To spank or not to
Foolishness is firmly attached to a child’s heart. Spanking will remove it far from him (Proverbs 22:15). Fathers, do not be hard on your children, so that their spirit may not be broken (Colossians 3:21)
These are two powerful bible verses that can easily be misunderstood. I’d say the context of the scenarios is what matters. Let some findings help us understand what a parent should do when their child errs. So, is spanking an effective means of disciplining children, or does it merely teach them to be violent? Few parenting topics have generated so much emotion as this. But what does the law say? Is it illegal to spank your kids? The answer is no (at the family level but not in schools). However, parents who spank must be careful to avoid running afoul of the law. In legal practice, based on section 13.(1) of the Children Act 2001, child abuse includes any case in which a child exhibits evidence of skin bruising, bleeding, failure to thrive, burns, fractures, etc. and the condition is not justifiably explained or the circumstances indicate that the condition was not accidental.
For purposes of the child abuse law, parental discipline through spanking may not be justifiable if the child is bruised or otherwise injured. Thus, spanking is not illegal, but injuring a child is. Section 13 (1) of the Children’s Act 2001, states that a child shall be entitled to protection from physical and psychological abuse. The penalty of child abuse is a conviction to a term of imprisonment not exceeding twelve months, or to a fine not exceeding fifty thousand shillings or to both imprisonment and fine.
In Kenyan schools, corporal punishment was banned through the Gazette notice on March 13, 2001. The Government scrapped sections of the Education Act that permitted corporal punishment. This article shall not delve, into matters educational on spanking; We shall emphasis on parenting and spanking.
Moving from the legalities to parenting ethics, is spanking a good idea? Does it work? According to the Child Development Journal, citing research conducted by the University of Michigan in Kenya, spanking is not a good way of parenting. The research confirmed many previous studies which suggested that spanking is detrimental and leads to family violence and child abuse, and teaches physically aggressive behaviour which the child could imitate. Compared with children who were not hit, those who were spanked were more likely to be defiant, demand immediate satisfaction of their wants and needs, get frustrated easily, have temper tantrums and lash out physically against others.
The reason for that, analysts say, may be that spanking instills fear rather than understanding. Even if a child stopped his screaming tantrum when spanked, that doesn’t mean he understands why he shouldn’t be acting up in the first place. What’s more, spanking models aggressive behaviour as a solution to problems. ‘A mother’s use of corporal punishment, or when she openly expresses disappointment over her child’s actions, significantly lead to more aggressive tendencies in the child,’ the report says. They suggest long-term investments such as spending time with the children, Showing that you love them and listening to them.
However, proponents of spanking differ, in that they distinguish between mild spanking and severe child abuse and urge that spanking is needed while rejecting severe child abuse. But what is mild spanking? Betty Miller, referring to Proverbs 22:15 writes in Daily Devotional: ‘… that all children have rebellion in them and when it surfaces, it is our duty as parents to drive it out of them. We are to do this by punishing them with a whack on the buttocks with a small reed-like rod. This rod could be a switch from a fruit tree branch or a willow tree branch or a small wooden spoon. It is not to be a large heavy rod or anything that would cause permanent physical damage. The purpose of a spanking is not to cause any lasting bodily harm, but to cause spiritual correction …. Parents should not fear that spanking will hurt or cause them to die, although some scream so loud that it sounds that way. On the contrary, it is kindness to a child, as they will respect authority, if it is done properly.’
But is mild spanking a good idea as a corrective measure? While spanking seems like a good idea in the short term, Professor Wanjohi, a paediatrician at Egerton University says. It has negative lingering effects which turn children into more aggressive and violent adults. Instead of spanking, he advocates for communication and counseling of the errant child and other alternative methods of punishment which are beneficial both to the child and the family as a whole.
If you are above 25, my bet is that you were not only whacked off at home, but neighbours too chipped in to straighten the errant brat in you. Your public primary and high school too offered mortal fear with teachers who more often than not, unleashed terror and violence disguised as discipline. Is it a wonder that we are an angry lot with fundamental issues as a country? I submit that spanking is not the way to go in parenting. Spanking may stop a child from misbehaving in the short-term, but it becomes less and less effective with repeated use, child experts say. It also makes discipline more difficult as the child gets older and outgrows spanking.
As the above study shows, investing the time early to teach a child why his behaviour is wrong may translate to a more self-aware and in-control youngster in the long run. Spanking your kids may work to suppress his or her bad behaviour temporarily, but it isn’t a learning type of discipline. The message they get from being spanked is. ‘I’m a bad kid,’ which doesn’t help your child figure out what he or she did wrong-or how to keep from doing it again!
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, effective discipline has three key components: first, a loving, supportive relationship between parent and child; second, use of positive reinforcement when children behave well; and third, use of punishment when children misbehave. Many parents In the dock these days are fearful of using spanking as punishment, either because of the law or because they fear it teaches violence to their kids. So what practical disciplinary actions should you take as a parent without having to spank?
First, give your children predictable consequences; let them know that if they do this and that, the consequence that will follow will be this/that. Do not use threats of physical violence here; use child level logic to warn them of consequences like grounding with curfews for teenagers, withholding privileges such as watching television for the minors and time outs for the terrible under 5s. Time-out is a strategy that typically involves denying the child any attention, praise or interaction with parents for a specified period of time. These quiet times force children to calm down and learn to think about their emotions, rather than acting out on them blindly.
There is overwhelming consensus that parenting is one of the hardest jobs, but there is hardly any consensus on how to discipline kids and raise them well in responsibility and maturity. Parenting creates happiness and fulfilling yet frustrating and at times disappointing. In those frustrating and disappointing times, when the kids are driving you to angry seethes, let love cover the multitude of foolishness and folly, stand above it, not with a cane, switch or rod, but with steadfast love exhibited in honest communication of the disappointment and love coupled with consequences as submitted above.
We will never be perfect parents. But someday, when they grow up, these little bundles of joy that drive us insane at times, let it be said by them in their-moments of reckon, that we, the parents, did the best job we knew how to do.
© Eric Gitari. The writer is a lawyer with the Kenya Human Rights Commission.
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