Who will nurse me after delivery?

Should it be my mother-in-law, my husband or myself?

Esther: ‘I delivered my first baby, Stacy, six months ago. I knew my small sister who had just completed fourth form and was waiting for her results, would be the one to take care of me. I had also employed a house help a month before my EDD. My husband Francis was to be my birth partner….

As new parents, we were anxiously waiting for the D-day. Apart from my husband, no one else knew my EDD because we wanted to surprise our friends and relatives with text messages and phone calls when the baby arrived.

The labour pains began at night, Francis rushed me to the hospital and by 9:00 am I had delivered. After the delivery, I was surprised to learn from Francis that my mother-in-law had travelled overnight, to stay with us! She had called Francis to let him know that she had arrived and was aware (how, I didn’t know) that I had been rushed to the hospital to deliver. I guessed that either my sister or my house help had told her. I stayed in the hospital for a day, then I was discharged.

Back at home, my mother-in-law was in charge of everything. She would insist on bathing the baby, a thing I had been taught at the hospital. Every time she noticed me breast-feeding, she came over to ensure I was doing it correctly. She insisted that I have a lot of rest, and most of the time she was the one taking care of the baby. At night whenever the baby woke up—do infants ever sleep at night?—I would hear a knock on our bedroom door! My husband would then wake up, and hand over the baby to her!

I had vowed not to add weight after delivery, but I had no choice because my mother-in-law ensured that I fed as frequently as she cooked. At some point, I got worried that people might think I was a mama with three children!

My mum-in-law stayed with us for three months and even as my maternity leave ended and I reported to work, she took care of my baby until she was three months old. My biological mother on the other hand, came to visit us only for a week and had to leave, because our traditions do not allow her to stay in my house for long.

I was not worried about leaving my baby at home as I went back to work, because I knew she was in the good hands of a combined team of her grandmother, my sister, who had become very fond of her, and my house-girl. I think next time I give birth (I want three children), I already know whom to invite to nurse me: my mother-in-law!

When Marion delivered a month ago, she did not have any one in mind, to take care of her and her newborn. Jaspher, Marion’s husband, was newly employed and so would not be allowed any days off work. They lived in a single room and could not afford to hire a house help. On the day Marion was discharged from the hospital, Jaspher cooked and cleaned the dishes, but the following day he had to go to work.

Marion says it was a difficult first day alone at home for her because she had to take care of herself and the baby, as well as undertake household chores. ‘I could not wait for Jaspher to come from work, and in any case he was tired because the previous day, he had worked until late at night. He had prepared a meal that would take us till the following day,’ says Marion. The entire week my husband washed the baby clothes at night, so that in the morning I could hang them. He cleaned the house and cooked enough food to last me through the next day’s lunch.

After a week, I thought the episiotomy had healed and decided to start working. Unfortunately, the episiotomy tore owing to a lot of bending. I felt a relief, you know the way the stitches are tight and then all of a sudden they are loose, I thought I had healed but that was not the case; the stitches had broken. Within no time, I noticed some pus and it got very painful. I decided to go the hospital where the stitching was ‘re-done’

‘At the moment, I experience back pains which I was told are due to the bending, but I am improving. My baby Natalie is one month old and I am happy that everything has worked out for the best.’

For many mothers, the first weeks at home with a new baby are often the most challenging in their lives. You will probably feel overworked, even overwhelmed. Inadequate sleep will leave you fatigued. Caring for a baby can be a lonely and stressful responsibility. You may wonder if you will ever catch up on your rest, or work. The solution is asking for help. No one should be expected to care for a young baby alone.

Every baby wakes up one or more times at night. The way to avoid sleep deprivation is to know the total amount of sleep you need per day, and to get that sleep in intervals, rather than waiting to devour it all at night. Go to bed early in the evening, that is, after your baby’s final feeding. When your baby naps, that is the best time for you to nap too. Your baby does not need you hovering around while he or she sleeps.

If your total sleep remains inadequate, hire a baby sitter or bring in a relative. If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to take care of your baby effectively.

END: BL 09/56

Leave a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.