Baby chat-Q&A
Send your questions to:
babylove@integral-media.co.ke
Answers are provided jointly by our team of doctors
Team Leader
Dr. Blasio Omuga
Lecturer, School of Nursing Sciences, University of Nairobi
Consultant Obstetrician/Gynaecologist
Based at Doctors’ Plaza, Clinic No. 18, Kenyatta National Hospital
My child has just joined school. He is being bullied by other kids. What should I do?
The first thing is to re-assure your child that nothing is wrong with him, in order to stabilise his psychology. Let him know that you believe something is the matter and that you and him as a team will solve it. You need to be aware that bullying results from many different reasons and circumstances and therefore your objective should be to identify why the other kids are picking on your child. It may be because of his newness in the school; his timidness or even his assertiveness; it could also be that there is a traditional bullying mentality in the school, etc.
Be patient as you let your child explain himself and his day in school. Tell him you will not make the situation worse but don’t promise that you will not report the problem to the teachers. Let him know that this situation will not get better on its own, and that the teachers would be of help.
Once you get his full story, contact the school administration. Remain calm and polite and do not try to blame anyone. Making a show of the issue may only make the situation worse for your child, and will likely embarrass him. Remember it is always best to make conclusions after listening to all parties involved, including the kids said to have committed the bullying acts.
Therefore set up a meeting with your child’s teacher. Although you may firmly but politely indicate you are concerned about the bullying claims, your goal must be getting this situation solved, rather than loudly expressing your displeasure or making threats, despite how upset you may be.
If the situation does not improve, contact the school again, but ultimately bear in mind that the well being of your child is paramount and the school he attends must respect and protect him as an individual.
Finally, always trust your gut feeling about your child’s well being, and act accordingly and expeditiously.
Help—my child is thumb-sucking
My 15-month-old daughter sucks her thumb every time she’s not eating or is deep in sleep. I tried to put gloves on her. hands but she pulled the gloves off. I put pepper on her fingers…and she rubbed her eyes with her hands—that was a bad afternoon, to say the least! I put tape on her thumb but she ended up sucking the thumb with the tape on. I had to take it off as I thought it would be hazardous to her health. I am concerned about the eventual shape of her jaw, now that thumb-sucking is said to affect it. What can I do to help her stop that awful habit?
Thumb-sucking is an issue debated for decades the world over. For a child, it brings calm, pleasure, comfort and reassurance, which for the parent it is a big headache.
For infants: natural reflex; this starts when the baby is in the womb; Toddlers: explore things by sucking them – from toys, to fingers and even clothes. They continue sucking what is pleasing depending on their body demands – e.g. during teething it feels good to suck objects. As they grow older sucking provides a soothing and relaxing effect and an inducement to sleep.
Parents are advised to discourage thumb-sucking when the child’s permanent teeth start showing (around 5 years), as it can cause problems with teeth alignment and other mouth development problems. Luckily, most kids naturally stop the habit by this time. If thumb-sucking continues, the more intense the act, the more the potential problems.
Trying to police your child will likely not work, as children who are admonished tend to find private moments to do what is prohibited. Help your child take responsibility and engage in other activities that bring the comfort and calm equivalent to the effect she gets from thumb-sucking.
Find the root cause: Observe your child to understand what triggers thumb-sucking. It may be conflicts, fatigue, anxiety, anger, etc. Identify alternative solutions that address these situations.
Set goals: Discuss milestones with your child and agree on rewards for achieving targets in a fun way. In a discreet way, include stopping thumb-sucking as one of these. Explain the benefits of each milestone and ask for her opinion; let her believe these are her ideas.
Approval: Do not forcefully apply bad tasting fluids or tie the baby’s fingers. This only breeds rebellion. For older kids, especially, obtain his approval before applying tactics to stop the habit. For instance, teach her work with you in applying a detergent on the finger as you both work towards the goal.
Distraction: Whenever you observe your child wanting to put her finger in her mouth, introduce a discussion or activities that take her attention from the act and make use of both her hands, such as playing handball or operating a gadget. At bed time, encourage her to hold the bed time story book with both hands as you read, or to hug his favourite teddy bear as she sleeps. If you have observed carefully, you will know circumstances when thumb-sucking is likely to start; try to be available as such times to intervene.
Peer pressure: Apply peer influence by taking your child to active play groups and inviting her friends over to play. Active play reduces the time for thumb-sucking. Your child will also easily observe that other kids are not thumb-sucking; and some kids will also discourage her from doing so. Kids respond positively to the views of their peers.
Apply doctors views: Children respect the doctor’s word. The authority of a doctor can have great influence on how your child behaves. Let the doctor constantly put across an encouraging message directly to your child.
END: BL37/8