner than later. However, a baby may have become so accustomed to breastfeeding that any touch by the mother is translated as an offer of the breast. A recently-weaned baby who prefers breast milk will protest by all means against attempts to introduce solid to the diet. Such a baby will yell, shut the mouth tight or spit out solid foods in hope of making the mother surrender. Many mothers do.

Harsh mothers cause fear in kids
Kids copy what they see others do. If a mother creates a dictatorial environment, a young one develops believing that life is supposed to be that way. Aggressiveness or use of force pushes children away from a parent. The child knows that ‘mummy means business’ and when she is around the child must ‘behave.’ The arrival of such a mother brings a sulken environment!

Some solid foods make unpleasant eating
Food has to be agreeable to everyone’s taste regardless of their age, before it can be welcomed and consumed. However, some baby recipes intended to be wholesome and nutritional tend to be unsavoury. On the other extreme is mums who try to make the food ‘better’ by introducing seasoning, to the distaste of the baby.

Distraction is common
Sometimes a mum (and probably dad too) tries to catch up with news or soap operas as she feeds or plays with her baby. This may not go well with the baby who may have missed the parents and wants all the attention. Feeding amidst all the noise and frightening radio or television sounds may not be the baby’s priority. The baby ends up being distracted by the same entertainment gadgets and focuses more on the picture on the TV than on the food being offered by mum.

Attention-seeking children
Some children who are born in large families often feel that a parent’s attention is divided among the many siblings. The frustration of inadequate love and attention may manifest itself as abrasiveness and refusal to feed, play or sleep. This is a reactionary response and a mother ought to try to find the root cause and to rectify it.

To be continued in the next edition of Pregnant.

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