If you want to stay away from unsolicited sex
Keep off men’s residences, particularly their bedrooms.
Men’s residences
Women who find themselves getting raped in a boyfriend’s house usually do not even scream when assaulted because they are embarrassed, since they took themselves there. Later they blame themselves.
Caution: If you want to stay away from unsolicited sex, keep off men’s residences, particularly their bedrooms. This does not mean that every woman who visits a man at his house will be raped. Judge the situation depending on the kind of relationship you have and how well you know the person.
Entertaining men in your house
It is probably inevitable that your male friends will occasionally visit you at your house. Inviting a man to your house is normally a significant gesture of friendship to a man, especially if you invite him alone. If the man is interested in you that is a frontier broken. It could mean many things to him, but most significantly it may be taken to be an indication that you like him, whether true or false. Many single women especially those in the cities live in single rooms, and by inviting the man to your house you have by extension-depending on how he thinks-invited him to your bedroom! You may further get him thinking by changing behind your ‘bedroom’ curtain, removing your shoes, or other form of ‘undressing.’
Caution: There is nothing wrong with having a man visit you.
A lot depends on your relationship, but if you want to keep safe from home date rape, you must have ‘house rules’-your list of do’s and don’ts depending on the kind of relationship you have with your visitor. And you must apply them accordingly.
Unsecured rooms
Many women are raped by friends-and sometimes relatives too, because they forgot to lock their bedroom door and wake up to find the man already in bed with them! Of course it does not follow that every man in the house is a threat, or that one should live with fear in a house. You need to make your own informed judgment and make simple safety measures a routine. That way you will not be consciously guarding yourself.
Caution: It is advisable to lock your room if sleeping in a house shared with men.
Suggestive behaviour
Taunting a man can also lead to undue stimulation and agitation if you turn around and say you did not mean ‘that.’ Many men do not understand that some women want to ‘play’ but not have sex. While a woman may consider a sexy look, a dazzling smile or a candle-lit, secluded dinner as the ultimate romance, a man gets sexually aroused very easily and may believe a woman’s suggestive behaviour means more than intended.
Caution: There are no hard rules about what is ‘suggestive’ as this is relative to the individuals involved. However, if you find yourself angling towards a sensual discussion or letting a man’s hand go ‘too far’, then it is time to stop! You need to make your own smart judgment.
Provocation
On the other hand some rapists are provoked by harsh words from a woman and rape to ‘teach her a lesson.’ Some marriage rape can also be precipitated by a violent argument, especially where the man abuses drugs or alcohol. Rape can also happen in strained relationships where a man feels, though wrongly, that he has been denied his conjugal ‘rights.’
One lady I know was raped the evening she broke off with her boyfriend as he was escorting her to a bus stop.
Caution: Beware of picking a fight with a male friend, especially one with whom you have previously been intimate.
Alcohol!
You may have heard of women who took alcohol and ended up in the wrong house, the wrong bed and with the wrong person. No one can under-rate the intoxicating effects of alcohol.
Caution: The best rule is to keep off alcohol altogether. Never allow yourself to get drunk while in the company of a friend, even if you trust him. Why? He may not be premeditating rape but you may just present him with the temptation-especially if you have previously declined his sexual advances-if you become helpless or alcohol makes you behave in a manner to suggest that it is okay to have sex.
PG4 DEC 06-JAN 07/ 21