How to get back your sex drive after baby delivery
Get back that kick! – rekindle your mood for sex after having a baby
Try these practical steps
Labour is exhausting and the effects of hormonal changes may make sex undesirable after delivery. This initial lack of desire for sex is natural, so do not worry! However, it is important to remember that the intimacy of sex is essential to boost the relationship between you and your partner and can contribute to quick rejuvenation of your spirits.
After an episiotomy (small cut made on the perineum to facilitate the exit of the baby) women are advised to keep off sex for a few weeks. Six weeks is enough time for the episiotomy to heal, which is also facilitated by cleaning it with warm, salty water twice a day.
If you had a normal delivery there are no rules on when you can resume a normal sex life. Sexual intercourse should bounce back into your life as soon as you desire it or as soon as you feel comfortable to receive your partner.
The woman may feel sexually unattractive because the vagina is still slack or the tummy bulging. It will take the effort of both the man and the woman to enjoy sex again.
Sometimes your partner is unable to participate in the immediate mother-child relationship and may feel neglected or left out. Some men will react by becoming sexually demanding, others may just become aloof or distant. After resuming sexual intercourse, start using contraceptives to protect yourself from unplanned pregnancy.
Up Close and Intimate
Sex after pregnancy is like tending a garden after a break. One has to take it easy and prepare the soil in stages. It is not usual for a new mother to jump into bed for sex with her spouse on the day she is discharged from maternity. You can prepare for the eventual return moment right from day one back home. Sleep close to your husband, encourage him to touch you, return his favours and love. Sexual intercourse will most likely happen sooner than later and quite spontaneously.
Talk About Your Body Changes
Let your husband know how pregnancy has affected your body, how you feel for example about your large tummy and your breasts. Some men are put off by the fact that a new mother’s breasts are full with milk and do not know what to do in these circumstances. You might also be oversensitive about your husband touching your breasts because you want to maintain them in a hygienic state for breast-feeding, knowing that it might happen any moment. Discuss your fears about your body. This will make him understand and appreciate you better.
Decide where your baby will sleep
A baby can become the mountain between you and your partner. It is not uncommon for a mother to keep the baby between her and her partner at night, fearing the baby might fall off the bed or that the baby might choke and die in the cot. Whatever your fears, keep your husband within reach if you want a normal sex life.
Talk to your husband about sex
Your husband may be one of those who will not touch you while you are nursing. Talk to him about your desires and if you are not ready, let him know you are thinking about him and when you are ready for sex. This will reassure him that you are not finding him unattractive.
Reduce clothing while in bed
Some couples dress up at bed time as though they are about to leave the house to attend a function! Always remember the power of touch. You may surprise yourself by getting aroused when all along you thought you were emotionally unprepared for sex.
Recover your physical confidence
If you are a new mother, the effects of birth on your vagina may shake your confidence because of the slackness which comes in the third trimester and also the stretching caused by the baby passing through during delivery. Your partner may also discover it is ‘different’ due to this slackness or be put off by the stitches you might have as a result of episiotomy. Kegels exercise (which are;; special exercises for the pelvic muscles) and other fitness programs will help tone up the muscles.
Create time for re-bonding
You can push your husband into a corner in the wake of your hectic schedule, full of baby this, baby that, baby here, baby there, baby, baby, baby! Tuck in the baby early evening and have some time to reflect, watch TV or a home video together with your husband. It is true you have lots of things to tell your husband about the baby and he should listen, but you should not turn out to be like a presenter on a baby radio station.
Avoid stressful situations before going to bed
You will find sex a very difficult subject if you accumulate stress before going to bed. If your evening is becoming difficult, try to relax and talk to your spouse about it.
Finally; vary your hours of intimacy depending on when the little one is asleep. Try day time intimacy, try mornings, try lunch time!
END: PG 1/40-41